MZ
1
I m ashamed to ask this but may Allah reward you for this and make yours and mine affairs easy.
for the 2 years approx.. I have developed irregular bowel movements, and because of this I have also developed an extreme fear and phobia of breaking wudu every time I pray salah. I m having extreme difficulty in sustaining my wudu and to even complete one prayer, I keep doing wudu most of the times 4 to 5 times to complete 2 or 4 rakat. It’s been exhausting and I keep thinking Allah is upset with me and has taken my salah away from me, which is causing more grief and anxiety. I d really appreciate if I can get Shariah Islamic guidance and ruling on how to sustain my wudu and salah under my circumstances (below) as surely, I cannot despair in the mercy of Allah. May Allah reward for you this. I’m ashamed to ask this but I want to get my religion right), Here is what’s been having specifically:
Context/ condition:
1- For the past 2 years I have developed repeated urge of going to bathroom/ toilet for # 2 (to relieve myself) whenever I eat something and especially before prayer. But when I go to the bathroom to relieve myself, I take ages as I feel I am not completely relieved and thus I do my best and get up as cannot stay in the bathroom forever I then do wudu but whilst doing wudu, I feel extreme fireworks and strong physical movements in my back passage, such as bubbles, movements, wind escaping in little quantities, etc. This drives me crazy and I do wudu again and again as these movements make me start the wudu again. Even if I ignore the feelings and movements, whatever these are, and start my salah, in the middle of salah I ll experience a very strong movement (feeling like slight wind/ or actual wind, cannot tell 120%) and I ll break up my salah and go do wudu again. As a result at times, I pray one salah 3 to 4 times with multiple wudus. These sensations never go away especially when I am praying salah, they are more active after using bathroom and keep on happening passively thereafter. I cannot pinpoint exactly when after relieving myself these movements will stop or become passive. If I wait too long say hour or more I fear it would be the time again to use the bathroom to relieve myself or wind/ flatulence will start building in my stomach, thus the best time for me to pray is right after I have been to the bathroom to relieve myself. Note that due to all this I usually take 10 to 15 minutes minimum to relieve myself and depending on number of wudus it could take me 24 to 40 minutes to complete 4 rakat salah.
In addition, I also have urine drops issue, i.e. when I use the bathroom and clean myself the urine drops can come out till next 20 to 30 minutes. Meaning when I do wudu I am fighting the wind movements plus urine drops. In my wudu and salah I ll suddenly feel urine coming out and then most of the times I ll finish my salah and check, sometimes there will
be nothing and at times there will be a drop coming out. The issue with this is that if I wait half an hour for urine drops to dry in my private parts, then I run the risk of wind or urge building up to use bathroom again. It’s a catch 22 for me, if I don’t pray quickly after bathroom trip, I ll start developing gas/ bathroom urge and if I pray quickly (which I do) then I run the risk of urine droplet coming out. Note that I do rinse my privates 6 to 7 times to remove any urine drops.
So in a nut shell, every salah time, I get the urge to use bathroom, I use the bathroom, do wudu and pray salah as that’s the best time for me given I have just relieved myself, however, I’m fighting wind movements, risk of urine drops, fear and anxiety of break wudu and salah.
The consequence is that every salah has become a long drawn exhausting process, in normal days I pray zuhar, asr and maghrib multiple times with multiple wudus and then by esha time I m exhausted and miss it.
2- now in ramadan I have also developed excessive flatulence esp tahajudd and fajr time to an extreme level, it be hard for me to pray two rakah without strong urge to pass wind. I d go to the bathroom to relieve myself but nothing would happen (total constipation), I can sit there 20 mins 25 mins I may or may not be able to pass wind or relieve myself but when I come out to do wudu wind sensation would start, and then when I start to pray I ll have strong urge to pass wind again and sometimes I can hold it risking small amounts will come out and sometimes I cannot. I have seen the entire fajr time pass by and I am going in and out of the bathroom. Even during the day i.e. asr time this will happen, I ll feel gas (even in empty stomach) I ll use the bathroom, and I do wudu and I ll feel wind again and even if I ignore but when perform salah the wind in my stomach will tries to come out.
Questions:
1-I really don’t know how to resolve this. I m seeking medical advise but in the mean time how do I maintain my salah? Please advise given the context and situation I have mentioned. Doctors can give me medical advise but not Islamic, this is causing me absolute grief, I use to love my salahs and use to enjoy wudu but now this is happening and I cannot control it.
2-I feel at loss esp. in ramadan. I have read some guidance that I could be considered excused and should do one wudu each prayer time and pray as many salah as I want (current fard, make up missed fard and sunnah/ nafl) regardless of whatever comes out. I have tried this for a day or so but I feel strange and awkward as I feel wind coming out and I m praying, I feel impure and that I m cheating. I don’t feel khusho and khuzoo. Can I follow this approach?
3-Do I have to use the bathroom or relieve myself, can I not just try to hold my wind and pray especially when I am out and have no conducive toilet facilities? Going to the bathroom has become a torture for me due to the process I have described.
Moral guidance
I am going totally mad, It wasn’t like this before, I m mid 40s and been for umrah and hajj and now cannot muster a single prayer properly with confidence. Because of all this
Consequences:
a- I cannot enjoy my salah which is supposed to be place of solace and peace, instead all I do is wudu and bathroom trips and eventually when pray I am more bothered about holding wind or wudu.
b- Every salah time has become a struggle for me, I fear and become anxious of using bathroom, multiple wudus and salahs.
c- I cannot pray in jammah and amount of time it takes to do wudu which can be broken by minimal amount of wind which I cannot control.
d- I cannot do wudu at home and sit in the car and drive to masjid without feeling fireworks in my back passage as I then have to do wudu again in the masjid which if its jummah it becomes difficult due to crowd, I missed khutbah because again the amount of time it takes
e- I have missed lot of salah lately esp isha prayers as the amount of time it takes to perform zuhar, asr and maghrib salah by the time I get to isha I am exhausted. Even the salah I offer during the day I feel are borderline.
f- In ramadan I cannot hold wudu and there always gas in my stomach which is beyond my comprehension.
g- I feel in my heart Allah does not want my prayers and is upset with me, but surely I cannot despair in Allahs mercy
Jzk in advance for reading and responding.
