emz
1
1-For the last 2 to 3 years I have developed irregular bowel movements so when I ever I eat something I have to use the bathroom to relieve myself plus I cannot go long without using the bathroom meaning every salah time I have to relieve myself. In addition whenever I relieve myself I then start to have sensations/ fireworks in my back (wind) passage i.e. I feel I have passed wind or something has come out, which has caused me great deal of grief in holding my wudu and pray salah. It is to an extent that I do 4 to 5 wudus per salah and I pray one salah minimum 2 to 3 times, on occasional instances I d be able to pray one salah one time but I d still do multiple wudus and most of the times esp lately I d end up doing multiple wudus and salahs to perform one salah. All this because I feel fireworks in my back passage during wudu and salah, sometimes bubbles popping in the back passage, sometimes I feel acute movement and that something has come out, sometimes small amounts of winds passing, etc. This means every salah for me is a long-drawn process and cause me exhaustion and becomes painful, which is contrary to what salah should be and what it used to be for me.
2- now in ramadan I have also developed excessive flatulence esp tahajudd and fajr time to an extreme level, it be hard for me to pray two rakah without strong urge to pass wind. I d go to the bathroom to relieve myself but nothing would happen, I can sit there 20 mins 25 mins I may or may not be able to pass wind but when I come out after doing wudu even with sensations, when I start to pray I ll have strong urge to pass wind again and sometimes I can hold it risking small amounts will come out and sometimes I cannot. I have seen the entire fajr time pass by and I am going in and out of the bathroom. Even during the day i.e. asr time this will happen, I ll feel gas (even in empty stomach) I ll use the bathroom, and I do wudu and I ll feel wind again and even if I ignore but when perform salah the wind in my stomach will try to come out.
Conclusion. It wasn’t like this before, I m mid 40s and been for umrah and hajj and now cannot muster a single prayer properly with confidence. Because of all this
a- I cannot enjoy my salah which is supposed to be place of solace and peace, instead all I do is wudu and bathroom trips and eventually when pray I am more bothered about holding wind or wudu
b- I cannot pray in jammah and amount of time it takes to do wudu which can be broken by minimal amount of wind which I cannot control.
c- I cannot do wudu at home and sit in the car and drive to masjid without feeling fireworks in my back passage as I then have to do wudu again in the masjid which if its jummah it becomes difficult due to crowd, I missed khutbah because again the amount of time it takes
d- I have missed lot of salah lately esp isha prayers as the amount of time it takes to perform zuhar, asr and maghrib salah by the time I get to isha I am exhausted. Even the salah I offer during the day I feel are borderline.
e- In ramadan I cannot hold wudu and there always gas in my stomach which is beyond my comprehension.
f- I feel in my heart Allah does not want my prayers and is upset with me, but surely I cannot despair in Allahs mercy
I really don’t know how to resolve this. I m seeking medical advise but in the mean time how do I maintain my salah? Please advise given the context and situation I have mentioned.
I feel at loss esp. in ramadan. I have read some guidance that I could be considered excused and should do one wudu each prayer time and pray as many salah as I want (current fard, make up missed fard and sunnah/ nafl) regardless of whatever comes out. I have tried this for a day or so but I feel strange and awkward as I feel wind coming out and I m praying, I feel impure and that I m cheating. I don’t feel khusho and khuzoo.