Allah’s Servant
1
Assalamualaikum to whomever is reading.
My father passed on when I was 3 and my mom re-married my step father. He sexually assaulted me between the ages of 3-13 (2010) years old. I’m very ashamed to explain what he did but there was no penetration, only oral, skin to skin contact and touching. Regardless, it really hurts and scars me.
I never really understood why but as a child I told myself that I had to hide this from other family members which caused me to not reach out for help.
I never really felt angry about it until a few years ago, which is when I was fully aware of how wrong it was. I felt a lot of injustice against me. My step father became very close to my uncle (on my real dad’s side) and has made him to believe that I am a bad person.
Also, I feel very upset and angry that he is able to live his life normally while I am still suffering from his actions.
He is seen as very religious and kind to the people around us so any attempt of me trying to tell a close family member about my trauma was met with disbelief and no action, which I don’t blame because there is no manual on how to respond to a sexual assault claim.
Also because the assault is in the past and not the present, it seems like there’s very little that I can do about it.
My hope is to strengthen my relationship with Allah and to heal my heart. I was wondering if I have the right to expose him to get some justice for myself. However, I fear how it may affect my family.
I have tried to forgive and forget for the sake of Allah but I’m too weak to do that. But if this is what I should do, I would like some advice on how I can forgive and forget for the sake of Allah.
If you could also recommend some duas to heal my heart and give me the strength to forgive, I would greatly appreciate it.