Marriage - Issues

My parents are very nice people. I love and respect my dad very much however approximately 2 years ago i had gone to pakistan with my dad and when we were there my dads sister asked for my alliance for her son. My dad said that he would discuss it with me first before he consents but my grandparents and my dads sisters lied to my dad and made him believe i was happy to marry the guy they had chosen. for my dads sake i never spoke out but now they are forcing my dad to get me married now- i spoke to my dad who agreed that i dont have to get married but my tickets have been booked to go pakistan and get married. the thing is that i hate this guy- cant stand him being in the same room so i dont want to marry him. how should i explain this to my dad.

Assalmu-alaikum Respected Ulema,
my husband and I have have been married for over 12 years and up until about over a year ago we have had a good relationship, generally.
However, we seem to be arguing more and more lately and i dont see us getting anywhere as we arent resolving the issues that cause the arguments.
My spouse is higly educated and alhamdolillah he does pray all his salah (but at home), and keeps a sunnah beard. I married him because I was led to believe he was pious. Alhamdolillah, I have learnt alot from him but now he seems to be so driven by his work and is hardly at home. As i have 3 boys and they are getting older i feel they need a father's discipline but when he is at home he watches t.v. most of the time or is reading books (not islamic ones, though).
This is where the arguing starts. I have tried to be patient ( i a dmit i am not very patient), but it really gets to me as i feel he should be a better role model for our 4 children, instead of one who just puts them in front of the shaytan box.
I myslef have become involved in learning the deen and keeping pious, righteous friends, and mashallah am benefitting immensley from the knowledge I am gaining.
I try my best to teach my children but i feel my husband is not helping by not taking the kids to the masjid/lectures or encouraging them to do hifz which is my dream for my boys.
This last week he has not been speaking to me after yelling at me over a matter. Sadly, we also do not have a personal relationship anymore. I feel he is not fulfilling my rights in that area, either and it is very frustrating for me.
What do you advise we do?
I want us to work things out, and usually i am the 1st to apologize and i have this time too, to keep the peace. But somehow it dosnet seem the same this time - feels worse than ever b4 as if things are not going to get sorted. Allah u ahlem.
What do you advise we do?
Your duaas will be appreciated also. Please reply soon. Things are getting worse.
Jazakallah khairun,
wassalam

Assalamu Alaikum Dear Muftis,

I had a few questions in general about parents and ones marriage.

If one of the parents want you to get married just so they can get help around the house, is this right?

My main concern and anger is because I have mature brothers at home. I will only marry a girl who does full shar'ee purdah. Yet the main concern my mother has is that she gets help at home and my brothers just take a little care if my wife was around. So they have to hide in their own house.

I wanted to move out immediately after marriage yet keep full contact and home and fulfil my rights of being a son. Of course, sooner or later, I will have no problem with my parents living with us providing there are no issues with privacy such as brothers or even cousins etc.

My parents tell me that my thinking is wrong and it is totally correct for me to marry a girl so my mum can have a girl at home.

Please correct me if I am wrong but this is a very big reason why I am avoiding the entire marriage topic at home.

I know the muftis are busy on this site but if I can get a really simple reply, i'd be grateful.

Assalamu Alaikum

assalamu alaikum,

i just wanted some advice on whether i should go ahead with marrying this guy iv known for more than a year mashallah he is a hafiz and very pious practices the deen etc.. but the thing im worried about is the attraction between us. I feel that the attraction may not be there, and this starts to get me double minded, although i have done istikara many times and it has come out good, but i still feel that the physical attraction might still be a problem, on the other hand he is a very nice guy and loves me very much and because of this reason i feel i couldnt reject him.... i like everything about him except his physical appearance... have u got any advice islamically what i should do whether i should go ahead with it because of the reasons iv stated here??

look forward for ur reply.

jazakallah
wasalaam
sister in islam

assalam-mu-alaikum brothers in islam

i have been married for 6 months now after marriage i found out that my husband was having an affair with another girl...this went on for couple of months..we were happy after we got married but slowly he became distant from me and never use to take me out or talk properly...he now says that he has ended the affair and there is no communication between them i feel that he has changed a little towards me and pays more attention...please kindly provide some significant duas which i can read so that my husband will not ever carry on with these unlawful sins..i sincerely pray for leading a happy marriage with him and make dua..we do talk about issues and he does really understand but i dont want him to ever go back to having any other relations with someone else...please can u give me some duas which i can read and pray for me that we have a happy married life...may allah reward u in abundance and bless u for your hard work...wassalam

assalamu alaikum

my spouse and i normally get along well. we have a great understanding between us. but lately, our relationship seems to be going from good - worse. from my point, he is really controlling my every action. its very dificult for me as i already have kids and i have another on the way. i dont go out with friends. neither do i go out shopping for clothes or to the market with anyone. only rarely im aloud to go with family which is understandeble. my pregnancy hormones are everywhere. iam very sensitive and i get alot of pains. he doesnt seem to have time to see to me. it seems to be a drastic change in him. also he seems to be adament on sorting even the slightest misunderstanding out there and then. be it that iam @ my in-laws. he dosnt understand that it is embarassing for me. he keeps violently pushing me to make me look at him and agree to him. (he only does this when we r alone - pushing me and the rest) i do wish that Allah gave me the ability to keep my mouth shut. although i dont scream, i keep quiet at first. but then he dosnt shut up and he carries on and on like men may describe a 'nagging wife'. thats when i cant keep it quiet and try to say my point. i used to be able to stay quiet, but not at the moment. ive told him im very sensitive at the moment, and i end up crying wanting to walk out on him.
i cant figure out what is wrong. i seem to be loosing myself with my deen. i stopped watching programmes and films since my 1st pregnancy and thought of continuing the rest of my life like this, with out the biggest shaytan. and in my pregnancy, i was extremely carefull watching tv or generally talking afraid of the influence on my unborn. this pregnancy seems to be nothing. i end up watching tv and films with my husband. and my daily wazifas, surats, durrood and manzil have all stopped. i am praying short namazes making it a habbit. Allah, has taken this away from me and although i crave for it to be back and stop the other gunas, i cant get myself to do it. i feel like runinng away from my husband but i dont coz deep down we love each other and we have too many kids!! but i cant control my feelings when he becomes like an opressor.
please advise me in the best possible manner. and asap
sorry to burden your eysesight with this ever long message.

assalamu-alaikum.
iam married with kids. my husband & i used to get along fine. lately he seems to be distanced from me. i have confronted him in a nice way. i dont know if its due to me or work related (self employed). i just started doing purdah some yrs back & feel that since then we dong go out. he doesnt take me no where. likes to control my every movement in & outdoors. i myself hardly like to go out due to fitnah. but he does not like me going with my own family if i NEED to get something 4 myself or kids. i dont get spending money. when i do ask, he hardly gives much. i feel lonely & stressed. i just want my life back with him. ive tried 2 arrange for me & him only to go out 2 eat & spend time, but he never responds. i know he loves me deep down. what can i do?