Tal
1
Dear mufti sir,
I am in the biggest self created mess of my life and I don't know how will it turn good for everyone involved.
I was a semi religious boy offering Jummah regularly, performing the best prayers and salahs in ramadhan and fasting, but only offering salahs inconsistently for some months and then leaving them.
I got lost in a dark place, I committed Zina and then asked for true tawbah from Allah not to repeat the crime, then I got in touch with the girl I had known since my college days but she had got married 6 or 7 years ago, before her marriage we had gotten into inappropriate messaging only, and then she got married. She met me after 7 years and I committed Zina with her, she was equally involved. She blamed me for everything and I got so depressed, I lost into a darker place, I started committing Zina again until I got a sign from Allah to mend my ways truly, I cried for the first time on the prayer mat and said I will not repeat any of my wrongdoings, did the true tawbah again and had not had intercourse again with a woman again.
I thought my prayer had been accepted, I was clean and got married after 2 years. 7 months after my marriage, my wife got to know about my past, all the details, and she can't see my true tawbah or my mended ways, I have tried everything, I am deeply in love with her, haven't thought of other women or committed anything after marriage, I was clean, but the past still came rushing back to haunt me. I have asked for forgiveness from my wife, and that I am her biggest culprit, asked Allah for help as well. But she will not listen to me, can't even see me,
I don't want to give her talaaq as it's gonna be a bigger sin, or leave her. I asked her to leave me but she is keeping my honor so not everyone knows about my past.
What should I do?
