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ANSWERED: i am married with kids...

Last updated: 7th October 2004
Question ID: #62
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assalamu-alaikum. iam married with kids. my husband & i used to get along fine. lately he seems to be distanced from me. i have confronted him in a nice way. i dont know if its due to me or work related (self employed). i just started doing purdah some yrs back & feel that since then we dong go out. he doesnt take me no where. likes to control my every movement in & outdoors. i myself hardly like to go out due to fitnah. but he does not like me going with my own family if i NEED to get something 4 myself or kids. i dont get spending money. when i do ask, he hardly gives much. i feel lonely & stressed. i just want my life back with him. ive tried 2 arrange for me & him only to go out 2 eat & spend time, but he never responds. i know he loves me deep down. what can i do?

Wa Alaikum Salam.

The problem you have stated is a very common issue that is taking place in many households. These problems slowly sink into a person and negative thoughts are placed into the heart from Shaytaan. What we can suggest is that you do not keep the feelings inside. He married you and has dedicated himself to you. This gives him the right to know your ever movement aswel as trust you in every way. >From your stated problem, we can see that it is very disturbing. Firstly, you say you have confronted him in a nice way but did not tell us what the response was. If the response was blank and not of much help then it can most probably mean he has his own issues that are bothering him. We can suggest that you ask him why he is so distant from you and why he is keeping his feelings inside. It is a matter of marriage and children. If it is not talked about then it will effect more than just yourselves. Talking is always the best solution. Sometimes it is better to involve a trustworthy respected third person (preferably elder). This helps the couple to keep control. Avoiding issues at an early stage can build up to hatred. Make Du'aa in the loneliness, ask Allah's help, and if loneliness creates stress, recite the following Du'aa regularly:

"Hasbunallahu Wa Ni'mal Wakeel"

Always remember to let him know that you are confronting him because he is your husband and you will always and only confront him when there is an issue.

Regarding not going out and not letting you go out with family, we do not know the reason and therefore can not give a steady answer. It would be best Insha-Allah if you asked the reasons making sure he realizes that you are not asking for a valid reason or purpose of it, but you are asking because you want to clear all doubts as to why he does that and accept it so you can feel happy inside and inclined towards the positiveness of the decision to maintain the love you already have for him.

May Allah Subhanhu Wa Ta'aalaa make it easy on you and let you pass this time of test creating a stronger bond between you and Allah. Ameen

Answer Approved by Shaikhul Hadeeth Mufti Umar Farooq Sahib

Answer last updated on:
7th October 2004
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 06
Location: London