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husbands strong desires

Last updated: 23rd August 2012
Question ID: #4179
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salams i am a busy mother to six children,wear full niqaab i have a ever sex demanding husband,which is very hard at times to make his need fulfil he usually needs fulfilling around 2-3 times a week,sometimes more & sometimes less when i come on my periods it becomes a nightmare for him to deal with,all he wants to do is get in there,my period lasts up to 7 to 10 days. i do come to him & try my best to comfort him but that's not enough,he needs more & wants more,he undresses me & then ends up nearly doing it which in turn i feel very very upset & angry,as i know it is a sin & haram i too get very tired with waking up early morning,sending kids off to school,doing rounds for school & madrassah while he his all day at work,when i come on my period it like a week off for me,but it doesn,t end there,his like wants to caress me all the time and im so not in the mood recently i have avoided him during this period & sleeping away from him i.e not next to him,but he has now found another way to full fill him from his internet mobile where he sees nude photos,he says he has only done it once but i have seen recent dates where he had been on this he is a very decent man i would say & usually i am very aware of him being on the internet ect.i know he can get carried away with his sexual desires & i do ground him very badly when i do find out his been looking at nude stuff over the internet,meaning not talk to him or threaten him to leave because i have alot of hate for people watching nude stuff when you have a wife that gives you everything! i dress up many times at night for him & wear the most skimpiest underwear i can find to please him & look beautiful for him,then why the complain? and now this nude viewing! why i ask? i have asked from allah many times to make his desire a bit less so i can cope with,as i too am a human being & believe it or not all busy mothers sometimes just want a good night sleep after a tiring day please advise


Al-jawab billahi at-taufeeq (the answer with Allah's guidance)

Abu Huraira (RadhiyAllahu Anhu) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “By the one in whose hands is my life, there is not a man who calls his wife for sexual intimacy and she refuses him except that Allah becomes angry with her until her husband is pleased with her.” (Sahih Muslim, No. 1436)

It should be remembered here that, the wife must obey her husband in his request for sexual intimacy unless she has a valid reason. She must obey him as long as she does not have to forego her own rights. As such, if the wife is ill, fears physical harm or she is emotionally drained, on periods etc; she will not be obliged to comply with her husband’s request for sexual intimacy. Rather, the husband would be required to show her consideration.

Allah Most High says:

“On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear.” (Surah al-Baqarah, 286)

Many times it is observed that the husband demands from his wife to fulfill his sexual needs no matter what state she is in, and uses Hadiths to impose himself over her. If the wife is not in a state to engage in sexual activities and has a genuine and valid reason, and the husband forces her, then he will be sinful.

Finally, these matters should be resolved with mutual understanding, regard for one another, love, gentleness and putting one’s spouse before one’s self. The Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has reported to have said: “None of you can be a true believer until he loves for his brother/sister what he loves for him” and the importance of this is even greater in a marital relationship.

And Only Allah Ta'ala Knows Best.

Answer last updated on:
26th August 2012
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 04
Location: London