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should they seperate

Last updated: 14th November 2010
Question ID: #4139
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Salaam, My brother has been newly married for 7 months it was an arranged marriage, he now wants to break of his marriage due to the fact he does not get along with his wife and feels that there is no connection between them. There were also a few secrets which he found out about her that she didnt mention proir to the wedding because they were introduced to eachother and spoke for a few weeks leading to the wedding. Now he just seems to not want to forget these faults about her and wants to seperate. They have gone to imams who have explained they should keep trying but he has made up his mind. However divorce in my family will be a big deal and possibly break the family. Please advice me and perhaps a few hadiths and what does the quran and hadiths say about the breaking of a marriage. I know divorce is not liked by allah but are two people ment to stay with eachother and stay astray? would it be better just to seperate and find new spouses? He explained that there just doesnt seem to be any love growing, no noor in his heart for her at all. what would you suggest please advice as best as u can. eagerly await your reply jazakallah

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Al Jawaab Billahit-Tawfeeq

Respected brother/sister

As Salaamu Alaikum

Allah describes one of the purposes of your spouse in surah rum:

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts), verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (Qur’? Ar-Rum: 21)

If the purpose of tranquillity, love and mercy is not being fulfilled, then the couple MUST make effort to bring about these qualities.


The husband and wife should try to find ways of pleasing their spouses, by words, actions, gifts, gestures etc… Have they said I love you to each other? Even though love may not be apparent, with the intention of goodness and effort of sacrifice Allah will bless the couple and instil love in their hearts.

If after genuine effort has been made (Allah sees and knows what is apparent and what is concealed) and the married couple have still no feelings and feel that the marriage will not work then, Allah mentions the next steps in Surah nisa:

35. If you fear a breach between them (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her's; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things.

After effort has been made by the couple as individuals and no solution has come to light, then a trustworthy, pious and concerned member of the family from both sides should be bought forward to come to some solution or plan of action. If all the parties are genuinely concerned and wish for peace then Allah’s promise will be fulfilled of reconciliation, if this is not the intention of peace by ALL the parties then, Allah has told us the next step in surah nisa:

130. But if they separate (by divorce), Allah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty. And Allah is Ever All-Sufficient for His creatures' need, All-Wise.

Divorce should be the last resort; this will only come about if genuine effort has not been made. As, Allah has promised if genuine effort has been made he will reconcile, as Allahs words are the most truthful, he is the most wise and knows all our intentions. Be very careful in matters such as delicate as this, as the families of the husband and wife will be affected also.

Please, remember GENIUNE and SINCERE INTENTION and EFFORT from all sides i.e. husband is sincere and genuine, wife is sincere and genuine and the other family members are also, the intention should be to make the marriage work for the sake of Allah, and the actions should be implemented accordingly, if the intention is present and no actions it will not work vice versa, it MUST happen from all the people involved. So, if it seems a family member wishes to break the marriage they should not be involved. These steps will make it work as promised by Allah.

Wallahu Alam

And Allah knows best

Answer last updated on:
18th April 2013
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 16