Zee
1
Aslam O Alaikum !
I hope you are doing well.. I really need your help and guidance... I got married with good intentions, I was naive, I did not understand the meaning of Nikkah... and its responsibilities, no one explained it to me.. I was not able to consummate my marriage due to lack of knowledge of its importance... I did not have a father to guide me... He passed away when I was 20... I got married at 25 but was stupid and naive...
I had psychological issues, personality issues, socialization problems... due to all of this I was not able to figure out who I am, and what I want.. I did not treat my wife fairly or good enough... I never meant to harm her, or insult her, or hurt her in any way... I always cared for her, I always fulfilled her materialistic needs and tried my best to do good with her... But I was not there for her emotionally, and the physical relationship was not as good as it should have been, because I lacked the knowledge and was stupid... Not because I did not want to do it... I always cared for her selflessly in other matters... I was missing guidance on how to form a relationship as it was a first experience for me...
After marriage shaitan got in between us, and I started following shaitan, instead of trying to build relations with my wife, I thought about other women, second marriage and instead of trying to take our relationship to the next step, I started to look for reasons to get out... I was confused and lost and distracted... I wanted to continue things with her as well, but misunderstandings and miscommunication started to add friction between us, and we were not able to handle it maturely, because we were naive.... In my family I am the eldest, and my mother is not that smart either... Her family also was not able to handle things maturely and peacefully... Everyone just ended up causing more confusion and fuss...
I gave her one Divorce/Talaq verbally and face to face with intention... but I didn't do it because I hate her or don't like her, I did it because I was naive and was not able to handle things maturely... I did it as a warning... I had the intention of Ruju with her while giving my first divorce...
After 5 days, her Family started to ask me to end the marriage, without her consent... while I was intending to do Ruju... I was already disturbed mentally and not able to think straight... They kept on calling and asking to end, they did it 3 times... Then I went and started the procedure for a single divorce, and asked them to take away their stuff... while in my heart I still wanted Ruju... Then her family came to my home uninvited, bringing along some of their friends and relatives... insulted me and my family, humiliated us, cursed us... tried to create a scene and start a fight... However we handled things maturely and kept sabar... After that I was very very angry and filled with rage and wanted revenge, and wanted to kill her family... and in that anger, and pain, and mix of emotions I ended up signing the first Talaq in written... I did not know what I was doing, I just had no other choice, I was forced to give this reaction.....
Some of my relatives mentioned the procedure to give 3 Talaq one every month... But I was not aware of the fact that marriage can be ended with one Talaq, and 2 Talaq and a woman is still Halal to do Nikkah... I did not have proper guidance, and I was told the procedure is to give 3 Talaq one every month, so I ended up signing 2 more papers, I just did it as a formality... and had no intention of giving 3 Talaq even while signing the papers... I only gave her one Talaq intentionally... everything else that happened was never my intention, and I was not in my senses, I was filled with rage and anger, and I was naive...
It's been almost 1 and half years now... and I still care for her and love her... I regret my sins, my misbehavior, my stupidity and lack of knowledge and proper guidance... I wish I could have done things differently to save my marriage... During this time, Allah pushed me away... and I was depressed and doing haram things, and lost and on the wrong path... I realised my mistakes, regretted it and asked for forgiveness with tears during the Taraweeh in Ramadan... and I started to feel Allah's love again in my heart ... Then I got a message from my ex-wife, I found out she is still not married... and I know she feels for me as much as I do...
I wish to get her back in my life, if Allah wills, and if there is a way ... Please help me and guide me... Is there any possibility for me to get her back given my circumstances, lack of knowledge, and intentions... Can I do Nikkah with her again?
Please ask me if you have any more questions... Please guide me on this matter...
