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Can I marry this sister without the knowledge of her and my parents due to invalid reasons for rejec

Last updated: 4th July 2023
Question ID: #8808
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Assalamwuakaikum, I would like an answer for a scenario that I am currently in. I am 19 years old and a student at university. I have known this girl for over 3 years and I have known her really well for just over 1 year. I really want to marry her and so does she want to marry me. Our parents spoke and although my parents were willing to meet and speak, her parents rejected on the basis that we are too young and that me as the man, I have no income yet and no house. We really want to make things halal to avoid zina and her parents told mine that they say no due to age, but secretly it’s because they wish for her to marry a much older relative, Which she has openly said no to. Her father is not the best of people for reasons, he is against my proposal due to my geographical location (does not like area where I live) and is very stubborn. Her mother has spoke to me and was the one to tell me to get my parents to speak to the girls parents. So she is understanding of our situation but her husband is very against it for what i believe is an invalid reason. The girl has told me that she doesn’t want me to fully financially depend on me and has agreed with me the idea that we can remain in our parents home until I have graduated with a job. But her parents do not want us to marry simply due to age and not having a house (alongside judging me for where I live). I would like to marry her with permission of an imaam and not make our family aware of our nikkah, and eventually they will accept, and at that point. Can we do another nikkah contract to avoid huge family arguments as her family is very culturally minded. I believe I meet the requirements that she wants for us to get married in terms of Mehr, providing for her when she wants me to, just the guardianship and witnesses is my concern and whether with this situation. Can I get nikkah done without the knowledge of her and my parents for this scenario? Jazakallah khair

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

الجواب حامداومصليا

In Islam, secret marriage is not the way to contract a proper marriage. It is discouraged to do this. Scholars mentioned the proper way of contracting a marriage is getting approval of her guardian as she may not be compatible and make the right decision. Announcing the marriage is also important so that people will be refrained from falsely accusing one of having a Haram relationship.

However, scholars also mentioned that the minimum requirement of a valid Nikah is when Nikah is done with offer and acceptance and with two witnesses present.

In the case scenario, it is better to get her guardians approval.

وينعقد متلبسا بايجاب من أحدهما وقبول من الأخر وضعا للمضي الخ وفيه أيضا وشرط حضور شاهدين حرين مكلفين سامعين قولهما معا علي الأصح ملخصا
(رد المحتار, 3\9-12,سعيد)

And Allah knows best

18 Dhul Hijja 1444/ 07 July 2023

Answer last updated on:
11th July 2023
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 04
Location: London