Salaam, I have a question. I follow the hanafi fiqh and therefore would request a response from this school of thought please.
My husband and I married in 2016 and unfortunately we have had problems since then. I appreciate that every story has 2 sides and therefore will try to keep it brief.
In summary I have reached the conclusion that my husband and I are just incompatible and sadly he is not showing any willingness to better himself or try to salvage our marriage.
I found myself constantly criticised by both my husband and his family for almost everything. I was constantly blamed for any issues, little empathy was shown to me and my husband's behaviour was always justified by him and his mother.
I fell pregnant immediately after our nikkah and I had a particularly difficult pregnancy, I was very unwell and had little support from my husband or in laws.
After the baby was born I started experiencing a lot of anger and lashing out at my husband, mainly verbally as I felt he was never around to support me. Constantly working or with his family.
My husband moved in and out of the house and blamed me saying I have a mental health condition or anger problems.
In December 2018 after getting slightly physical with me, my husband left our home and moved out. He told me the marriage was not working and that he wanted a divorce. He also said he wanted a 6 month break. During this time he showed no signs of reconciling so I moved on with life i.e. I bought a house for myself and my daughter. He was aware of this but accepted thay we weren't together so I could do what I wanted.
7/8 months later he started sleeping over at the new house but in the spare room, this was mainly for our daughter and convenience. We had little communications and with each other and when we did communicate we argued.
We have not have physical relations pretty much throughout our marriage maybe once a month at best. And during our 6 month speration there was no physical relations.
Last week after another argument, my husband was extremely verbally abusive towards me and told me he wanted a divorce.His words were "I want a divorce" its over I'm done with you etc etc.
This is not the first time he said this to me in our marriage or indicated he wants a divorce.
Later that morning he repeated that he wanted a divorce and after I left the house for work, he text me saying he wanted to finalise the divorce today.
My question is, does this class as an effective divorce? There is no confusion around his intention. He has accepted on many occasions that our marriage is over and has made no real effort to reconcile.
I on the other hand with Allah (SWT) as my witness can stay I had done everything within my reasonable control to salvage my marriage. I am previously divorced and desperately did not want to be divorced again.
I sought medical help for my alleged anger problems and was told by the doctor that I don't have any problems. I changed the way I dress, I stopped speaking to my family, I spent all my spare time at my in laws.
In return my husband was never home and the time he was it was for our daughter. Financially he has not contributed towards the running of the house and I do this independently.
My husband is the kind of person who likes to keep up appearances and i fear that he is pushing me to initiate divorce proceedings with his behaviour because he doesn't want to be the one responsible for issuing a talaq so he can say to his family and the community that it was me who divorced him and blame me for this also. I am in limbo as I don't want to initiate divorce proceedings through the shariah court but fear he will keep me hanging on indefinitely as it suits him.
I recently started taking an Islamic class and tried to encourage him to join me but he said he didn't need it and I needed it more and he constantly tells me that I am a e that he is blackmailing me wit
"I want a divorce"....."Its over I'm done with you," etc. These statements won't constitute a valid divorce as they are merely a promise or a warning and promises and warning do not effect Talaq. However, if he said "....I divorce you" instead then one Talaq would occur. So in your case Talaq has not occurred and your Nikah is still intact.
بخلافه قوله سأطلق طلاق كنم لانه استقبال فلم يكن تحقيقا بالتشكيك
(الفتاوى العالمكيرية ج.1 ص.384, كتاب الطلاق, رشيدية)