Shaik Mohammed Fazal
1
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu respected Mufti Sahib,
I hope this message finds you in the best of health and imaan. I am writing to seek your sincere guidance regarding an important matter of marriage, as I wish to proceed in a manner that is pleasing to Allah ﷻ while also upholding respect and obedience towards my parents.
Alhamdulillah, I had the opportunity to perform Umrah in December 2024. During my time in the Haram, I made a very heartfelt and specific du‘a to Allah ﷻ, asking Him to bless me with a pious and righteous spouse from among those present in the sacred places at that time. This du‘a came from a place of sincerity and longing for a marriage based on deen, akhlaq, and mutual growth in the Hereafter.
During that Umrah trip, there was a sister in our tour group with whom I had no interaction whatsoever. We did not speak or communicate in any form. After returning to India, by what seems like an unexpected coincidence, I later discovered that she works in the same organization as me, on the same floor. Some time after this, she approached me with a proposal for marriage and wanted to involve wali.
She shared that during Umrah, whenever she made du‘a for a righteous spouse, my face would come to her mind repeatedly during tawaf and sa‘i. When we later ended up working in the same place without prior knowledge, she felt this might be a sign or acceptance of du‘a from Allah ﷻ.
After limited and respectful conversations, I found her to be strong in deen, good in akhlaq, modest in conduct, and compatible with me in terms of culture, background, and values. I feel a sense of peace and clarity regarding this matter, and my heart inclines towards her with the intention of a halal and righteous marriage.
When I presented this proposal to my mother, she expressed strong hesitation. Her concerns were primarily related to girl’s complexion, perceived family background, if I'm financially settled and how the marriage might be viewed by relatives and society. While I fully respect my parents and understand their concerns come from their perspective and experience, I felt that aspects such as the girl’s deen, character, and suitability for a righteous married life were not given due consideration.
I am now at a crossroads and seek your guidance on the following matters:
1. In Islam, how should one balance parental approval with choosing a spouse based on deen and character, especially when objections are primarily cultural or societal rather than Islamic?
2. Is it permissible and advisable to gently try to convince one’s parents in such a situation, and if so, what is the correct Islamic manner to do so?
3. How much weight should personal inclination and a sense of spiritual connection hold, provided all Islamic boundaries are maintained?
4. If one fears losing a suitable, righteous spouse due to societal considerations, what guidance does Shariah provide?
My intention is not to disobey or hurt my parents, but rather to proceed with wisdom, patience, du‘a, and consultation, ensuring that my decision aligns with the pleasure of Allah ﷻ and long-term barakah in marriage.
I humbly request your advice and du‘a in this matter.
JazakAllahu Khairan for your time and guidance.
