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When is jealousy too invasive?

Last updated: 31st October 2024
Question ID: #11070
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Salam Alaykum, I'm a muslim revert, living in the west. Me and my wife both work (in different countries at the moment). Due to the nature of her work, she is able to limit and avoid interactions with the opposite gender, as this is normally attended by other non-muslim women. However - I do find myself being jealous or over-worried whenever she is leaving work or not picking up her phone. She was raised in a Muslim household - with a very strict father - and she claims even I am stricter than him at times. I do recognise I might be overbearing to her at times - and I should tone it down - but I can't differentiate between 'healthy jealousy' and 'oppressive jealousy'. I find myself overly suspicious by simply her not answering the phone or travelling back home. Would you be able to clarify 'what's the -right- kind of jealousy' and 'what is suspiciousness'?


بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

الجواب حامدا ومصليا

To have Ghairah (protective jealousy) over one’s spouse is not a problem. It should be justified and moderately shown and not excessive otherwise excessive jealousy will lead to unwanted suspicion.

It is Haram to be suspicious on your spouse this leads to lots of Waswasa and negativity about one’s spouse and affect one’s marriage.

“O mankind! Avoid much suspicion, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another.” (49:12)

“Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales.” (Bukhari 78/94)

A Muslim woman must observe Hijab and lower her gazes not intermingle with the opposite gender and any interaction should be kept to a minimal necessity. A Muslim man must lower his gazes and not intermingle with the opposite gender and keep interaction to a minimal.

“O Prophet!˺ Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do.” (24/30)

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, and not to reveal their adornments except what normally appears. Let them draw their veils over their chests, and not reveal their ˹hidden˺ adornments….” (24/31)

There is no need for you to over worry when she is leaving home or not picking up your call. However, it is important for both to communicate with each other to satisfy each other’s heart.

And Allah knows best

27 Rabiul Thani 1446/ 31 October 2024
Mufti
Answer last updated on:
5th November 2024
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 04
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Location: London
Mufti Qamruzzaman

London, UK