Assalamu alaykum moulana
Hope you are well
I recently went for umrah, and since then started learning more about islam. Before this I was very haphazard about islam, and wasn't particularly concerned with what sins I'm doing, not wearing hijab etc, however I am now trying and have implemented changes.
I have uttered a few statements which I am uncertain about if any of them/which of these are kufr statements:
1. When I went for umrah I really tried my best to exert myself, however I would get tired and irritable with people there pushing and shoving, and find it difficult to be rushing to masjid five times a day, the heat etc, and I expressed my annoyance by saying things like, "when we come for hajj, we should only come for hajj for 2 weeks to avoid the difficulties encountered" or "I just want to go home after umrah" when we did not have a hotel to stay in as the accommodation got cancelled, or "I don't even know if Allah will accept my umrah as I have been so impatient and shouted at people".
2. I do not recall the exact conversation, but I mentioned to somebody that I would not disown/cut off my child should he/she be conducting homosexual actions. I did not however say the action is halal. I do not even have children, and I now realise I should not have said this, as it is a haraam act.
2. I said "Jesus" when someone made me angry. I did not intent it as a belief of any sort, it came out by mistake, as they do in movies. I also realise this is incorrect.
3. I read online Q&A about a few fatwa-for eg, some saying woman cannot attend Salah at a masjid, or that it is preferable for woman who are menstruating to make wudhu and sit on their musallah at Salah times, or that woman cannot leave the house for a walk/exercise. I was finding it difficult to follow all these rules at once, especially since I was not properly practicing islam before, and blurted out something like "but then our lives will be so boring and stupid", referring to if we have to follow these strict guidelines from these strict ulema. I did not mean that Islam is "boring and stupid", but that these ulema are making it harder.
I know this shouldn't have been said either as the ulema are knowledgable and I am the one who is at fault.
4. Does saying a certain action is difficult constitute kufr, for example, saying "if a woman finds wearing hijab difficult, and those who do not wear it have it easier" - I uttered this statement as quoted, I did not say I find it difficult, just that a woman might find it difficult. The context of this statement was in the same conversation as the one above. I was confiding in my husband that I am trying to change and these are my difficulties encountered.
5. I was watching a YouTube video wherein a lady mentioned something about 'tears of the gods' and I mockingly said, "im not sure why her gods are crying", but I immediately said after that, Astaghfirullah we only have one and the same God, Allah. I was meaning she has a false belief/false gods when I said that initial statement.
6. Somebody was referring to a new walled city they are building in Saudi Arabia, and I said "is yajooj and majooj there", as a joke, I did not believe they are, but it was more like to say that Saudi is becoming so westernised that so many evil things are prevalent there (outside of Makkah and Medina).
7. When I used to listen to music, I once said the lyrics of an Indian song by mistake, which translated to "just like Eid on the day of holi" or something like that, however I did not mean it and it was simply said by mistake.
8. I read a news article wherein children in western countries are allowed to medically transition into another gender from the time they are kids. To this, I said to my husband, "If ever, they should at least not allow it for children/wait until they are 18". What I meant is not to say its allowed or right, but that its even worse if a child is being allowed such irreversible changes and haraam, as in, the western society should at the very least protect children from this.
I apologise for the long email, and if this sounds so terrible. I realise none of these statements should have been uttered, and I am consumed by guilt. Since I have decided I want to change my ways, I do not know what is happening, I feel like I keep saying the wrong things and making mistakes.
I have repeated my shahaadah, do I need to repeat my nikah? I do not want to make a mockery of my marriage either, as I fear I will make mistakes again in future, and then how many times will I keep saying to repeat my nikah. However if the above statements are that of Kufr, then please let me know if its necessary for me to repeat my nikah.