Alisha
1
Assalamu Alaikum,
I have been dealing with many mental strifes, which is why I have decided to seek advice through the lens of Islam.
I believe in Allah, and I have complete faith in Him. I got no friends, so I consider Him my best and most loyal friend I could ever have. Yet, lately, I have been struggling with keeping my faith in Allah strong. Let me tell you why. Since my childhood, it was my dream to make an outstanding result and get into an Ivy League university; but unfortunately, that did not happen. My grades never met my expectations, and currently, I am studying a subject of my choice, but not at an Ivy League University. I remained pleased with it, thinking it was Allah's decision, and I adhered to the belief that Allah does what is best for us.
However, lately, whenever I see someone or a batchmate studying at an Ivy League University, it reminds me of my childhood dream, and I feel extremely inferior to them. It makes me question Allah's love for me. Does Allah love them more? Does Allah not care about my dreams? Then I begin to see my unfulfilling dream as a punishment from Allah. I feel that Allah probably dislikes me and does not really care about me. It makes me feel very insecure.
A few more things are triggering my insecurities. I used to do very well in class. But my grades started to decline during the senior years of my school when I was preparing for board examinations. (I just could not cope with the education system, and those years were the most struggling times of my life so far.) Unfortunately, as I said earlier in my message, I could not achieve the grades of my dreams, which has completely shattered my confidence. And these days, it is causing me to lose trust in Allah because I feel Allah was not with me back then, and I fear He will probably not be with me in the future as well. He does not care about me or my dreams. Had He cared, I could have fulfilled at least one of my dreams and made my family proud.
Sometimes, I find myself questioning, does Allah have any plans for me at all? I feel like a cursed child who could never make her parents proud and may never be able to achieve anything to make them proud at least once. I feel less eligible, thinking no highly qualified man would want to marry me as I am not an Ivy League graduate and not as successful as them. All in all, I am losing faith in Allah, thinking he has nothing good in store for me. Please kindly advise how I can restore peace of mind and trust in Allah. My insecurities, fear, and inferiority complex are destroying me.
