Mental sickness

I am from domestic violence family. My parents have abusive relationship. Generally Muslim misinterpret quran surah an nissa. They bit their wife. In law bit their wife' . People teach what is rights of husband but don't teach what is farz of husband. There are different type of dowry in different cultures. You have to give truck full of iftari. You have to give expensive marriage party other wise women torture. Men don't give mehr but they want food from their wife. If girls parents give iftari, boys mother monetize it how much prize iftari it is. If a women divorce her husband for domestic violence society slender women. They say my husband also bit me but talaq gunaah. U r women and u have to bear it. I am unmarried and due to my parents domestic violence I am having mental illness. Now parents don't respect mentel patient. When I was in class 12 I fought with my parents to consult psychiatrist. I was having suicidal thought. After medicine I was fine. I didn't have suicidal thought but I stopped medicine. Society think it stigma to consult psychiatrist. When I told my mother to consult psychiatrist, I am having suicidal thought she burned my hand by saying let's have taste of jahannam. Well I wanted to consult to psychiatrist because suicide is haram.when my parents burned me I told I will bit you .i am having ocd. I can't sit in one place I self talk. My parents tell one who will marry me will bit my parents with shoe because I am pagal. I never thought about society. I am ambitious. I wanted to study. I had hope that one day I will get cure and get married. But now I am not able to study in depression. My cousin sister had baby and my father scolded me. Whenever I attend marriage party people comment on my looks. I am not beautiful. No one will marry me. Now my life became hard. I was namaji but now I stopped it. I stopped it not because I don't have faith but because due to depression I became unproductive. I know marriage is not something possible even if I get cure. People will comment and call me mental. I was in one sided love with person who made me namaji hijabi Ramzan fast but how he can marry mental I'll patients. He rejected. I have not seen him from 5 years and have no contact. I told my parents because of domestic violence I am I'll. They said why my brother is not I'll. Now I am not able to study eat due to loneliness. I have nothing except study. But due to loneliness I am not able to study. I got scolding from teacher for not doing assignment properly. Now I am 21 years. I know marriage is not something possible. I should focus on my study but I mean not able to study due to loneliness. Now my question is how I'll person should live alone. People will scold mental I'll patients. They treat us burden. I know I am not capable of marriage. I am I'll. But I am not able to live alone. I pretend in front of parents that I don't want to marry. If I will cry then they will say me it's your fault. Even if I don't cry then they will scold for not getting married. If I show them my emotion then my conditions will become worse. Well now I want to study but how to study