WE OFFER HUSBANDS a prescription which will ensure happiness in the home-a prescription which is designed to overcome incompatibility between spouses. It is the prescription of the Qur'aan-the prescription of the Sunnah.
Both husband and wife are the makhlooq (creation) of Allah Ta'ala. In His infinite wisdom, Allah Ta'ala has assigned different rights, duties and obligations to the variety of specimens of His makhlooq. Allah Ta'ala has assigned the wife to the care of the husband. She is His makhlooq whom He has placed in the custody of the husband. Allah Ta'ala has awarded custody of the wife to the husband by way of Amaanat (Sacred Trust), not by way of mielkiyyat (ownership). As such, the wife in the custody of her husband and under his jurisdiction is a Sacred Trust. She is the sole property of Allah Ta'ala-and of no one else.
Normally, the rule of Amaanat is that the Ameen (Trustee) is under compulsory obligation to maintain and guard the Amaanat. He is not permitted to derive any personal benefit or use from or with the Amaanat. However, Allah Ta'ala in His infinite mercy has bestowed to the husband the right to derive comfort, rest, peace and benefit from the Sacred Trust we call The Wife.
In the first instance the wife has been brought within the fold of the husband's custody in the Name of Allah Azza Wa Jal. It is with Allah's Name that the derivation of Benefit has been made Halaal. This permission to derive benefit from the Sacred Amaanat is the Nikah contract. When the husband accepts the Amaanat of Wife from Allah Ta'ala, he solemnly pledges to His Khaaliq (Creator) that he will derive the permitted benefit from the Amaanat within the Divine Code prescribed by Allah's Constitution, viz., the Shariah. When the husband accepts the Amaanat of Allah Azza Wa Jal at the Nikah ceremony, he sincerely, wholeheartedly and solemnly pledges to Allah Ta'ala that he will honour the Pledge and guard the Amaanat in exactly the manner in which Allah Ta'ala has commanded in His Shariah. He pledges to fulfil all the rights of the Amaanat.
Now since the husband has made this pledge with Allah Ta'ala and taken the wife into his custody in Allah's Name, he should understand that the slightest abuse of the sacred Trust is an act of great perfidy. Abuse of the Amaanat-failing in the observance of the Huqooq of the wife, verbally abusing her, physically assaulting her, mentally abusing her, leaving her in suspense and causing her any takleef whatsoever, are treacherous acts against the Pledge the husband had given to Allah Ta'ala.
It is of imperative importance that the husband understands that Allah Ta'ala has assigned the wife to his custody not only for his sexual pleasure. There are numerous rights and obligations which the divine legalization of this benefit brings in its wake. Many husbands, due to gross ignorance of the requisites of the sacred Pledge by which they accept the Sacred Trust, labour under the massive misconception that they are accepting the Amaanat only for the derivation of the benefit of lawful conjugal relations. It is precisely due to this ignorance and misconception that they do not consider themselves bound by the demands of the Amaanat Pledge. Thus, the slightest annoyance, incompatibility, indifference and indiscretion by the wife culminates in dispute, argument, abuse and impatience with all the misery which daily every married couple suffers.
It is essential that the husband understands that when he deals with his wife, he deals with Allah's property. Abusing Allah's property is tantamount to treachery. It is a grave crime, the consequences of which cannot be escaped here in this world nor in the Aakhirah. The husband has to necessarily reflect and meditate before he submits to his emotional dictates of impatience, and anger. Before he opens his mouth to emit a torrent of abuse or before he lifts his hand or before he acts disgustingly or spitefully, he should briefly meditate and remind himself that he is dealing with the property of Allah Ta'ala whom He has assigned to his custody.
Even if the wife fails in the execution of her duties to her husband, he has to understand that in whatever he desires to implement in his endeavour for the acquisition of his lawful rights, he deals with Allah's property. As such he can only refer to the limits prescribed by the Shariah. He may not trespass one iota beyond those limits. If he does, he comes within the purview of Allah's Warning: "These are the prescribed limits of Allah. Whoever transgresses these limits, verily, he has committed great oppression on his own soul."-Qur'aan
Incompatibility between the spouses, especially in this era when Islamic values and understanding have been eroded--when marriage is no longer regarded as a Pledge with Allah-when the aim is merely sexual gratification and when the lifestyle is almost totally in emulation of the libertine cult of the west, are to be expected. When a man ventures into marriage, he should do so fully understanding the many pitfalls and hazards which accompany his acceptance of the Amaanat. Marriage is never a bed of roses as stupid people believe prior to embarking on this voyage. Someone asked Hadhrat Ali (radhiyallahu anhu) about marriage. He replied: "When you marry, you embark on the ship, and when the child is born, the ship sinks."
Furthermore, Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has given the husband advance notice of two peculiarities of the wife: (1) She has been created from a crooked rib, and (2) She is Naaqisatul Aql (Deficient in intelligence). These two Allah-given attributes of the wife are the greatest mitigating factors to mellow her indiscretion and tempestuous emotional eruptions. They are in fact tacit commands for the husband to exercise caution and wisdom, and to act with circumspect when he deals with Allah's Bandi-His Amaanat whom the husband has accepted in Allah's Name.
Her creation from Hadhrat Aadam's rib and her deficiency in intelligence do not mean that she is stupid. These attributes merely apprise the husband of her natural quality of haste and short sightedness. She naturally blurts out hurtful words and acts with indiscretion. Her thinking process generally comes into operation after the action of her tongue. Now that Allah Ta'ala has already apprised the husband of these inborn traits of the Amaanat He has assigned to the care of the husband, the latter has to be exceptionally careful when the wife lapses into indiscretion and short sightedness,
If the husband develops by meditation the understanding that his wife is Allah's property and His Amaanat, he will be more careful before he acts to find coolness for his anger and temper in torrents of verbal, physical and mental abuse. Whenever he feels constrained by his temper and other emotional dictates to sully the Amaanat in his care, then it is Waajib for him to ruminate on her being Allah's property.
When Allah Azza Wa Jal will question him, the emphasis will be on his abuse of Allah's property, not on her indiscretion which led her to fail in observing his rights. The husband must understand that he is empowered to display his annoyance and anger, and to institute measures of punishment only in the way commanded by Allah Ta'ala for the goodness and welfare of the wife herself. The husband is not allowed by Allah Ta'ala to neglect the Amaanat by neglecting her moral and spiritual ta'leem and tarbiyat. Thus, the action which he has to implement even at the cost of the wife's displeasure pertains to only the Law of Allah Ta'ala which places the husband under obligation to display annoyance in certain aspects.
But, in the matter of his personal desires, likes and dislikes, it is imperative that the husband exercises the greatest patience and understanding. He will cultivate these virtues once he fully comprehends that he has Allah's Amaanat in his custody and that he is dealing with Allah's property, not with his personal property. He will have to answer for the abuse he commits on this Sacred Amaanat. If husbands always meditate on this dimension of the Nikah, i.e. they are dealing with Allah's Property, Insha'Allah, much of the unhappiness will be prevented.
An important and a very beneficial consequence of the husband's toleration due to his understanding that he has Allah's Property with him, is that Allah Ta'ala will bestow the wife with taufeeq to correctly discharge her obligations and fulfil the rights of the husband. The bottom line for a successful marriage and happiness is the Shariah and the Sunnah.