I have sinned. I ate at a restaurant, went for a walk without a mask, and might have killed a few grandmas. What must I do to obtain the forgiveness of Saint Fauci (Peace be upon him)?
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For every bite of unholy communion you partook of, flagellate with a cat of nine masks 5 times. For every step you took on your walk, wear another layer of masks. For every grandmother you believe you may have killed, wear the layers of masks for an hour.
Above all else, praise Saint Fauci (peace be upon him) and pray that he will forgive you. Confess your sins in a glorious, righteous, socially distanced, plexiglass booth to the Arch Cardinal designated to your parish. Only then may you return to the path of salvation.
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There is no forgiveness in the ChurchofCOVID. You may now only find redemption by locking yourself in a small apartment until you commit suicide
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As atonement, you may participate in one Zoom Thanksgiving dinner. After you have successfully numbed your desire for any social interaction, you may bake one loaf of sourdough bread, after which you must immediately bathe in hand sanitizer, and then you must fasten yourself to the couch for 12 hours of Netflix binging.
Imagine if you will, a virus so deadly that you have to be tested to know if you have it
So until you don't know you have it, you're okay. But when you find out you have it, you get ill.
Just like an acne vulgaris (spot) or a laceration (cut). You don't know you have it, but when you know you have it, all of a sudden you can feel the stinging sensation or see the spot from a mile away.
Even the lab rats are on strike! Same demands are not being met.
They probably held mass protests in the sewer but as you know, when the humans protest (like they have been for the last year) it doesn't even get a glimpse on national media.
Think I'm kidding? Anyone able to name a location where there have been mass protests going on and coming protests?
Worldwide USA 🇺🇸 7.24 Rally for Freedom 3.0
WORLD WIDE RALLY
FOR FREEDOM 3.0
JULY 24TH, 2021
This cannot be undone and I am sure it will be greatly appreciated.
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