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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 10:54

I've posted this in the light side as something came up yesterday and led to many other questions and the answers can be odd.

There is a funny side to this yet a very serious side!

What do I mean by mixed marriages?

Well, lets take me as an example.

(I can see a lot of profiling taking place, but who cares)

I married a Sunni Mulsim who didn't have a clue what the differences between Deobandi and Barelwi was. I eventually worked out that the family was Barelwi leaning. Alhumdulillah, the family has since moved away from many of the absurd beliefs. So now my wife understands the major and minor issues between the two schools. (On a side note, I too was brought up in a Barelwi family but now no longer have Barelwi beliefs, Alhumdulillah)

As time went by, many things were rectified Alhumdulillah.

But here is another Dilema - What happens when the couple are from different schools of thought?

For example, if the Wife is Hanafi and the Husband is Shafi'. How will they work together, because in the Shafi' Madhab, the wudhu breaks if the husband even touched his wife. Can you imagine the consequences.......

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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 10:59

abu mohammed wrote:

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There are no issues because this has been the standard practise in the Ummah for 1300+ years, nobody checked Madhabs before getting married and people looked for Sunnah and Taqwa.

The over-emphasis started with Transoxnian Hanafees who went over-board and some Deobandees have hangover from that era (still). Their over-zealousness is discussed by Shaykh Abdul-Aziz Dehalwi (RA), check his Fatwa on praying behind a Shaf'ae Imam where he specifically mentions and lambasts them.

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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 11:07

Jazakallah, good stuff.

I think the issues also arise when the two families meet and have major differences.

Imagine a Salafi/Barelwi Marriage. That would be hysterical and these things happen. The Marriage ends up really messed up.

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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 11:36

abu mohammed wrote:

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Not really. Marriage is not an online forum and people can and do live with each other. I know tons of Sufi women married to Salafees and Salafee women married to Sufi men and their marriage is happy and successful.

This was my first argument on SF with Mufti Hussain Kadodia (HA) where he tried to discourage a Shaf'ae Sisters from SA marrying a Hanafi man in SA.

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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 11:44

Alhumdulillah, that's great. May Allah keep their marriages safe and Halal.

Oh well, lets hope that those who don't know, find out that they can be compatible.

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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 11:48

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You go into a marriage knowing about the other person. It is EXTREMELY COMMON in America for spouses to be different and it is also common in Europe. UK is a hot-bed of sectarianism and even within UK you will find this almost impossible in Birmingham.

As I said in the normal scheme of things Madhabs isn't even an issue but Sufi/Salafi (yes I agree) that people should be careful but Deobandees with Barelwee or Salafi women isn't a biggy.

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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 11:49

We've had a hanafi/Salafi marriage in the family, back then nobody knew any different, but things came to light pretty soon when the Salafi family continually trying to change the beliefs of the hanafi side of the family.

Just remember a lot of heated arguments at get togethers, which did effect the marriage....for the sake of the marriage a segregation between the two families had to take place, . and if either party ever met, religion was never mentioned, the initial arguments caused irreparable permanent damage between the relationship of both sides.

Anyway 4 children were conceived through this marriage, all four children were sent to hanafi madressas as there was no option in the area at that time....now as adults, two are hanafi, two are Salafi, two of the Salafi's got married to hanafi girls.

I've noticed the girls tend to follow the mother's beliefs, and boys tend to accept and follow the beliefs of the father....although i believe the mother always plays a bigger role and is more influential in the upbringing of children. Allahuallam

But then again you could have the same madhab, understanding, background, language etc, etc, and still experience difficulties from either one or both sides of the family.

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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 11:56

Taalibah wrote:

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Aapa,

20-30 years ago people looked for good people with Sunnah and Adab and married their daughters, there was no sectarian'ism. And a person should know whom they are marrying.

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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 11:56

Very strange in this day and age for a salafi to marry a barelwi. There would be a massive Aqeedah issues.

Man, I don't even want to think of the consequences.

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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 11:56

I've heard that if both people are from different madhabs, then the wife will automatically take the husbands madhab.

Can anyone confirm this ?

Walahu'Alam

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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 11:58

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Why?

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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 11:59

Can someone list a bunch of practical problems which would prevent a Shaf'ae from marrying a Hanafi or vice-versa?

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#13 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 12:01

Quote:

I know tons of Sufi women married to Salafees and Salafee women married to Sufi men and their marriage is happy and successful

Alhamdulillah. But that really is quite surprising to me to be honest. Salafi's I have come across all my days are incapable of even talking about kittens without attacking a scholar or asking where Allah is.

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#14 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 12:03

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There is always a difference between street trash and those whose parents have taught them manners.

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#15 [Permalink] Posted on 7th March 2014 12:06

Muadh_Khan wrote:

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No issues, just tricky situations. Like touching and the breaking of Wudhu of the Shafi'.
Rules of travelling where both partners are different musaafirs!
etc etc

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