Marital Humour

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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 27th April 2013 11:10

Mugheerah Ibn Shu'bah رضي الله عنه narrates:

Nobody ever defeated me, except a youth from the tribe of Banu Harith Ibn Ka'b. I happened to propose to a young woman from the Banu Harith tribe and the youth was present when I arrived.

He secretly mentioned to me, "Ameer, she is not a righteous woman."

"What is wrong with her?" I enquired.

"I noticed a man kissing her," he explained.

Based on this advice, I abandoned my intention to marry her, only to later learn that the youth had married her. I confronted him and asked, "Did you not warn me that you saw a man kissing her?"

"Yes, it was her father!" he remarked.

[al-'Iqd al-Fareed, vol. 7. p. 99; Humorous Anecdotes, From The The Lighter Side of Islamic History, vol. 1]

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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 27th April 2013 11:19

A very sweet anecdote! JazakAllah for sharing.

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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 29th April 2013 10:38

A man from the tribe of Banu Nawfal Ibn 'Abd Manaaf married a second wife who was fair and pretty. Umm Mahjan, his first wife, who was dark in complexion, was upset when she heard the news. Jelousy and disappointment drove her to confront her husband, but he explained,

"By Allaah, Umm Mahjan, there is no need to jealously guard me anymore. I am an old man. You too are old and there is no need for me to be jealous over you. Nobody can be more honoured in my sight than you; neither does anybody enjoy a greater right over me than you. I, therefore, advise you to accept my decision and avoid bad thoughts from taking hold of you."

These words pleased her and she felt comfortable. A few days later, he said to her, "Wouldn't you like to live together with my new wife? I think it would create harmony between us. Further, it will be a means of systematic organisation within our home and it will prevent outsiders from making nasty remarks against us."

She agreed and he gave her a dinar, saying "I dislike your co-wife seeking superiority over you simply because she sees you enjoying some speciality. Take this and prepare some special gift which you can give to her tomorrow when we meet."

He then approached his new wife and said, "I intend to unite you with Umm Mahjan tomorrow. She wants to honour you and I dislike her making any attempt to be superior than you simply because you enjoy some speciality. Take this dinar and purchase for her a gift so that she does not regard you scepticism. But do not mention anything to her about the dinar."

He then approached a trusted friend and sought his assistance, "I have arranged for my new wife to meet with Umm Mahjan tomorrow. I would like you to visit us at breakfast, at which time I will insist that you join us. When we are done with the meal, you should ask me which wife I hold dearer. I will express my displeasure at the question, following which you should insist upon oath that I answer you."

The next morning, his new wife visited Umm Mahjan and his friend came around as agreed. After they had eaten, his friend turned to him and asked, "Which of your two wives do you love more?"

He replied, "Subhanallah! Do you dare ask a question of this nature while both my wives are listening to our discussion. This is a grave question indeed."

But when his friend insisted on an answer, he declared, "I love that wife who was given one dinar. I will not utter a word more than this."

Each of the two wives chuckled in pleasure, thinking that she was the one alluded to.

[Kitab al-Adhkiya, p. 108; Humorous Anecdotes]

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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 29th April 2013 15:24

Sorry, but I couldn't resist re posting this one from the fools and foolish stories thread.

abu mohammed wrote:

A man married a woman who was short in size. The people questioned, "what have you done? So he replied "A woman is evil, the less the evil the better"

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Actions are judged by intentions, so each man will have what he intended.
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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 29th April 2013 15:42

A scholar who was once delivering a sermon mentioned: "When a person intends giving sadaqah, seventy shayateen prevent him from doing so by clamping down on his hands, feet and heart."

A devotee from amongst the gathering heard these words and proclaimed: "Today, I will fight and overpower these seventy shayateen."

With determination and resolve, he left the masjid and returned home, where he bagan to fill a bag with wheat. As he was about to distribute it as sadaqah, his wife realised his intention and caught hold of him. She began to convince him to abandon the idea, but he refused. A quarrel ensued between them and she eventually succeeded in snatching the bag from his hands. The man returned to the masjid, dejected and defeated.

As he entered, the scholar asked, "What happened?"

He replied, "I defeated the seventy shayateen quite easily, but their mother arrived on the scene and defeated me!" [Tafseer ar-Razi, vol. 1 p 101; Jawahir Pare, vol. 1, p 142]

While the concluding statement of the husband should not be taken too seriously, the incident is typical of many a home where conflict is the order of the day. To be successful in any good venture, both the husband and wife are required to strive in unity and harmony. When either of them is overpowered by falst intentions they become a stumbling block to progress. [Pearls from the Path, volume 3]

http://www.muftisays.com/forums/77-taqleed--the-straight-path/6619-marital-harmony.html

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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 29th April 2013 15:43

A pious man was burdened with a particularly foul mouthed wife who caused him a great deal of hardship. Her conduct was so wretched that many in the community came to know about her evil manners.

Eventually, some of them decided to advise the pious man, "Why do you tolerate such a woman? She needs to be given a divorce."

He explained, "I know that I have the choice of divorcing her. However, one of two scenarios could occur if I divorce her. If another man does not marry her, she will be in a difficult situation, and if she does remarry, another man will be compelled to endure her evil. For this reason, I am happy to continue living with her evil ways and be a means of protection for others. Why should others suffer if I can prevent it?" [Jawahir Pare, vol 1, p 31; Hazrat Thanwi Ke Pasandida Waqi'at, p 110]

The quality of saving others from harm is a noble trait worthy of emulation. [Pearls from the Path]

http://www.muftisays.com/forums/77-taqleed--the-straight-path/7084-bearing-the-burden-of-others.html

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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 30th April 2013 10:43

Abdullah came home after Esha and started going through his papers. Finally, he found the Nikah certificate sat down and started looked at it. Aisha asked, "What are you looking for?"

Abdullah, "The Expiration date!"

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