I want to move over to the light side of things. Taken from Shaykh Ahmed Alis book of fools.
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Although funny, we pray to Allah that he gives us the ability to read these stories and realise from them, the value of intellect and appreciate and thank Allah for his great blessing.
Once someone stole the door of Abu Salim's house. He in turn stole the door of the Masjid. "What are you doing?" the people asked. He replied "The owner of this door knows who stole my door."
Ali bin Muaaz relates that I wrote a letter to Abu Muhammad. He replied to this address "This letter is to the one who wrote to me".
Once some people came to him regarding a wall and asked him, "for how long have you known this wall?" He replied, "I have known it since it was this small and belonged to so and so".
Abu Zaid relates that Mazeed was informed about the death of a grave digger. Mazeed commented, "The one who digs a hole for somebody else, will eventually fall in it himself".
Muhammad bin Kahalaf relates that a groupf people complained to a Muazzin as they could not hear his voice, and simply instructed him to amplify it somewhat louder. He replied, "I dont hear my voice from a mile".
Shuraih bin Yazeed relates that Saeed bin Sinan was a pious old man and the Muazzin of the Central Mosque of Himz. When he woke the People for Sheri during Ramadhan, he would announce, "O People prepare your pots and quickly eat your food before I give the Adhan and Allah turns your face black and you burn".
Asmaee relates a bedouin went for Hajj and entered Makkah before the people. Holding onto the cloth of the Ka'ba, he said "O Allah! Quickly forgive me before there is a rush".
An Imam was reciting Surah Nuh in Salaah. He recited the verse tha translates, We have sent Nuh to his people. He forgot what came next, so he kept reciting the same words. A frustrated bedouin from behind exclaimed, "If Nuh is not going then send someone else. Why have you put us in difficulty?"
Once a fools donkey was sick and he vowed that if it gets better, he would fast for ten days. The donkey became well so he fasted for ten days. The day he had completed the 10th fast, the donkey died. This did indeed anger the fool and led him to say the following, "Oh Allah, you have played a joke with me, wait until Ramadhan arrives and i'll show you".
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Yahya ibn Ma'in (may Allah be pleased with them) once went into a certain masjid to offer their Salah. After the Salah, a preacher began narrating hadiths attributed to these two Imams during his lecture. At the termination of his lecture, Yahya ibn Ma'in signalled the preacher with his hand to come over to them. Under the false impression that he was being summoned to be rewarded, he came over to them. Yahya asked, "Who narrated these hadiths to you?" Once again, he mentioned their names. This ignorant fool did not even know who he was talking to. Since these two personalities were very famous in the world of hadith, he had simply made use of their good names.
Yahya said, "I am Yahya ibn Ma'in and this is Ahmad ibn Hanbal. We did not narrate these hadiths to you nor have we ourselves heard them (from someone else). The preacher then asked, "So you are Yahya ibn Ma'in?"
"Surely that is me," replied Yahya. Upon this, he commented, "I always heard that Yahya ibn Ma'in is a stupid fool but today this hearsay has been confirmed."
"How is this confirmation possible?" asked Yahya. The preacher replied,
"How can you be under the impression that the names 'Yahya ibn Ma'in and 'Ahmad ibn Hanbal' refer only to you two? I have heard hadiths from seventeen people by the names Yahya ibn Ma'in and Ahmad ibn Hanbal." While this
was taking place, Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal covered his face out of grief while the lecturer brushed the whole incident off as a joke and vanished.
A bedouin called Mujrim (criminal/sinner) came and stood in the first saf behind the Imam who was reciting Surah Mursalaat in Salah. When The Imam recited the verse"Did we not destroy the first" the bedouin went into the last saf. The Imam then recited "Then we shall destroy later ones". The bedouin then moved on and joined the middle saf. Finaly the Imam recited "This is how we deal with the Mijrims(sinners/criminals)". The bedouin left the Salah thinking that the Imam was after him.
A bedouin joined the Imam for Fajar Salah. He had an appointment after the prayer but the Imam decided to recite Surah Baqarah (The Cow). As a result of the length of this Surah, the bedouin was delayed and missed his appointment. The naxt dayhe arrived early and joined the Imam again, who this time began to recite Surah Feel (The Elephant). Completely angry, the bedouin broke his Salah and left the moqsue, shouting "Yesterday you read The Cow and finished the whole Surah and today you are reciting The Elephant, you will probably finish at midnight".
Muhammad bin Qasim relates that a fool came to Basrah to visit a man who was at the point of his death. Instead of telling him to recite the Kalimah in an ordinary manner, he stragely said "You can read it with a zabar, zayr, and pesh. bothth ways are correct according to Imam Seeb Wai". Muhammad bin Qasim explaining this lucrative act, asked "Have you ever seen a fool teaching a man who is on the point of his death, different opinions of the Imams of the Nahw?" (nahw is the science that deals with the last letter of an Arabic word should have on it).
Ibn Khalf relates that there was a story teller in Madinah, and that used to tell every one that when Abu Huraira saw his daughter wearing a ring of gold, he told her to take it off informing her that it was fire. Explaining this, he took his hand out of his pocket and we realized that he has a gold ring on his finger. The people asked, "You are stopping us yet you are wearing it your self?" He replied "I am not the daughter of Abu Huraira".
Abdur Rahman bin Hanafee relates that the story teller Abu Ka'b related the name of the wolf, which ate Prophet Yusuf (AS), was so and so. The people, astonished by such a statement argued the the wolf didnt eat him. He replied "Then it must be the name of the wolf that didn't eat him".
Muhammed bin Khalf relates that he passed by a door of a governor on which he saw a teacher had positioned himself behind a curtain and was barking like a dog. Meanwhile, a boy came form behind another curtain and the teacher firmly grabbed him. I asked what was going on. He replied "This child does not like to read and when he goes home he never returns. The reason for this absence and truancy is that he has a dog with which he spends a vast majority of his time. I was impersonating his dog so that when he mistakes me for his dog and approaches, I can then take hold of him".
This cannot be undone and I am sure it will be greatly appreciated.
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