Upbringing of Children in the West and Co Education

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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 1st March 2015 20:52

Salam

Something that I've been thinking about lately, and I've come to the conclusion that if you live in the West then you certainly can't send your child to a state secondary school. The environment is just so messed up these days I don't know where to start from.

Also another thing is we live in a sexual society today, society promotes 'fahshaa', it promotes having a boy/girl friend and if you don't then youre weird and out of touch with society.

Issues are not limited to these, so maybe we can have a discussion on this as it is a very important topic.

Thoughts ??

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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 1st March 2015 21:19

Unfortunately Islamic schools haven't been too promising either. Although they don't have these haram activities going on, the behaviour, attitude of some teachers (very few) is not good at all.

I personally experienced a nightmare at a girl's Islamic school and eventually took my daughter out.

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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 1st March 2015 21:25

abu mohammed wrote:

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Are you self teaching her at home then ? In london not many as compared to the northerners but we do have a few options available.

However look at the trojan scandal in Birmingham, year ago school comes top year later its bottom and all these garbage allegations come out.

So it is a tricky one. Question is whats the alternative ?

In my opinion state secondary schools for girls is a big NO.

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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 1st March 2015 21:27

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Currently it's a state school over populated with Muslims. Secondary school will be tuff, let's see when the time comes

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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 1st March 2015 21:32

abu mohammed wrote:

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Allah make it easy for you brother, with girls it is a tough one but just remember the ahadith about the one who raises his daughters properly and weds them off is guaranteed Jannah (gist of ahadith )

On a side note what do our Ulema say on this topic ??

Also itll be interesting to see what other brothers and sisters have to say on this topic.

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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 1st March 2015 23:07

salaam

tried two different islamic schools for my kids. it was a very bad experience for me, my wife, and my kids. eventually took them out and now home school them. it is time consuming and requires a level of dedication and discipline, but not as difficult as one may think.

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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 1st March 2015 23:13

Related reading on the same topic.

www.muftisays.com/forums/27-sharing-portal/5368-boycott-i...

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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 1st March 2015 23:23

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salaam

i cant understand how anyone can think that its okay to send our children to be educated by the non muslims. the prime ethos of the non muslims goes against the islamic ethos - and this is what our children are taught in schools.

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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 1st March 2015 23:27

abu mohammed wrote:

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scratch beneath the surface. its not difficult to find sugar-coated anti-islamic activities in islamic schools. some are worse than others.

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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 2nd March 2015 00:52

My kids have been through state school, boarding school, Islamic school. Even did home schooling for 3yrs. Unfortunatly worse attitude was in Islamic school lacking in manners, attitude, etiquettes and communication...whereas this was never an issue in state school. I was able to communicate and have my childrens needs met.

from experience I believe that the best teaching comes from home.

In state school exposure to other religions and beliefs has raised questions within my children which has given me an opportunity to teach them correctly and made them stronger in their understanding of Deen. They know right from wrong through experience. They have respect for other religions and race without discrimination, which is what is required when they are faced with challenges as adults in dealing with all types of people in the community regardless of gender.

We cannot protect our children from outside influences, but we can teach them to how to protect themselves from them, because once they reach teens and adulthood they will be exposed to all types of influences and they will not be prepared or know how to manage or protect themselves, because a time will come when they will be making their own decisions and as parents we will not be in a position to shadow them or make decisions for them. Apologies, but this is the harsh reality of it.

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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 2nd March 2015 11:00

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salaam

this is one of the biggest problems i had with islamic schools.

they will tell you to approach the school with any issues you may have, but instead of listening to your concerns they go on the offensive and take any constructive criticism as an attack. unless you come from the right family or connected to the right shaikhs/ulama then you are expected to shut up and keep your head down.

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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 5th March 2015 20:18

In my view, self schooling only works for a certain time.

I see many drawbacks with this method and one of the major ones for me would be that the child becomes 'socially awkward' and all sense of self confidence is ruined, as there is minimal contact with children of other ages.

Another drawback is how long can you keep our child safe from external influences and how far can you go with it, the pattern that I have usually seen over the years is the child becomes depraved and feels left out and out of the norm compared to other children, their childhood will make his/her's seem different, something the child will question sooner or later and then comes the hard stage which ends up lasting for a long time, the 'rebel' stage. So when you tell the child to not do something, they'll either find ways to start doing it undercover or they'll start answering back etc and 'say its my life' blah blah.

This is just my opinion and I could be wrong, just an observation.

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#13 [Permalink] Posted on 5th March 2015 20:30

xs11ax wrote:

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Wasalam

I agree with you my brother, but I believe with boys you can get away with it for a certain time, but with girls it becomes a bit tricky.

Secondary schools for our girls today are a big no go. There are so many things to be concerned with, you've got the recent paedophile gangs who have been exposed up north, sends shivers down your spine really and also makes you sick to the core. However it should make parents more on their guard.

Then you have the problems of schools itself, bullying, intimidation, kids not being open as to what is really happening in school, heard of story of a girl who got bullied by guys in school on complaining to the teacher at school, teacher says enjoy it whilst it lasts this is your age and turned a blind eye to it.

Then comes the problem of ethos etc, today our kids are being taught concepts of 'creationism' and evolution and more topics and its no more limited to the big bang and homo-sapiens.

Biggest problem is environment. Environment promotes fahshaa, your a virgin by 15 then you must be a weirdo, you don't have a bf/gf then you must be a weirdo, society teaches and promotes casual sex as long its safe meaning protection is used, really ? Casual sex/masterbuation is promoted as stress relief factors, all these things are being taught in our schools today.

I have relatives who have moved back from the States, rumour has it they start teaching young girls in schools about sex toys and what not. Apologies for the bluntness in this topic.

This is all happening as we speak and with time it will only get a lot worser. I remember my Uni days and you know what the first thing most scarved self taught schooled at home girls did once reaching uni/from conservative families ? They took of their scarves and they went clubbing.

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#14 [Permalink] Posted on 6th March 2015 08:43

Very interesting topic brothers. It is very tough being parents and deciding schooling. In my local area there is at least one pretty half decent islamic school for girls. Although the environment is scary outside the school seems ok. My children are small and only one has started school. I am monitoring him closely and so far he seems to be ok. I am happy with his madrasah as well. He also goes to a young scholar once a week for an hour of tuition who I found very effective in terms of tarbiyah and teaching even for 1 hour. He will inshallah start karate classes soon and me and my wife do some maths and english work using the collins syllabus as well as islamic studies with him whenever we get time. My wife does it more than me. I am a firm believer that kids between 11-18 should not go to co-ed schools and should attend muslim schools. My plan for my sons is as follows; make him start hifz as soon as possible inshallah and also try and find some good scholars for him to study with etc. With regards to tarbiyah I think the best way is to try many avenues weather it is tabligh, taking him to lectures, umrah if possible, visiting islamic countries and witnessing poverty etc. One should try and utilize each and every means possible. Daily dua for our children is a must as we cannot guide but ALLAH guides.

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#15 [Permalink] Posted on 6th March 2015 08:50

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I'm not a huge fan of sending young kids to daruloom for boarding. I don't think it is the solution though to be fair in terms of tarbiyah shaykh saleem dhorat's daruloom is very good but the child has to be over 16. One thing for sure is that shaykh saleem teaches his students adab, respect and piety. So boarding over 16 would be ok depending on the child. It would be great if people could share their ideas. Personally having seen a lot outside we cannot ever protect our children from the environment outside. We have to make them so strong that they can withstand it. This is however very difficult for children from the age of 11-18 where they usually follow the crowd.

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Upbringing of Children in the West and Co Education

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