Parent�s rights and limits to obeying them

Unspecified

1,011

Brother

881

#1 [Permalink] Posted on 11th June 2014 12:37

The first post would be this which is a very balanced perspective www.scribd.com/doc/225377949/Ta-dil-al-Huquq-al-Walidayn-....

report post quote code quick quote reply

+2 -0Informative x 2

london786

Unspecified

1,011

Brother

881

#2 [Permalink] Posted on 11th June 2014 12:53

The reason why this issue needs to be revisited is that many people in obeying their parents go to an extreme. We often hear of the issue of obedience to parents in lectures but hardly anything is mentioned about the rights of children. I will mention some common issues in our culture

1. Forced marriage. If we like it or not this is a common issue. Parents many times force their children to marry an individual. In many cases that I know a pious individual/girl has been forced to marry a non-religious partner who in many cases is a cousin. Many times children are forced to marry a relative from their parent's homeland when there is a huge cultural and language barrier. This causes many issues which are lifetime issues.
2. Parent's forcing their children to live with them and considering it disrespectful to have their own space. This is a huge cultural issue with many negative effects. Maulana Thanvi rh has tackled this issue in the above mentioned link.
3. Many people who are pious or cultural are excessive in their reverence for parents that it tramples on the rights of children and wife.
4. Many parents stop their children from beneficial deeni activities. So let us take for example tablighi jamaat. This then effects the children in a very adverse way.
5. Some parents oppress their children through taking their wealth or believing that they have a total right to the wealth when this is not the case.
6. Some parents go to the extent of encouraging divorce or forcing divorce. This is mostly unjustified.
7. Some cultures severely oppress the daughter in law. According to many ulema in most mother in law/daughter in law conflicts the mother in law is more at fault.

What does one think????

report post quote code quick quote reply

+2 -0Like x 2

london786

Unspecified

1,011

Brother

881

#3 [Permalink] Posted on 11th June 2014 13:04

Some parents expect the daughter in law to cook for them, clean for them, serve them etc. So far from a shariah perspective I have not come across proof that obliges her to do this. I used to know a drug addict. Me and some friends encouraged him to go jaamaat. Initially his mother was very supportive. After 20 days or so she insisted on her son coming back as she felt the changes were sufficient i.e. he had left drugs etc. Me and another friend were however of the opinion that he needed to do more time i.e. a couple of 40 days or even 4 months so he can completely detox his system and stay more in a better environment. Anyway he relented to pressure from his mother and went back to his old habits after some time. The same is true for parents stopping their children from tablighi jamaat. I used to hear lame excuses from parents like it will effect their studies when in fact it was vacation time. Now somebody could argue that the work of tablighi jamaat is not fardh but how many people can stay on the straight and narrow without it?

report post quote code quick quote reply

+2 -0Like x 2

london786

Unspecified

2,891

Brother

279

#4 [Permalink] Posted on 11th June 2014 14:34

Salam

I agree with you bro London and Maulana TJ actually touched on these issues when he visited London a few months ago, especially in regards to the rights of daughter in laws. Recently Mufti Abdur Rahman Mnaghera has done a clip on it too on allowing the mrs to visit her family etc.

However, on the other side how many of us can honestly say that we have fulfilled the rights of our parents ? I certainly can't and that's for sure.

In regards to parents stopping their children from attending Islamic activities, I don't know what to say brother to be honest because when the same guy wants to go to Ibiza or the other top fitnah destinations for a rave with his boys then its no problem or even a lads holiday , but when it comes to Deen then he has to ask his parents for permission and see what they say. This is nothing but hypocrisy and stupidity where the guy's heart is not in it in the first place.

Children can refuse to listen to their parents if what they say goes against Deen. I don't really think parents are the problem but the children themselves. This is not India or Bangladesh where if you don't listen you'll get a beating by being tied upside down.

Just some of my thoughts...

report post quote code quick quote reply

+2 -0Winner x 2

Jinn

Unspecified

2,891

Brother

279

#5 [Permalink] Posted on 11th June 2014 14:39

london786 wrote:

View original post

Their biggest fear is that their younger one might end up becoming a maulvi

Hilarious I know, I actually know a few people myself who have experienced this.

report post quote code quick quote reply

+2 -0Like x 2

Jinn

Unspecified

1,011

Brother

881

#6 [Permalink] Posted on 11th June 2014 14:53

Jinn wrote:

View original post

Agree with you jinn. I remember the maulana tariq jamil saab bayan as well. It was broadcast on the muslim deobandi TV channel as well. There are issues from both sides but in most cases I would blame the parents. The children are a direct result in most cases of parent's actions (me being a parent myself). How many have made the TV/ipad etc the babysitter of the child. We have Islamic schools but parents would rather spend money on holidays rather than spending some money on an Islamic school. Recently I was telling some boy that he should study the part time alim course. He told me his father was going to take him out of madrasah as it's too expensive. The madrasah charges a couple of hundred per year. The same father can buy a nice car, go on 5 star holidays but not spend a few hundred on Islamic education. A lot of parents say we want our children to be religious but not too religious. Just enough religious that they obey us in marriage orders etc but not too religious that they grow beard etc. Most parents primary concern is money. Son has to have a good job but salah etc little concern. I guess this is not restricted to parents alone. Khair I will start a post on parenting. We can share tips inshallah. But jinn for sure you have no excuse having met your father....mashallah looks like a pathan.

report post quote code quick quote reply

+2 -0Like x 1Winner x 1

london786

11,704

Brother

289

#7 [Permalink] Posted on 11th June 2014 15:03

london786 wrote:

View original post

I would have to slightly disagree with you. I deal with Parents and Children (as you know) and a lot of times things are not what they seem.

They have problems in relationships, finances, stress factors which are considered Taboo in our society. For example I once dealt with a family with domestic abuse etc and do you know what the issue was? Here it is:

Husband: I want to hold her while I sleep

Wife: I need to feed the baby because the baby keeps crying!

18-24 months of talks, meetings at the Masjid and nobody actually was able to get this out of both of them. Today they (husband/wife) are happy and kids are fine etc...

NOBODY thought about the issue they just kept advising them...You shouldn’t talk back to the husband, you should spend more time at home etc etc etc.

A large number of problems amongst Muslims are physical needs which are neither being addressed nor discussed. The manifestation is violence, abuse, neglect, Bollywood/Hollywood, Music etc.

Bearded men (jubbah etc) are sleeping around, committing Zina watching movies on their tablets and then appearing in the first Saff of the Masjid for Salah and attending Majalis and Bayans

report post quote code quick quote reply

No post ratings

There is no Plan B!

http://www.central-mosque.com/

Unspecified

2,891

Brother

279

#8 [Permalink] Posted on 11th June 2014 15:05

london786 wrote:

View original post

I agree with you akhii, as the initial tarbiyyah is always down to the parents especially the mother as the father is mostly out trying to earn a living and put bread on the table. However later on for the kids I say it becomes a individual choice of whether they want to go down this route or not.

I guess it's about getting the priorities right from the start. Good idea make a thread where we can share parenting tips and learn from older experienced parents.

In my experience when it comes to Salah, the arabs are the best, I've seen that they have a no nonsense policy when it comes to Salah. I know someone who's parents threatened to him throw him out if he wasn't punctual in his Salah and his father also told him I also don't care about your education, but miss your salah and you can find another home for yourself, the brother mentions this enabled him to get into the habit of Salaah from a young age.

report post quote code quick quote reply

No post ratings

Jinn

11,704

Brother

289

#9 [Permalink] Posted on 11th June 2014 15:09

The big problem in the West is confusion. We are NO LONGER Gujarti and YET we cannot be English and we are under the Radar in society to act in a way which is in contradiction to our beliefs.

We listen to a Bayan in Masjid Quba about Homosexuality and then we go to Uni the next door and see John or Leslie who are Homosexuals and we can't say nothing! In fact we don't know how to react

We grow and we are bombarded with certain habits but we are expected to behave differently when we marry

We live around and we are bombarded with images and then we have Fatwaas prohibiting/discouraging our wives from wearing trainers or heels etc (just an example) so the issue is confusion.

Bad Parenting is merely a manifestation of problems (in our lives) those with a strong will take it in their stride and cope while others (majority) fall apart.

report post quote code quick quote reply

+3 -0Like x 2Winner x 1

There is no Plan B!

http://www.central-mosque.com/

Parent�s rights and limits to obeying them

Font Size

Font Weight