How to Educate Your Children?

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#76 [Permalink] Posted on 8th January 2019 09:50

So far I have understood this from this thread that I have to educate my kids at home from whatever resources I have got in terms of deen. In terms of dunia they can go in normal schools. Jazak Allah for everybody's contribution.

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#77 [Permalink] Posted on 8th January 2019 10:06

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You deserve 1000 rewards for it,but these days I am poor :-)

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#78 [Permalink] Posted on 8th January 2019 10:58

السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

I have been home schooling my kids for quite a few years now. Initially I sent them to Islamic schools, but it had a negative affect on their tarbiyyah and confidence so I opted for home schooling. The problem with Islamic schools was from both the other students and teachers. It was mainly the teachers. The usual problems of bad manners and examples, unfairness, arrogance, bullying, abuse, etc.

Home schooling was not easy when they were younger. The subject matter was easy, but it was very time consuming. Now that they are older it is a lot easier. They mainly take care of it themselves. We have signed them up with tutors who monitor their work and progress.

It can be costly as well, but we have managed even though we are not a wealthy family. It all depends on what you value and what you want to spend your money on. We live simple. Eat simple. We don't spend money on wasteful things such as the latest phone, tv, car, eating out, etc. We spend our money on our kids tarbiyyah as we feel it's more important. Inshallah we will get nice things in the next world.

Alhamdulillah all my kids have their own talents which we are able to encourage and build on. Mashallah they are all intelligent and get very good grades. Home Schooling has not dumbed them down in anyway.

Only drawback is the social aspect. We try to get around that through regular activities with other home schooled kids. Activities include archery, horse riding, indoor climbing, boxing.

In terms of Deen we initially taught them at home and later tried sending them to a local private maktab. The behaviour of the other kids affected them and the ustad was a liar and a cheat - he would leave the older kids to teach the younger kids and go off in a different part of his house. So we took them out from there and taught them at home. They are doing good in this regard as well mashallah. I do constant taleem at home throughout the day as and when needed. Use YouTube videos. The kids proactively engage in taleem as well. Non of this is done in a constructive manner. It's all relaxed. Only issue is their quran recitation needs to be better. I am contemplating using an online quran tutor for this.

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#79 [Permalink] Posted on 8th January 2019 13:54

I don't know how maktabs are set up in other places, but in my cases when children start until they finish Quran (9,10) they are mostly only taught how to read Qur'an, and the focus is on completing Quran. Yes they may learn a few 'kalimas' ,duas and surahs. As each student is taught on an individual basis, this is very inefficient, as the students are there for about 2 and a half hours, whereas they only spend a little time with the ustad reading their lesson and getting their new lesson. Plus they have to read their lessons many times at home before goinf madrasah.

Early on I pulled my children out and started home madrasa, which is much more efficient, you get the same thing done in much less time. I also managed to get them to learn more surahs than in madrasah. I also don't make them read their sabak 10 times before listening them, as the way I look at it, by the time they finish the Quran, they should automatically be fluent, and from there its the same Quran they will insha Allah read over and over again, so why pressure them to read one page sabak 5 -10 times before listening them. They are also able to take part in extra curricular activities after school.

My daughter has now competed Qur'an and she has turned 9, so now I have to decide what I will teach her. Her friends in madrasah haven't completed Qur'an as yet. I am thinking of having her compete the memorization of the last few surahs of The 30th juz, along with the main focus being teaching her what Arabic language I learnt, as well as reading the English Quran together. I figure I would also have to start reading some seeraha and other books later on.
I am not too concerned with too much fiqh like behisti zewar, because honestly when you meet other Muslims from other communities, you realized you have only learnt one method of doing something, and the reality is that they are so many other different opinions out there. Of course she will have to learn the fiqh of what she needs to do as she gets older.

I learnt Quran as alif bey tay say, toy zoy etc. Alhamdulilah as an adult I was fortunate to learn tajweed from an excellent teacher, by going for class for 2 hours a week for 2 years. So I would say I am capable of teaching my children decent recitation.

Make dua Allah gives us the ability.

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#80 [Permalink] Posted on 8th January 2019 14:18

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A few things if I may :)

Quote:

I also don't make them read their sabak 10 times before listening them, as the way I look at it, by the time they finish the Quran, they should automatically be fluent, and from there its the same Quran they will insha Allah read over and over again, so why pressure them to read one page sabak 5 -10 times before listening them. They are also able to take part in extra curricular activities after school.

I kind of know what you mean about the repeats of reading a sabak, but there are a few advantages of this. For example, they pick up pace better yet maintain better quality of reciting, they are able to memorize parts of it making future reading easier and one of the most beautiful things is that by repeating their sabak 5 times, they are rewarded 5 times more per letter - so don't take that away from them.

So if Alif is ten rewards, multiply that by 5 or 10 depending how many times they go over it - Just imagine! SubhanAllah.

As I was reading your post, I was edging for the "Winner" rating, but this below stopped me from doing so and I settled for an "Aameen"

Quote:

I am not too concerned with too much fiqh like behisti zewar, because honestly when you meet other Muslims from other communities, you realized you have only learnt one method of doing something, and the reality is that they are so many other different opinions out there. Of course she will have to learn the fiqh of what she needs to do as she gets older.

Fair enough, she will find many other opinions, but show her or guide her to the Salaf and teach them to appreciate other opinions, and don't make the mistake of telling them that they can go for other opinions if that suits them as per their needs (Although I'm not suggesting that this is what you are doing or that they will do this)

God forbid one day a friend of theirs gets stuck in a situation of Talaq, the education we/they receive can ensure that the correct decisions are taken and not one that suits another opinion and then they continue to live a life of a Zaani.

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#81 [Permalink] Posted on 8th January 2019 14:36

Yes you are correct the rewards are there, but when in a class we don't say lets sit and do dhikr or read quran for rewards, rather we focus on the lesson and the aim of the class and the task at hand and we still get a reward.

Yes we should at least learn one correct way of doing an action, and that detailed fiqh can come later insha Allah when furthering studies. I was speaking in relation to the madrasa system where arabic language is not taught and the translation/explanation of the Quran or duas is ignored, and the more focus is given to going through behisti zewar. I was referring to what i consider to be priorities in the entire scheme of things.

My thinking is right now is to teach the basics of what is needed to carry out necessary actions, and focus the education on other areas as mentioned.

I was speaking from the perspective that priority is given to learn all of these rulings in detail (which is important as well) and you see things being done one way, and go out thinking this is it we know it all, and when you go to a different masjid in a different locality you get a 'culture shock' and then you realize you only learnt one way or one madhab and its not the absolute truth, rather it is an opinion of one correct way of carrying out certain actions. Yes as they get older they will learn these details , hopefully with proper explanations. I am not saying the madrasah should abandon teaching behisti zewar for e.g, as for some children this may all they learn and they may not learn anything or be interested in learning anything after the age of 14 when they leave madrasah.

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#82 [Permalink] Posted on 8th January 2019 15:19

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God forbid one day a friend of theirs gets stuck in a situation of Talaq, the education we/they receive can ensure that the correct decisions are taken and not one that suits another opinion and then they continue to live a life of a Zaani.

Remeber I was speaking of what the focus will be now at 9 years old. Also how many people actually remember all the rulings they learnt in madrasah when they get older? They learnt these things at 14 and when they come across a situation at 28 chances are they arent going to remember what they learnt or perhaps they never understood it in the first place, so more than likely they will turn to their Mufti, or do what they feel like.

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#83 [Permalink] Posted on 8th January 2019 15:26

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You deserve 1000 rewards for it,but these days I am poor :-)

I have noticed that you have got sakhi as well. I guess, you are trying to get rid of rep dopamine. ;)

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#84 [Permalink] Posted on 8th January 2019 15:27

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This is why there is a thing called taqrar (Revision).

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#85 [Permalink] Posted on 8th January 2019 15:33

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Well perhaps we live in different worlds, as only a select few would fall under this category of people. Reality of what I see is what I mentioned. The other common scenario is people become more religious later in life, but then they also don't remember of act solely on madrasah teachings, they still learn from other mediums such as lecturers, internet, their Imam, Mufti etc. When a women has an issue regarding menses, she may have learnt it in madrasah but she still asks the local Alimaa for clarification.

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#86 [Permalink] Posted on 8th January 2019 15:52

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Seeking knowledge continues till death. Even university grads have to consult experts of their respective fields.

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#87 [Permalink] Posted on 9th January 2019 06:39

Sorry!! I repeat again, there is no alternative to sending children to maktab. Whatever the child gets in 1 hour in his/her stay at maktab cannot be achieved through house tuition. May be child may move faster with efficient time spend on teaching at house. But no alternative to maktab.

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#88 [Permalink] Posted on 9th January 2019 07:02

Quote:

I was speaking from the perspective that priority is given to learn all of these rulings in detail (which is important as well) and you see things being done one way, and go out thinking this is it we know it all, and when you go to a different masjid in a different locality you get a 'culture shock' and then you realize you only learnt one way or one madhab and its not the absolute truth, rather it is an opinion of one correct way of carrying out certain actions. Yes as they get older they will learn these details , hopefully with proper explanations. I am not saying the madrasah should abandon teaching behisti zewar for e.g, as for some children this may all they learn and they may not learn anything or be interested in learning anything after the age of 14 when they leave madrasah.

I don't know how our friend is going to handle this, a young child will conclude on the best opinion.
By the way what about; if the child visits a la-madhabi masjid and watches different ways of offering salah. Each musallee differs from other musallee. More confusion. for example, placing hands on chest in different ways, placing hands on chest after ruku, twarruk in tashahhud, rakat when joined in ruku, falling on hands while going to sajdah, offering/not offering sunnah rakats after fardh..... the list is big. This masjid was created to follow the best opinion.

In our young days, our mother used to say, "charoen imam haq hain, tum apne imam ke peechhe chalo" "all 4 imams are right, follow any one of them." There ended the matter. My mother didn't even know tajweed.

So we are creating chaos with out offering solutions for the chaos.

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#89 [Permalink] Posted on 9th January 2019 09:34

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By your reasoning there was chaos in the time of the sahaba رضي الله عنه when there wasn't just 4 madhabs, but many madhabs. And there should be chaos in the haramain where Muslims of many different opinions unite together to praise Allah. But all I have heard about the haramain is the beauty of brotherhood and unity amongst those who gather there. No chaos, but the actual opposite.

When my kids were growing up I used to point out different people of different colour and cultures. Instead of trying to hide their differences and say we are all the same, I used to highlight their differences. But at the same time I taught them that just because we are different it doesn't mean we are any better and they are any less. We are all one ummah. Mashallah now that they are older they respect people of all colours and cultures. Only distinction we make is between muslim and non muslim. But we still respect non Muslims as is their right.

I have been to a few different salafi/ahle hadith masajid. I have never witnessed a scene of chaos as you have described. In fact, I have found more love and unity in masajid where the musallees are more diverse.

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#90 [Permalink] Posted on 9th January 2019 10:36

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What is the ustad going to do with 20
young children learning to read Qur'an in one hr when he is teaching each one individually?

I was once sitting In the talk which the tablighis give while some brothers are out in gasht, and the speaker from the UK was saying we send out children to school for so many hours yet we only give less time to madrasah, so therefore it shows we value secular education over deeni education. I was thinking Those hours at school are very productive, whereas unless the system and syllabus is changed , more hours at madrasa is just more time wasted. Additionally as Ulama are clearly emphasizing now, there shouldn't be
this mentality of dividing education into 'worldly education' vs 'deeni education', as this has had detrimental effects.

I think The ideal would be to have school and madrasa mixed together.

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