Domestic Violence and kids

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#76 [Permalink] Posted on 11th December 2014 13:47

Guest-218443 wrote:

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www.tabahfoundation.org/en/
This is in the UAE!

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#77 [Permalink] Posted on 11th December 2014 19:59

In reply to the '!' - yes, and... does that stop other regions of the world from potentially benefiting from info contained in it? And... what about those in the UAE? So far, some have shared about organizations in UK. This happens to be in UAE.

In Canada, there used to be some faith based ADR available to Christians and Jews; but, when shariah based ADR discussions hit the table, the decision was made to discontinue all faith based ADR (family). Now, while voluntary ADR still exists it is not binding on the partners the way arbitration would be - unless the certified arbitrator happens to be knowledgeable in the area AND the decision does not conflict with any Canadian laws. < simplified for brevity.

I think the details are valid everywhere and it is important for those who suffer from domestic abuse to be informed about their rights in the deen as well as any man-made rights they may have in their respective countries.

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#78 [Permalink] Posted on 11th December 2014 20:17

Jazakallah guest.

The previous post mentioned that it was for those who were not in the Muslim regions.

Khair, beneficial nonetheless.

I posted the link for the benefit of all and I rated the post as informative. Khair, it looks like you took it wrong due to my exclamation!

I only tried to help.

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#79 [Permalink] Posted on 11th December 2014 20:31

The questioner is 20 years old. Therefore the advise given would be for older children who witness domestic violence. I felt the advices could be of help to someone inshaAllah.

How Does a Child Deal With Parents Who Fight Each Other?
Answered by Ustadh Abdullah Anik Misra

Question: My question relates to a common practice in my country. If your parents are fighting amongst each other, and your father is hitting your mother and in response your mother is hitting your father, and both abusing each other and not stopping, and the child can’t just stand there and watch them continue fighting as it is completely morally wrong…

What is the stance that their child (20 yrs old) witnessing all this is suppose to take ?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate,

As salamu alaikum, my dear brother in Islam,

Thank you for reaching out to us. May Allah the Most Loving make this easy for you and create love in your family.

The upshot is that you should call the police when your parents hit each other. If that is not possible, you should call some trusted figure to intervene. Confide in an upright person on each side of your family to mediate. Emphasize to them how this hurts you, and that it must stop or threaten to take this to an authority.

Domestic Violence is Sinful and Unlawful

Domestic violence is wrong and unlawful in Islam, no matter how common it is in your culture. It can never be an acceptable mode of disagreement between spouses. Resolve that you will never allow this to occur in your future marriage, inshaAllah. It is reported that, “The Messenger of Allah [Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him] never hit a servant or woman [ie. in his life].” [Abu Dawud]

It Is An Obligation to Stop Abuse in All its Forms

Your culture may demand secrecy about these things, but silence is no longer an option. There is no shame in seeking help, rather it is obligatory to do so here. It is your choice if you want to firmly restrain the parent who is initiating the aggression until they calm down, or then shield the parent who is taking the abuse, to show them both that this is not tolerable. Never raise your own hand against either side, as you mentioned you considered doing. It never solves anything, and you will sin as well.

If the violence escalates, do not hesitate to call any third party, even a neighbor. Stay respectful through it all, do not join in the yelling, and speak with reason to each of them. Use love to reach their hearts. If things don’t change, encourage them to part ways in divorce, for their own sake, if they cannot stop and obey the limits that Allah Most High has set.

Turn to Allah

Realize that Allah the Merciful is sending you through this so you flee to Him in neediness and love. Turn to Him with patience and prayer, and ask Him to solve this problem. Your parents still individually love you, but always remember that Allah loves you most of all, and He will never wrong you.

Wassalam,
Abdullah Anik Misra
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani
Source

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#80 [Permalink] Posted on 11th December 2014 22:09

abu mohammed wrote:

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JazakAllah khayran for posting the link.

"The Shari'ah offers Muslims living in non-Muslim countries several options for resolving personal disputes. In locations where the local law permits alternative dispute resolution (ADR), there may be an opportunity to apply to these Shari'ah-based options within the ADR framework. These options and this opportunity must be exhausted before there is justification to resort solely or directly to non-Muslim courts." (p.12)(emphasis added)

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#81 [Permalink] Posted on 11th December 2014 22:58

The more the merrier. We need more examples of cases, more contacts etc to show those in distress that there is hope inshaAllah.

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#82 [Permalink] Posted on 12th December 2014 07:38

It is very sad to hear that still people are doing this, may Allah guide us all, Ameen.

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#83 [Permalink] Posted on 13th December 2014 01:25

Attn: brother xs11ax

In relation to your post on abused children (sorry, can't post in that thread):

The mothers in these situations should not have to wait to save up money, feel stressed about not being able to cope (financially), feeling stressed and scared about going it alone. No. These women and their children need help and that help has to extend beyond a phone call or a lift to the local shelter. I recommend fostering. That said, I am not familiar with the fostering situation in the UK so you'll need to do some homework in that regard but this is, in my opinion, the way to go. Now, if things escalate before the family is able to receive help (may Allah Ta'aala protect them and keep such an outcome far, ameen), then it is possible that the children would be taken into care and eventually end up in foster care anyway... so... find out what can be done to ensure they get the best care.

How?...Well, I suggest you or those concerned call fostering agencies (e.g. Fostering North London) to find out what types of programs/placements they have for children of certain backgrounds; in other words, will they take care to ensure Muslim children are kept with Muslim families in the community, etc. Also, find out if individuals or families can step in to care for specific families or if the agency places them with whomever they choose. Ask about the possibility of fostering the children and parent (mother in this case) together.

In the meantime, figure out how many foster families are available in the community and find out if any are willing to sign up to help families out. Find out if there are any such initiatives in the community where members who don't have a family support network can turn to.

Fostering is a huge responsibility and it is disruptive for everyone involved so insha'Allah this type of decision should not be taken lightly nor should it be taken at the exclusion of others who will be impacted by it (especially the other spouse, if there is one). Fostering is meant to be temporary but can take a while too so be prepared for the long-haul, even if it only ends up being a short stay.

Try to get the groundwork done so that these families actually have a place to go, feel comfortable and safe, and are not left trying to figure things out - scared, stressed, and tired.

May Allah Ta'aala accept your efforts, guide you to the best outcome, reward you and all those who reach out to help those in need, may He smile on you on the Day of Judgment, and grant you elevated stations in Jannah. Ameen.

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#84 [Permalink] Posted on 13th December 2014 01:35

The Muslim Fostering Society, UK, is appealing for "Muslim families willing to foster the large number of Muslim children." The following is taken from their homepage:

Welcome to MUSLIM FOSTERING

Our agency, 'The Muslim Fostering Society (UK)' has been established since 1998, we are an approved or a considered service provider for many London local authorities. We offer our service to local authorities for the placement of Muslim children in public care. We maintain our quality of service according to National care standard commission. We are located in central London and are soon hoping to open up branches in other parts of the country.

Our aim and objective has always been to provide Muslim children with quality care and understanding while they are in public care. As you may or may not be aware, there are a large number of Muslim children in public care today all over the UK, and the majority of them are living with non-Muslim families. They therefore live with people that have different beliefs, that eat different food, that do many things differently.

The situation has occurred simply because there is a massive shortage of Muslim foster carer's. You may help these children by joining your Local Authority fostering team, or by joining our agency. You will get a fostering allowance for looking after these children which could be up to £330 per week, more importantly you will inshallah be rewarded in the Aekhera (life-hereafter). Many of our ladies cannot earn this kind of money by going out to work, but fostering involves every member of the household. These children need complete support.

Children come into care for various reasons, there maybe hundreds of reasons why this happens, and we therefore need families from all over London. We need Bengali families for Bengali children, Indian families for Indian children, Pakistani families for Pakistani children; we need families from all ethnic backgrounds to come forward. With your blessing, Duas and help we are hoping to find foster carers for all children in public care today and in the future.

If you are an experienced social worker we would like to speak to you. We require assessments of potential foster carers and training to be carried out on a freelance basis.

If you are considering fostering, and if you need more information, please do not hesitate to call us.

Thank you.
Mr H Bham
Director

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#85 [Permalink] Posted on 13th December 2014 03:35

This post has been reported. It could be due to breaking rules or something as simple as bad use of bbcodes which breaks the page format. We will attend to this soon.

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#86 [Permalink] Posted on 13th December 2014 09:42

Guest-218443 wrote:

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Actually, this is great advice. In fact, brother, please contact brother Daywalk3r and seek advice or help/information from him regarding shelters. Alhumdulillah he has done some very good work regarding shelters and has all the relevant contact information.

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#87 [Permalink] Posted on 14th December 2014 20:00

[brings tears - perhaps it will stop some abusive father (or mother) after reading it...]

Letter to a Stranger

Dear Daddy,
I have been searching for you my whole life.

You were never lost, never were, and you never will be.

But still I long for the imaginary man that should’ve been, could’ve been, but wasn’t.

Nearly thirty years later I find myself wandering; wondering.

..what it would have felt like to run into your arms and have you wipe away my tears when I fell down.

.. how life would have been if I could have laid all my burdens on your shoulders and have you make them all disappear.

..whether you would have saved me from the man who was my father. Could you have taught him to love me?

I wonder.

..what it feels like to be safe and protected by you.

..how different I would have been had I had you to tuck me in at night and tell me that you loved me.

I wonder what it would have been like to worry about life without you; to dread the day you would leave the earth.

There is a void, a dead space where nothing can grow. Barren and vast, it is where my daddy should have planted fields of flowers for me to lay in and be enveloped in their soft fragrance.

I cannot miss that which I never had. But the glimpses of this love through stories, through songs, and so much more, they are blindingly bright; burning the images of what could have been deep into my heart.

I imagine I would end this letter with "I love you.”
-Your daughter.
Authors Blog: Shrouded Memories

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#88 [Permalink] Posted on 15th December 2014 13:57

Mufti Hussain Kamani - NO to Domestic Violence in Islam (Short Reminder)

Halalified YT Audio

Shaykh Sulaiman Ghani - Q&A on Domestic Violence

Halalified YT Audio

You find many more Islamic talks and advices on the topic by simply searching for "islam domestic violence" on YouTube, as for example by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, Shaykh Faraz Rabbani or Dr. Jonathan Brown. Some addressing the abuser, others more the abused. (Surprisingly, there seem to be a lot of Shia talks on the issue...)

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10 Facts Qasim Rashid Needs to Stop Denying About Qadiyani non-Muslims: t.co/gLOo3Fb9HF
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#89 [Permalink] Posted on 14th January 2015 12:47

Assalaamu 'alaykum warahmatullah

This thread became the means of much thought and research....which eventually led to:

Domestic Abuse - the Victim, Perpetrator & Witness

InshaAllah it is of help to both the victims and the perpetrators.

While searching for this thread, I also found this

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