Remove the wife out of the situation and someone else should speak to him. This is what the Qur'aan teaches for arbitration/reconciliation.
Please remember that Islamic Sharia doesn't drop the wife in this situation so we should adhere to this advice from Allah (SWT).
Please ensure that the intervention/advice is timely, topical, Islamic, professional and easily understood. Referring issues to a Hazrat is not necessarily the right course of action. Most Hazrats respond once/twice and then are too busy to carry on diligently and consistently and if they respond it is not quick.
Most Sisters in these cases need reassurance and someone to speak to, a fellow Muslim Sister who is available via text/WhatsApp is much more effective than referring to a Hazrat.
Ulama study aspects of Islamic Fiqh and are not necessarily trained to intervene and advise on marital (or family) issues. The art of advising people (appropriately) comes from either professional study (& experience) or extensive life experience and exposure.
Without experience, exposure & knowledge a person will fall back on cultural clichés and stereotypes. In my humble opinion most Sisters in these situation need constant (contact) and reassurance and any Sister (within the community) can play a huge role offering support, someone to talk to, exchange messages, chit-chat.
One HUGE FACTOR missing in UK is socialising for women! Our (Deobandee) brothers and sisters are seriously behind on the issue if a Sister is permitted to organise something in the Masjid (* premises) then it is hugely scrutinised to be compliant with XYZ while men can stand in the parking lot and talk about Pakistan Cricket to Arsenal to HMC!
We need to realise that women in this country (whether you agree or disagree) do have stuff to talk about and if you don’t give them the right opportunity (sheltered from effects of Kuf’r) then they will find support (and space) elsewhere because society is eager to embrace them (and wash Islam from them).
This is the NUMBER ONE issue which Brothers like Arslan. don’t get.
Madkhalees, Barelwees, Modernists, Atheists etc are ready to support (our Sisters) and give them the freedom to let their hair down. We are pushing our (daughters) in a different direction. Khala UmmiTalib is a unique person in her Islamic understanding, ability and knowledge; most British Sisters are not at that level and cannot judge right from wrong so don’t think that when (local) Deobandi Masjid doesn’t permit them (or discourages them) they stay idle and stay within the confines of home.
In the West-Midlands every Deobandi (Alim, Mufti, Shaykh) knows about Green Lane Mosque YET they choose to ignore the challenge oblivious to the fact that many many women (who are either Deobandi or from Deobandi oriented families) are attending it in large numbers. Many (Deobandi) Fathers/Brothers turn a blind eye because they know that you can't your daughter/sister a diet of Urdu (or badly translated) Fazail-e-Amaal forever!
Send your daughters to Ta'leem is wonderful slogan but is Ta'leem (Tableeghi style) conducive and interesting to a young British girl? Who will be the first (amongst Hazrats) to be honest?
If she is visiting Green Lane today and watching Yasmin Mogahed on youtube what makes us think that her or her children will refer to Shaykh (Maulana) Saleem Dhorat (HA) when she has problems?
Devastating situation, we are breeding problems in this country, mark my words & I will be long gone when future generations will pay for the errors of the current generation.
I mean seriously; sometimes I do think that I am MAD!
This cannot be undone and I am sure it will be greatly appreciated.