Sayha - Scream, Sexual, Mental, Physical abuse Pushed under the Rug.

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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 17:28

السلام عليكم

Restoring an excellent thread by Shaikh Fusoos posted here on Sunniforum.

FusuAlHikam wrote:

As much as we want to ignore it there are many cases of sexual, mental, physical, psychological abuse that happen in our community.

Girls as young as 10 have gotten sexually abused, touched, fondled, by an older cousin/brother, many wives are mentally and physically abused by their husbands, and many husbands are under heavy psychological pressure from their wives. This type of abuse destroys lives, then those shattered lives destroy other lives and the vicious cycle of abuse continues.

People hate their abuser and later on mimic the same abuse. Girls who are abused feel that is their only worth in this world and their natural talents and god given abilities are totally gone to waste. Abused people suffer a lot unnecessarily.

There are very few resources these people have to use for help, in almost every case the victim of these abuses feels embarrassed, humiliated, and scared to even talk about the abuse that happened to them. Many times all the victim wants is to just yell their frustration at what happened to them, just to cry out. They just want to open their mouth and say, "Look what happened to me." I want to create a place where these victims can come and just yell, just scream. This place is called Sayha. The loud yell. The scream. The terrible cry.

Insha'Allah this place will be available soon for people to come and scream about what happened to them, what they can do here on out, or maybe write a letter to their abuser telling them how it felt, or if they were abused and have gotten help to now come and tell their happy story, or just let out their frustrations.

Until it is open if anyone comes across this thread and wishes to yell and scream here anonymously or if you want to share your name you can do that also, it is totally up to you, but if you want to yell here feel free to yell here. This is your place to yell, scream, say what you want to say. No one will talk down to you. No one will lecture you. No one will read a list of guidelines and advice about what to do. No advice unless you ask for it. It is just a place for you to at least open your mouth against your abuse.

It takes a community to solve the community problems.

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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 17:30

FususAlHikam wrote:

In USA:

1) 7% of girls in grades 5-8 and 12% of girls in grades 9-12 said they had been sexually abused. 3% of boys grades 5-8 and 5% of boys in grades 9-12 said they had been sexually abused. - 1998 Commonwealth Fund Survey of the Health of Adolescent Girls. 1998.

2) About 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the horrible cycle of abuse - Long - Term Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect. Child Welfare Information Gateway.Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2006. Retrieved from www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/fac...nsequences.cfm

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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 17:32

Amr123 wrote:

A Good book by (Hazrat) Maulana Yunus Patel (sahab) رحمة الله عليه on this oft neglected topic-

Removing the Safety Net:

yunuspatel.co.za/books-removingthesafetynet.php

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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 17:34

Ahmed12 wrote:

I agree, most cases go unreported and these people end up in depression, drugs, prostitution, abusive relationships etc. Not saying that talking about it would make all the pain/trauma go away but having some type of support network would help keep them away from crack or self harm or whatever they end up doing just to feel better and forget. Abuse itself can kill you on the inside but the consequences of the abuse and how you react to it, etc can make things even worse. A lot worse.

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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 17:38

dr76 wrote:

Its a delicate issue that has an impact on the society as a whole.. the person involved.. his / her parents.. peers.. her own self confidence.. trust with the opposite gender.. even close relatives.. and her instinct to build a relationship post Marriage.. or getting engaged at all.. everything takes a major dent..

A lady came to me few months back for consultation .. she had visited earlier.. after the treatment given, said she wants to speak to me on some personal issue and needs advice.... i said fine.. go on.. she had tears in her eyes.. said she broke off her engagement..

i asked her what happened.. she replied she couldnt cope with the fear of getting married.. i knew i was hitting an emotional iceberg here.. told her to go on.. .. said she has fears on intimacy with the opposite sex and began to weep profusely.. asked her what happened.. said she was abused by her uncle when she was a little girl.. and finds it difficult to adjust with any man now.. asked me if i knew a good psychiatrist who could get her out of it..

luckily.. a few weeks back i had attended a seminar on psychiatry and there was a lecture by a woman Psychiatrist. the lady was demonstrating her skills on hypnotism and retrieval of agonising incidents from the subconcious..

she had asked for a subject and a lady volunteered.. the volunteer admitted of having fear of darkness.
the hypnotism began with the Psychiatrist taking her all the way back to her childhood ..deep into her subconcious.. where the incident lied hidden..

said.. she is playing with her sister and a big man wants to hold her.. he is bad and wants to do bad things.. the girl runs to her room and hides beneath a bed..it is very dark there and she is frightned .. and is shivering with fear that the big man would spot her .. the psychiatrist asked her if he was a relative and the lady nodded as yes..

Then at this level she twisted the incident by bringing in a confidence factor on to the scene.. by placing there someone she trusts.. who is just around outside to take care of her.. that the lights are turned on now and very bright.. that there is no need to be scared anymore..

then it was followed by creating a comfort zone where she feels safe.. and was brought out of hypnosis.. the psychiatrist asked her if she has fears of anything and now she replied in negative.. there was an applause from the audience..

so i referred this patient who just broke her engagement to this lady psychaitrist..

This was just one incident.. there are many such which i find difficult to narrate..

May Allah سبحانه وتعالى give her a happily married life again.. and help those who have been traumatised.. ameen..

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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 17:45

Amr123 wrote:

Yeah, fear of intimacy is very common. Such people need help BEFORE they get married because even if the partner is aware of these intimacy issues, he/she may misjudge how quick they could be fixed and end up frustrated and doing more harm than good. Even the ones who overcome it may become a little too dependant on their spouse or as people say, 'clingy'. Which can also be bad times. They need to be aware that these are normal responses to the kind of trauma they've been through and then try and NOT get too emotional/vulnerable in case the marriage ends badly. Which again, can do more damage. Difficult things to deal with

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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 17:48

Okhtok wrote:

I just want to say JazakumAllahu Khair for posting this. I really appreciate it and I'm sure many others will... I pray that they will find it inshaAllah.

I have posted a link to this page on our fb page (Muslim Survivors of CSA). I think this forum, with the anonymity that it offers, will be beneficial inshaAllah to all victims...

I have also posted a quote from the original post (I hope you don't mind Shaykh Fusus, but please tell me if this is a problem, and apologies for not asking permission beforehand...)

I pray that Allah brings your vision of sayha to fulfillment inshaAllah and that He makes it a means of healing and strength for the ummah.

May Allah Most High bless you in this endeavour. Aameen.

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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 17:51

PursuitOfKnowledge wrote:

Excellent thread. Hopefully, the members here don't ignore the issue by simply pointing to the problems of the Catholic Church or the prevalence of these crimes in non-Muslim majority countries. I find that as an Ummah, we'd often rather point out that others are making the same mistakes we are rather than addressing and correcting our own shortcomings.

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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 17:54

Dadullah wrote:

very important topic but i personally think we should have a system in place like the hmc monitors(couldnt rely on other people so made our own organisation), a body of some sort to gain the confidence of the youth and monitor activities of teachers in madaaris. masaajid probably cant afford to do crb checks so this committee should be financed by us to give free councilling crb checks etc and at the head should be ulema who should hold yearly conferences on this topic covering all aspects of physical sexual and mental abuse. when a haafidh or alim reaches the end of the course there needs to be councilling and teacher training for them so they know what is expected of them, maybe 1 hour a week would be enough.

about 5 years back in a neighbouring locality word spread that there was 8 complaints against an imam/teacher. the british law let him off the hook because there was little complaint and those who did didnt seem too interested because of the shame in it for them. i was a madrassah student then in pakistan and some brothers approached and asked me what to do. i asked about witness statements etc etc and the case was pretty credible so i contacted a few teachers and they said the greater loss is the hurt of many children rather then 1 teacher so even though its not jaaiz you should "rough him up a little". the brothers went beat him then explained to him to leave and not come back and they explained the hukam and what not with dalaail to him and he was never seen again.

maybe hes doing the same thing elsewhere but he still may have the fear that maybe next time someone is going to do me some serious damage therefore he might stop.

wallahu a'lam but the muslim community is seriously lacking when it comes to solutions for these problems.

السلام عليكم

p.s i dont condone violence but there are boundaries which this "haafidh sahib" crossed and i think most parents out there would respect those brothers who risked a a potential prison sentence and embassment for MANY childrens safety.

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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 17:58

FususAlHikam Wrote:

New York Hasidic leader gets 103 years for abuse

A leader of an Orthodox Jewish sect in New York was sentenced Tuesday to 103 years in prison for sexually abusing a young girl, capping a scandal that lifted the lid on the Hasidic group’s parallel society.

Nechemya Weberman, a prominent figure in the ultra-strict Satmar branch of Hasidic Jews, was convicted of abusing the girl over the course of three years in the Brooklyn neighborhood where their community has a huge enclave and he worked as an unlicensed counselor.

Ahead of the judge’s sentencing, the victim told the court that Weberman acted “without the slightest bit of mercy,” leaving her as “a girl who didn’t want to live in her own skin.”

The case caused an uproar in the Satmar community, shattering a code of silence imposed by the group’s insistence on dealing with matters internally and not going to the police.

“If there is one message to take away from this case, it is that this office will pursue the evil of sexual abuse of a child no matter where it occurs,” District Attorney Charles Hynes said.

“The abuse of a child cannot be swept under the rug or dealt with by insular groups believing only they know what is best for their community. In this case, it took the courage of a young woman to drive home the point that justice can only be achieved through the involvement of civil authorities charged with protecting all the people.”

Weberman, 54, was convicted on 59 counts of criminal sexual acts, abuse, and child endangerment.

The trial was marred by allegations of intimidation by Weberman’s supporters, including an attempt to bribe the girl into dropping her case. Several men were also accused of illegally taking pictures of the accuser and putting them online.

The defense claimed that the girl made up the accusations to take revenge against Weberman for informing her parents that she’d revealed to him she was romantically involved with a boy — something banned in their community.

With no physical evidence, the young woman’s testimony was the prosecution’s key, as well as her composure under harrowing cross-examination by Weberman’s powerful legal team.

The jury sided with the accuser, who was 12 when the abuse started and has now married.

In her statement at the sentencing, the victim recalled not being able to sleep “because the horrifying images of the recent gruesome invasion which had been done to her body kept replaying.”

She said she had lost her self-respect and had wanted to be a normal teenager, but “was stuck being victimized by a 50-year-old man who forced her to experience and perform sickening acts for his sick sense of pleasure again and again.”

Over the course of the trial, in a Brooklyn courtroom packed with Hasidic men wearing traditional black coats and women in wigs, a picture of a closed community that has little in common with the rest of America’s biggest city.

Witnesses told of pressure to keep away from the authorities, rules against using everyday modern tools like computers, and the dominance of internal Satmar institutions, including schools.

The victim had been in trouble at her school because she chafed at the old-fashioned modesty rules, such as frequent checks on the thickness of girls’ tights and having to keep shirts buttoned up to the throat.

It was then that she was ordered to go for expensive counseling with Weberman, or face being expelled.

The court heard that Weberman had complete power over his charge, one day taking her for an unauthorized car drive of 12 hours, then forcing the parents to apologize for their impertinence when they complained about what they considered an inappropriate excursion for their daughter.

The girl’s family has been hounded since her shocking decision to go to the police. The father’s business has collapsed and the girl was forced to find another school, the court heard.

The victim told other abuse victims too afraid to come forward: “You have a voice even if you think no one will believe you and even when you’re so scared of being chased and crushed by your community.

www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/01/new-york-hasidic-leader-gets-...

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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 18:01

FususAlHikam wrote:

With no physical evidence, the young woman’s testimony was the prosecution’s key, as well as her composure under harrowing cross-examination by Weberman’s powerful legal team.

The jury sided with the accuser, who was 12 when the abuse started and has now married.

Meelash replied:

Assuming it is true, though, look at what a big lesson it gives us. Our laws of hijaab and purdah are there for a reason, and "uncles" and imams are not exempt from them. Unfortunately, in spite of having a perfect deen, many "religious" Muslims insist on ignoring these rules while they "assist" the community. It is no wonder these kind of incidents take place even in our communities.

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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 18:05

dr76 wrote :

Some statistics on child abuse and neglect in the U.S

Children Die Every Day From Abuse or Neglect :

In 2005, an estimated 1,460 children died as a result of abuse or neglect (USDHHS, 2007). The majority almost 76.6 percent of these children were 3 years of age or younger. Most child fatalities (76.6 percent) happened at the hands of parents (USDHHS, 2007). Not all fatalities were the result of the physical trauma of abuse. Neglect accounted for almost half (32.2 percent) of all fatality cases.

Read more..

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#13 [Permalink] Posted on 20th March 2015 18:10

FususAlHikam wrote:

In USA:

1) 7% of girls in grades 5-8 and 12% of girls in grades 9-12 said they had been sexually abused. 3% of boys grades 5-8 and 5% of boys in grades 9-12 said they had been sexually abused. - 1998 Commonwealth Fund Survey of the Health of Adolescent Girls. 1998.

2) About 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the horrible cycle of abuse - Long - Term Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect. Child Welfare Information Gateway.Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2006. Retrieved from www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/fac...nsequences.cfm
[/quote]

Love-Fear-Hope Replied:

Now I don't know the percentage but some girls who are abused when they grow up they become feminists, and sadly sometimes not only girls but also boys. Or they simply were children who saw their mother being abused.
We should prevent feminism in our ummah and we can't prevent it only by criticizing feminists, I think we should also find a way to prevent abuses, maybe then less children will grow up like this.

And I wonder why some people instead of helping those who are abused all they can do is telling them "be patient"? why?

[quote=murtuza alam]why are not muslims coming out with organisations to protect child abuse??why all the time the non-muslims are in the front row..if anyone knows any muslim organisation in any part of the world kindly share with us..

Love-Fear-Hope Replied:

I think I know why many muslims want to ignore these situations and pretend they don't exist. Is because they don't care, and others because they are scared to hear about, to talk about and to protest against.
But I don't know why and how can somebody tell you to be patient when you are living in that kind of situation e.g where your husband hits you, kicks you for stupid reasons.

And yes we should wake up and do something, some organizations to help these people who are being abused could be a great idea.

I really wish I could do something but alone I can't do anything.

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#14 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2015 22:21

murtuza alam wrote:

yes, but there are many muslims like you ,like me ,who wants to come forward but dont know where we lack behind..may ALLAHسبحانه وتعالى gives heediah to the muslim ummah.

Love-Fear-Hope Replied:

Ameen to your dua!

I know where I lack behind instead: I am a girl and usually the only one who talks about this and who protest against and when I do it usually people consider me mad, or they just don't want to listen and they always find a reason to avoid talking about, and so alone I lack behind, I cannot do much except talking, most of the time alone considering that many people don't even try to understand what I try to say.

Honestly I don't know many muslims who wants to come forward, maybe they do exist but I haven't met them yet, personally I know too many muslims who don't care instead or they just don't want to recognize that this things do exist and they happen even in our ummah, or they are just too obsessed with culture and when i protest against it, they can't bear it.

I think we are too negligent. How come kufars are more motivated than us in trying to help this people who are abused?
I think often about this matters and I also try to think about some solutions to this problems, that's why I'd like to open a new thread about this, though I'm not sure I'll do it, because I am too busy these days and I don't know if I'll have enough time for that. I'd like to try to suggest some of the solutions I've been thinking!

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#15 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2015 22:25

dr76 wrote:

Dont know about other Muslim countries but they have launched one here..

Dubai foundation launches child protection campaign

Initiative seeks to educate parents and empower public in fight against child abuse

Staff Report
April 22, 2013

Dubai: The Dubai Foundation for Women and Children (DFWAC) has launched its 2013 child protection campaign to educate parents and empower the public in the fight against child abuse as it observes National Child Abuse Prevention Month.

The campaign, which is in its fourth consecutive year, will run under the theme ‘Protect Childhood, It’s Precious’.

The highlight of this year’s campaign’s is The Children’s Carnival — a special event to be hosted at Mirdiff City Centre from April 25-26 and which will run from 10am to 10pm. The carnival will include fun, interactive and educational awareness activities for young children and parents.

According to a Unicef report published in 2009, it is estimated that between 500 million and 1.5 billion children are exposed to abuse each year, with 86 per cent of them being subjected to some form of physical or emotional abuse.

Afra Al Basti, general manager of the DFWAC said: “The campaign demonstrates the shared passion across the nation in preserving the safety of our future generations. Through such initiatives, we are raising awareness about the various forms of child abuse and more importantly empowering people within our community on how to prevent, protect and manage abuse cases.”

The DFWAC is also organising educational workshops for children at public libraries and hosting discussions and lectures about children’s social and psychological rights at a number of institutions that include Hatta Hospital, the General Directory of Residency and Foreign Affairs and various destinations owned by the Majid Al Futtaim group of companies.

The DFWAC will also present the results of child abuse studies to students at the Sharjah Higher Colleges of Technology. A variety of educational and awareness materials will be distributed to support these activities.

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