What's an Internet Mufti??

I canot find my message so posted the question in public as requested, here.

Although im really not proud of MS's decision to ban majlis links, i can see why its happening. Some members here are ridiculous, to put it mildly. Maybe this will be best for everyone, since it appears that ml a.s desai's fans and foes hate arguing over his writing's equally. 

May Allah (SWT) reward Sayyida Barira (RA) who gave us a way out of being depressed from the taunts of how dare you disagree, who do you think you  are...."Hazrat Worshippers"....

حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدٌ، أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ الْوَهَّابِ، حَدَّثَنَا خَالِدٌ، عَنْ عِكْرِمَةَ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، أَنَّ زَوْجَ، بَرِيرَةَ كَانَ عَبْدًا يُقَالُ لَهُ مُغِيثٌ كَأَنِّي أَنْظُرُ إِلَيْهِ يَطُوفُ خَلْفَهَا يَبْكِي، وَدُمُوعُهُ تَسِيلُ عَلَى لِحْيَتِهِ، فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم لِعَبَّاسٍ ‏"‏ يَا عَبَّاسُ أَلاَ تَعْجَبُ مِنْ حُبِّ مُغِيثٍ بَرِيرَةَ، وَمِنْ بُغْضِ بَرِيرَةَ مُغِيثًا ‏"‏‏.‏ فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ لَوْ رَاجَعْتِهِ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ تَأْمُرُنِي قَالَ ‏"‏ إِنَّمَا أَنَا أَشْفَعُ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالَتْ لاَ حَاجَةَ لِي فِيهِ‏.‏

 

Narrated Ibn `Abbas:

Barira's husband was a slave called Mughith, as if I am seeing him now, going behind Barira and weeping with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet (ﷺ) said to `Abbas, "O `Abbas ! are you not astonished at the love of Mughith for Barira and the hatred of Barira for Mughith?" The Prophet (ﷺ) then said to Barira, "Why don't you return to him?" She said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Do you order me to do so?" He said, "No, I only intercede for him." She said, "I am not in need of him." [Bukhari]

Here is to people finding something...

Two second generation Indians met in London and the following conversation took place:

Indian 1: Where was your father from?

Indian 2: Tamil Nadu.

Indian 1: Really? So was mine, where from in Tamil Nadu?

Indian 2: Chennai

Indian 1: Really? So was mine, where in Chennai?

Indian 2: Mount Road

Indian 1: Really? So was mine, which Masjid did he go to?

Indian 2: Makkah Masjid

Indian 1: Really? So was mine,did he usually pray inside or in the courtyard?

Indian 2: Inside

Indian 1: Really? so did mine on the left or on the right?

Indian 2: Left

Indian 1: Oh! Your father was one of those who prayed on the left...I knew there was something wrong with you the minute I saw you!!!

.:P :) :P

English in South Africa:

A South African Mufti south goes to get meat from the butcher with his cat this is what happens:

Mufti Abdul-Sami Patel (HA); Asslamo Allaikum Bhai, How are you doing today?

Butcher:  W-Salam Mufti Saheb, Alhumdolillah what can I do for you today?

Mufti Abdul-Sami Patel (HA); Can I have 5 KG of lamb Qeema hand made, 3 KG of drumticks for frying, 2 KG of thin cut steak please

Butcher:  Sure, Mufti Saheb anything else

Mufti Abdul-Sami Patel (HA)  notices 2 pieces of meat hanging high up so he asks 

Mufti Abdul-Sami Patel (HA); Why do you have those two pieces of meat hanging up?

Butcher:  We are having a competition, Mufti Saheb if your cat can jump up and grab them you get your meat (today) free otherwise you pay 20 Rands playing fees

Mufti Abdul-Sami Patel (HA); Sounds interesting..Hmm

Butcher:  Come on Mufti Saheb, havn't you trained your cat well enough it is well enough in Durban for its high jumps...Give it a shot!

Mufti Abdul-Sami Patel (HA): No, I think I will give it a miss

Butcher:  Why?

Mufti Abdul-Sami Patel (HA): I think the stakes are too high

You either get this or you don't.... :P