Wife and actions of her husband?

Asslamo Allaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,

A young new Muslim sister approached me with a problem. She stated that her husband and his friend are planning to do something Haram.

She says that she is new Muslims and only knows that in Islam we are not supposed to lie and cheat and believes that her husband and his friend shouldn’t lie.

She spoke to both of them and they brushed her aside saying, “You don’t need to worry about this!” so in great distress she asked me if Allah (SWT) will punish her because she heard about their business plans?

She is under 25 and been Muslims for less than 6 months.

How and what should you advise her?

In my experience I have also found many Reverts talk about lack of support from communities/Mosques for their problems and Revert Sisters generally almost always 100% blame their communities. Relationship breakdown, lack of marriage, poverty Sisters usually blame the community while many brothers also do.

Anyways this Sister isn’t complaining, she is stressed and expects the Mosque to sort out her husband and his friend. In her mind this is what the Mosque is there for!

Asslamo Allaikum,

I don’t know her local Mosque but I must clarify some of the intricacies of the matter. Her husband wants something from the Masjid which is a standard process and she wants the Masjid to actually investigate the issue before complying with the request.

That is not the way Islam works. We are supposed to take the word of a Muslim on face value and not pry, spy or investigate; that is neither the job of the Imam nor the Masjid.

Secondly, Masjid has no legal (Islamic or civil) to intervene in people’s private affairs unless they voluntarily accept and invite the Masjid to be involved. In this case the husband clearly doesn’t want it.

I sat down with the Sister and explained to her and she is sitting in front of me wearing HIjab and claiming to be a Muslim so I believe her (on face value). Is it my job to investigate, pry and spy whether she is Muslim or not? She said no so I then asked her why do you think the Masjid should do that?

For legal matters in Islam there is Islamic justice system, no such thing exists in the West apart from Islamic Shariah council where again the judgement is powerless to be enforced.

The issue here is absence of Khilafah and lack of authority. This is precisely why the on-Muslims got rid of Ottoman Empire although they knew that it was “sick man of Europe”.

The issue here is a dispute between husband and wife and lack of trust (as you rightly pointed out) and it is up to husband/wife to sort this out (or seek to sort it out) we can’t put this issue at the doorstep of the Masjid.

After speaking to her, I am fairly convinced that her husband is taking advantage of her (trying to get a British Passport) and she doesn’t see it. I am fairly convinced that in 3-4 months after his passport hearings he won’t stay with her (as per the norm is after the immigration issues are settled). I am also fairly convinced that a year or two down the line this Sister will blame the Masjid or the community for not helping her when she neither consulted the Masjid nor the community in firstly harbouring a relationship with him and then marrying him.

Such as our lot that people will bemoan another Revert Sister hard done by...But after over 2 decades of experience people need to see these issues for what they really.

Neither the Masjid nor the immigrants (or the born Muslims) compel these Sisters to get into these sort of situations so they have to take some responsibility for their actions.

Sister,

It is our Islamic duty to help everyone to the best of my ability and the Mosque, Imams, community leaders play an important role.

Nevertheless, we can’t ignore the fact that many of our Sisters (Reverts and born Muslimahs) CHOOSE to get into a relationship with a particular person; they don’t consult the Mosque, they don’t consult an Imam or Shaykh etc so when things go wrong of course they should be helped but it is WRONG to put the blame on Mosque or community.

The Mosque or the community didn’t create the problem, it was their decision. In many experience many Muslims blame their local Mosque or their local Muslim community but I am Sorry personal responsibility needs to be taught.

Don’t misunderstand me before responding! All help should be given but it should be clearly outlined that Islam or Muslims are not fault here for wrong decisions made in life.

I have made many wrong decisions in life, terrible decision and I continue to pay the price for them but I don’t blame Islam or my Imam or my Shaykh for it! Why should I? I made those decisions, if someone helps me undue some of the damage (Alhumdolillah) but the buck stops with me and not my Masjid or my community or my Imam or Shaykh.

Lets call the spade, a spade, eh?