Advice to my “online” daughter!
Please read teh first draft and advise changes before it gets to the main section and gets publicised...
Please read teh first draft and advise changes before it gets to the main section and gets publicised...
Changed and this added...
Secondly, if Aisha is choosing to take the dispensation within the Hanafi Madhab then she should also realise that Hanafi Madhab has strict recommendations around Compatibility (kafa'a) in marriage and an Islamic Shariah council can rule in favour of her father and annul the marriage due to incompatibility. Aisha cannot take one dispensation from the Madhab (on marriage without Wali) but ignore the rulings pertaining to Compatibility (kafa'a).
Sent many emails and if you have someone personally verified and checked who can answers emails from Sisters please let me know and I will add it.
Advice and daughter (singular) is deliberately used.
That would be great help.
Jazakallahu Khairun
Dear Daughter,
Asslamo Allaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
It seems like just yesterday when you were taking your first steps and trying to walk. You tried to stand and then fell down with a thump so many times but you kept trying and eventually you took your first steps.
Alhumdolillah, I was proud of you then and I am proud of you now.
My daughter, you have all grown up but the challenges you faced when you were learning to walk and the challenges you face now, remain. Their nature may have changed, their severity hasn’t. Yesterday when you fell on your back while trying to stand wasn’t anything major and you were able to stand again. Today, when you fall on your back it may not be so easy for you to get up and walk again because the injuries may be to your soul and to your Eeman; so watch out!
My daughter, I have bought you a phone and a laptop because I trust you and most importantly I trust Allah (SWT) to guide you but I still fear Shaytaan and I still fear my innocent daughter. You will forever be “my little daughter” and nothing will change that. I will always be protective and looking out for you no matter how many times I am told that you have all grown up now. I can’t help it so forgive the silliness of an old man!
I care for you because I love you. I was there when you were born, I called the Adhan in your ears and I took you home on your first day so I can’t help it...By Allah! I can’t help it but to look out for you.
We may have some differences of opinion and Allah (SWT) has given you the right in his religion of Islam to have an opinion and to exercise it. I will NEVER stand in your way despite disagreement but all I want you to do is to go about taking your decisions the right way.
My daughter, you have the right to make your decision but if you make those decisions based on the commandments of Allah (SWT) and the noble Sunnah of Sayyidina Rasul-ullah (Sallallaho Alaihe Wassallam) then the Barakah and blessings of Allah (SWT) will be part of your decision and will enrich your life.
[42:38] and those who have responded to their Lord (in submission to Him), and have established Salah, and whose affairs are (settled) with mutual consultation between them, and who spend out of what We have given to them,
But in order to consult, you need to know who to consult with! My daughter, Allah (SWT) has commanded us to refer our matters to Scholars (Ulamah) and no aspect of our life as a Muslim is absolved from this commandment.
[16:43] So, ask the people (having the knowledge) of the Reminder (the earlier Scriptures), if you do not know.
You have trusted your father for so long and it is most appreciated but in order for you to move ahead in your Dunya and hereafter you need to learn to think for yourself. I won’t be around forever and I advise you to ascertain the credibility of the Ulamah and Mashaykh whom you consult. Not everyone who is active on an Islamic forum or has millions of hits on facebook or appears persuasive on youtube can be trusted. Not everyone who can write eloquently or speak fluently is trustworthy. Refer your matters to Ulamah and Mashaykh who are trusted by “other Ulamah and Mashaykh”.
This Deen of Allah (SWT) was revealed upon Sayyidina Rasul-ullah (Sallallaho Alaihe Wassallam) through the noble and trusted Sayyidina Gibrael (AS) and then it was transmitted to the Sahaba (RA) and then onwards until it has reached us. We have ensured that we have acquired it from noble Ulamah and Mashaykh, men and women of trustworthiness and Taqwa who were (and are) trusted in their times by notable, credible and authentic Ulamah and Mashaykh of our times. Facebook, twitter, youtube, WhatsApp Islamic forums doesn’t change the rules of seeking Deen.
Sacred knowledge was in the hearts of men, then it moved into the books and the keys to these books are in the hands of scholars (rijal). This implies the necessity of acquiring knowledge from the people who master it.
My daughter, know that authentic knowledge will be taken away by the passing away of sincere Ulamah and Mashaykh and the misguided fools will take over their place. These fools will be utterly misguided and they will misguide!
Truly, Allah does not remove Sacred Knowledge by taking it out of servants, but rather by taking back the souls of Islamic scholars [in death], until, when He has not left a single scholar, the people take the ignorant as leaders, who are asked for and who give Islamic legal opinion without knowledge, misguided and misguiding [Bukhari]
My advice would be incomplete if I don’t leave you with the details of some Ulamah and Mashaykh whom you can contact and seek guidance from. You should use your online presence and publicise this information with the intention of seeking the pleasure of Allah (SWT).
1 Shaykh (Mufti) Zubair Dudha (HA): Email him through the site or ring him on +44-(01924)450-422 between the hours of 17:00-19:00 Monday through Friday. If you wish to speak to his wife then request it
2 Shaykh Mufti Abdur-Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera (HA): You can email him on [email protected]
3 Shaykh Zulfiqar Ahmad (HA): Specify gender as female
a Women globally should contact this site
b Women in USA should contact this site
c Women in UK should contact [email protected]
d Women in Pakistan should contact this site
3 Shaykh Abdul Hamid Ishaq (HA): Shaykh (HA) can be emailed on [email protected] or contacted in South Africa on +27 11 413 2786/+27 83 590 5123
4 Shaykh (Mufti) Zubair Butt (HA): Shaykh (HA) can be emailed on [email protected]
5 Madrasa Madania Tahfeezul Quran: An Islamically qualified sister can be contacted via MMTQ.
The second unshaken component of decision making which is suggested to you by Sayyidina Rasul-ullah (Sallallaho Alaihe Wassallam) is Istikhara. Many are mistaken that Istikhara is only for marriage but know that it is for each and every need in your life no matter how small. Those who beseech their Rabb and ask for guidance and the haughty who rely on their intellect, wisdom and experience miss out.
My daughter, don’t be from the arrogant and the haughty because these are the traits of Shaytaan. Pray 2 Rakaat and then make dua.
Allâhumma inni astakhiruka bi ilmika wa astaqdiruka biqudratika wa as’aluka min fadlikal-azimi, fa innaka taqdiru walâ aqdiru wa ta'lamu walâ a'lamu wa anta allamul ghuyâbi. Allâhumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hâdhal amra khayrun li fi dini wa ma-ashi wa aqibati amri faqdir-hu li wa yassir-hu li thumma barik li fihi wa in kunta ta'lamu anna hâdhal amra shari-un li fi dini wa maâshi wa aqibati amri fasrifhu anni wasrifni anhu waqdir liyal-khayra haythu kâna thumma ardini bihi.
0 Allah, I ask of You the good through Your knowledge and I ask You to grant me ability through Your power and beg Your favour of infinite bounty, for surely, You have power and I have none, You know all and I know nothing and You are the Knower of all that is hidden. 0 Allah if in Your knowledge, this matter be good for my faith (Din), my livelihood and the consequences of my affairs in the world and the Hereafter, then ordain it for me and facilitate it from me and grant me blessing in it. But, f in Your knowledge this matter is bad for my faith, my livelihood and the consequences of my affairs in the world and the Hereafter, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and ordain for me the good wherever it be, and cause me to be pleased with it.
When you reach the words anna hâdhal amra, which means ‘this matter’, you should think about the matter which you are seeking blessings for. After that, you should lie down in a state of purity on a clean bed, with your face towards the Qiblah. Whatever comes firmly to your mind on waking is the best cause of action and should be adopted.
If nothing comes to your mind on the first day and the anxiety and indecisiveness continues, you should repeat it the next day and so on for a week. By the grace of Allah you will come to know the good or evil of the matter. It isn't necessary for you to have dreams about the issue.
Now we could talk about the issues pertaining to your friends which you briefly talked about this morning.
You said that your friend Aisha has met someone on facebook whom she intends to marry and she believes that the objections of her father are against Shariah. Aisha also believes that since she is Hanafi she can go ahead and get married without a Wali. Masha’Allah, I remember little Aisha from Madrasa days and always liked her because she always considered her words before speaking. However, in this case I think she may be getting a little ahead of herself.
1 Marriage without a Wali according to Imam Malik (RA), Imam Shaf'ae (RA) and Imam Ahmed Ibn Hanbal (RA) and their 3 Madhabs is invalid.
2 Marriage without a Wali according to Imam Abu Yusuf (RA), Imam Muhammad (RA) in the Hanafi Madhab is also invalid.
3 Marriage of mature woman (baaligha) without a Wali according to Imam Abu Haneefa (RA) is valid, although the Sunnah is of course to involve the Wali.
A number of Hanafi Ulamah have given the Fatwa upon the illustrious opinion of the students of Imam Abu Haneefa (RA) and regard marriage without wali as invalid.
On the other hand, there are Ulamah who regard marriage without wali as valid, nevertheless they clearly discourage and advise against it.
Secondly, if Aisha is choosing to take the dispensation within the Hanafi Madhab then she should also realise that Hanafi Madhab has strict recommendations around Compatibility (kafa'a) in marriage and an Islamic Shariah council can rule in favour of her father and annul the marriage due to incompatibility. Aisha cannot take one dispensation from the Madhab (on marriage without Wali) but ignore the rulings pertaining to Compatibility (kafa'a).
I don’t know what reasons Aisha’s father has outlined for disagreeing with her choice but I don’t understand as to why Aisha thinks that the reasons for her father are invalid while hers are valid? To me she should seek an independent opinion. Remove herself and her father both from the equation and discuss the issue with an Islamic Shariah council and if they deliberate and then rule that her father’s reasons are invalid then let a Mufti act as a Wali on her behalf. The noble Sunnah of Sayyidina Rasul-ullah (Sallallaho Alaihe Wassallam) has given us guidance in this matter.
If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian. [Tirmidhi, Abi Dawud]
There is a dispute between Aisha and her father and instead of relying on her judgement and stripping her marriages of the blessings of Allah (SWT), she should contact her nearest Islamic Shariah council since we don’t have any Muslim rulers.
It will not only get her decision independently verified but will also protect her interests and wishes. Allah (SWT) has stipulated the condition of a Wali for a Muslim woman for a reason; Aisha shouldn’t tear the protection given to her by Allah (SWT). She has the right to marry the person of her choice but she should go about it the right away ensuring the pleasure and blessings of Allah (SWT). The Ulamah at the Shariah council will discuss the matter with her father and may help in convincing him so there is nothing in seeking the consultation with Ulamah but good.
You seem to be affected by the situation of Khadeeja on facebook and the hardship which she is enduring. My daughter, first and foremost adhere to the advice of Shaykh (Maulana) Ashraf Ali Thanwi (RA) who said:
If a person comes to you with one of his eyeballs in his hand claiming that so and so has done it. Don’t believe it until you hear the other side of the story because it could be that he removed the eye of the other person and in retaliation he punched and removed his eye and now he has come to you with a complaint!
I fully understand that the plight of Khadeeja as she has written it, it has affected you, Make dua for her, console her, comfort her but neither judge her nor issue a judgement. It is easy for someone to create an ID online and post a story. You are neither in a position to verify nor arbitrate and if you decide to favour one party over another based on reading a facebook wall or a post online then know that you have been emotionally affected. Detach yourself (emotionally) so you can retain your thinking and give the best advice.
The solution is to refer Khadeeja to Ulamah and an Islamic Shariah council and let them advise after correctly checking and ascertaining her circumstances. Since I don’t know whether Kahdeeja is based in USA or UK, I will give you both.
1 UK
a Islamic Shariah Council (UK): Maulana Ijaz can be contacted in Dewsbury on +44 (1924) 464-122 between the hours of 09:30-12:30
2 USA
a Rahmat-e-Alam Foundation (Chicago): 7045 N. Western Avenue, Chicago, IL 60645 Telephone: (773)764-8274/Fax: (773)764-8497.
b Shariah Board of New York: 57-16 37th Avenue Woodside, NY 11365. Telephone: (718)426-3454
c Darul Uloom Al Islamiyah Sacramento (California): 7285 25th Street, Sacramento, CA, 95822 Tel: (916)424-4770
d Mufti Ikraum Haq (Rhode Island): 40 Sayles Hill Rd North Smithfield, RI 02896, Phone: 401-762-0107/Fax: 401-762-0107
e Darul-Qasim (Chicago): 999 North Main St. Suite 108 Glen Ellyn, IL 60137
My daughter, in short what I am trying to say is that no new Deen has come and no new guidance has been revealed just because I have bought you a new phone and a laptop. The principles of Islamic Shariah remain the same:
1 Don't trust everything you read on the Internet!
2 Don't trust everyone who claims to be a Shaykh on the Internet!
3 Learn to trust and refer your matters to Ulamah & Mashaykh whom you can verify and whom others have issued a judgment (of trust) upon.
The difference between instant Internet celebrities and real Ulamah and Mashaykh can be beautifully gleaned from these verses of the Qur’aan:
[14:24] Have you not seen how Allah has set forth a parable: A good word is like a good tree, having its root firm and its branches in the sky. [14:25] It brings its fruits at all times with the will of its Lord. Allah sets forth the parables for the people, so that they may take lesson. [14:26] And the parable of a bad word is like a bad tree, removed from the top of the soil, having no firm root.
The 24/7 switched on world of the Internet and tweets of the unknown cannot be compared to the sincere efforts of those Ulamah and Mashaykh who sacrificed all to teach us our religion. Your father always considered it a source of pride to sit at the feet of the Ulamah and Mashaykh to gain his Islam and I strongly advise you to do the same.
There is nothing which I have seen in the past few decades, before and after your birth which has convinced me to change my mind. However, I have witnessed hundreds of sensational speakers and writers come and go!
Adopt and adhere to the Taqwa of Allah (SWT) because it will save you and deliver you from all your problems:
[65:2]...Whoever fears Allah, He brings forth a way out for him, [65:3] and provides him (with what he needs) from where he does not even imagine. And whoever places his trust in Allah, He is sufficient for him. Surely Allah is to accomplish His purpose. Allah has set a measure for every thing.
May Allah (SWT) keep both of us firm on the straight path until our end (Ameen).
Always rememer your father in your duas.
Asslamo Allaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
W.Salam,
Yes will do on my own daughter when she is ready, Insha'Allah because its a wonderful advice. Please do read it with an eye for errors so it can be improved.
Jazakallahu Khairun
This cannot be undone and I am sure it will be greatly appreciated.
Please wait...
