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abu mohammed, member2, Yasin, super-glue
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#46 [Permalink] Posted on 23rd May 2021 20:29
Rajab wrote:
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What method would you suggest for someone who is not allowed to talk to the prospective spouse and nor is there a common aquaintance who can tell them the real character of a person...and yet the proposal as sister bint aisha says, is appropriate in every way

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#47 [Permalink] Posted on 23rd May 2021 20:44
ummi taalib wrote:
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Its problematic when they are not allowed to completely talk to each other. Basic Q & A in an open room should be allowed.
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#48 [Permalink] Posted on 23rd May 2021 21:02
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Very true brother. Jzk

I would suggest (taking into consideration the two Hadith already mentioned about piety and Qadr) one more lesson.

Tie the camel first, then leave your trust in Allah!

So I'm going to tell this sister, do the necessary investigation. So much so that you are sure and satisfied with the blessings of Allah.

One can tie a camel with a thread, string, rope or chains. What would be the best thing to use? Whatever is secure.

No one will tie their camel with a thread and then leave it to Allah. That's just plain silly
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#49 [Permalink] Posted on 23rd May 2021 21:51
abu mohammed wrote:
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I should frame this hadith in my living room. Puts all the worries at ease.
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#50 [Permalink] Posted on 24th May 2021 00:31
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#51 [Permalink] Posted on 25th May 2021 07:06
When it comes to looking at the religious characteristics of a potential spouse, it is easy to just focus on the external appearance (beard, clothing etc.) and ask a few basic questions such as whether or not they pray regularly etc. However, an important point that shouldn't be overlooked is to find out where they get their religious guidance from. Whether or not they consult Ulama of a particular madhab, manhaj etc. If this is followed, this can prevent many arguments in future.

A very simple example would be this:

At the time of marriage, the wife moves into the apartment that the husband has been renting. There is no talk of buying a house. However, a few years later, the husband wants to buy a house on mortgage. The wife opposes it due to the un-Islamic features such as interest. She follows traditional Ulama who support her stance, but the husband is used to seeking out fatwas from liberal scholars who "halalize" most things.
Now there is a conflict between husband and wife. When she was getting married, the woman hadn't even thought that such an issue could arise.
Similarly, there can be countless religious issues where there could be a conflict so best to marry someone whose approach to seeking religious guidance and fatwas is similar to yours.

Another point:

Some people who outwardly follow the Sunnah may not even have correct aqeedah. Not too long ago, I read a person's comment on Facebook where he criticized Hazrat Muawiya رضي الله عنه. When I checked out his profile, I saw other posts too which displayed a similar attitude. However, this person had a full Sunnah beard.

Followers of people such as Engineer Ali Mirza may have beards and the women may cover themselves properly but the aqeedah could be corrupt and even their approach to Fiqh can be problematic.

So while external appearance and adherence to Shariah is important, one needs to go beneath the surface level and find out more.
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