Domestic Violence - Are you a Victim?

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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 13:08

Violence in the home is a crime we are all becoming more aware of each year. In the UK a quarter of all reported violent crimes are domestic. In the US the estimate of the number ranges from 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former partner to four million each year. But domestic violence is also a world-wide problem. What is violence - or abuse? It is about power, and this can be about controlling a partner by either physical or emotional abuse. It is rarely a one-off event. There are also many different forms of abuse, and physical attack is only one of them. Perhaps most of us think of a black eye or broken arm,but s-- can be used as a way of dominating a partner. So can ridicule. So can control of family finance. So, too, can shouting and screaming,swearing calling names.
Violence against women is only part of the problem. It is sometimes the woman who is violent towards her man. This is known as the hidden side of domestic violence. For a man to be on the receiving end of abuse is often seen as a comic situation, and sadly this adds to the reluctance men have to come forward and speak about it. But it happens all the same. The humiliation which accompanies this abuse makes it just as hard for men to break free and seek help.If there are children in a relationship this brings with it added worries. All research shows that if children witness their parents' marital discord and fighting, this will affect them deeply and their emotional well-being will be harmed. They will be scared by what they see and hear. Don't trick yourself into believing that they do not notice, or will not be affected by it.
A husband who is emotionally abusive often plays games with the victims mind calling her names or telling her shes a bad mother or a bad person, He may tell her how to dress, how to wear her hair, how to clean their house & may decide whether she can go to the store. Typically, he criticizes her, degrades her & humiliates her.

What advice do you have for those women who are abused by their husbands and what advice would you give a husband who gets abused by his wife?

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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 13:25

Sadly enough, I have met women who have accepted their husbands' verbal abuse as normal, or something to be expected and somehow tolerated. The verbally abusive husband would tell his wife that if she would only change such and such, then things would be okay. Indeed, he wouldn't feel compelled to shout obscenities at her. He wouldn't feel compelled to call her names. He wouldn't feel compelled to denigrate everything she did, either.Too many women accept men's excuses for their verbal abuse. They don't realize that some men will always engage in verbal abuse no matter how closely their wives adhere to these men's wishes and demands.Yes, some men will always come up with things their wives did or didn't do that are fitting as excuses for their abuses.Perhaps the woman didn't do this week the very thing that last week, he condemned her for doing. In other words, with this type of man, the rules appear to always be changing. The thing is, this type of man doesn't live by the rules his codependent wife does. Because she doesn't understand this, she will remain confused. Why does he keep verbally abusing her when she tries so hard to please him? Can't he see she is practically killing herself to do so?These nice codependent wives remain committed to their pleasing behaviors because they most certainly are motivated to try and fulfill their husbands' desires. The thing is, many of these men use verbal abuse and other forms of abuse to control their wives. They do all this quite intentionally.And what if she tries to step beyond her codependency, and she tells him she won't accept his verbal abuse any longer? Well again, he might puff out his chest, glare at her, and escalate the extent and force of his abusive words. He also might break into a narcissistic rage: How dare she try and make the rules? Doesn't she understand her place?

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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 14:12

I think you should add a third option in the polls.

Domestic Violence in a Muslim Family, never heard of it?

Then InshaAllah I can put my vote in.

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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 14:53

Violence against men, women, and children is unacceptable in Islamic Law and is considered a sin. A person who chooses to be violent to others will be held responsible and accountable in this life as well as in the Hereafter. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "The best among you is the one who is best for his family." A man who resorts to violence is not only committing a crime in the legal sense but triggers the wrath of God and exposes himself to divine punishment.The Q'uran stresses in several verses that every individual is responsible for his or her own actions. For example:

Every person is a pledge for what he or she has earned (74:38).

Each woman has the right to live in dignity and respect, free of humiliation and she must be protected from any harm that might befall her or her family.

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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 16:08

"abu mohammed" wrote:

I think you should add a third option in the polls. Domestic Violence in a Muslim Family, never heard of it? Then InshaAllah I can put my vote in.

Jazakallah, now its a little more fair. I have voted for option 4, just kidding.

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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 16:35

Asslamo Allaikum,

If we are going to discuss Islam then we need to define what is "Domestic Violence" according to Islam?

Jazakullah Khairun

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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 16:47

abu mohammed wrote:

"abu mohammed" wrote:

I think you should add a third option in the polls. Domestic Violence in a Muslim Family, never heard of it? Then InshaAllah I can put my vote in.

Jazakallah, now its a little more fair. I have voted for option 4, just kidding.

lol well some one has..must come from a very loving home,lol

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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 16:53

"sister-in-islam" wrote:

"abu mohammed" wrote:

I think you should add a third option in the polls. Domestic Violence in a Muslim Family, never heard of it? Then InshaAllah I can put my vote in.

Jazakallah, now its a little more fair. I have voted for option 4, just kidding.

lol well some one has..must come from a very loving home,lol

Its a shame, I'm not authorized to view the Jinn section, if there is one. LOL

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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 16:53

Muadh_Khan wrote:

Asslamo Allaikum, If we are going to discuss Islam then we need to define what is "Domestic Violence" according to Islam? Jazakullah Khairun

ok what is domestic violence according to islam?care to answer sir?

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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 18:02

"sister-in-islam" wrote:

"Muadh_Khan" wrote:

Asslamo Allaikum, If we are going to discuss Islam then we need to define what is "Domestic Violence" according to Islam? Jazakullah Khairun

ok what is domestic violence according to islam?care to answer sir?

Asslamo Allaikum,

I have no idea and thats what I am asking? And is it the same as what is defined in British Law?

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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 18:10

well ofcourse it is,your trying to tell you have never ever come across domestic violence in the muslim houses?

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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 18:45

Domestic Violence exists in all quarters of society. This tread was created to specifically address domestic violence within Muslim communities. This is not to say that domestic violence is a Muslim problem.It is naive at best and irresponsible at worst, to claim that domestic violence does not exist in our communities. Denying it does not make it go away.The husband himself may be the cause of an unhappy marriage. For example, he may be very stingy and miserly. He may also be very emotional and excitable. He may also be someone who is very harsh, tough and despotic. He may be one who forces his will and decisions upon his wife in every matter without consulting with her, taking into consideration her feelings, exchanging views on the matter and being pleasant with this wife. He might consider his wife like some kind of chattel [instead of another human]A disease that seems to afflict many men in their ability to be very kind and brotherly to their brothers but extremely cold and harsh towards their own wives. Obviously, their wives have more rights upon them than any of their brothers in Islam. This mistaken behavior must be corrected.infact you get some women who swear and insult husbands..i am not saying all husbands are in the wrong,you get women that are way out of line with their husbands..which ever way its not right.

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#13 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 19:15

Muadh_Khan wrote:

Asslamo Allaikum, If we are going to discuss Islam then we need to define what is "Domestic Violence" according to Islam? Jazakullah Khairun

assalaamu 'alaykum
Why do we need to address this question? We all know the Qur'anic verses and Ahaadeeth relating to kindness to women. So anything which goes beyond these limits set by Allah and His Rasool sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam is "domestic violence" - it now does not matter how domestic violence is defined by law.

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#14 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 19:23

Sad fact and i think i've mentioned it before. A revert sister, victim of abuse, reported it to the police after a lot of sabr. During the interview the police said to her that the majority of cases of domestic violence in our area are from muslim homes...she was shocked!

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#15 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 21:42

ummi taalib wrote:

Innaa lillahe wa innaa ilayhe raaje-oon.I find that very hard to believe. It could also be that the police were trying to put her off her newly embraced religion. Allahu alum. But looking at the poll results, I'm SHOCKED. Astagfirullah. I gues i dont like to gossip or eves drop or get involved with any one else, may be thats why i see things differently. That doesnt mean to say that every one else is gossiping etc.

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Domestic Violence - Are you a Victim?

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