RIGHTS OF CHILDREN
Children are a blessing from Allah. Being a parent is honourable. Allah ta’ala refers to children as a gift and gives glad tidings in the Quran. When we realise we have this gift, then we will value it. Once a person was gifted a hat. He thanked the giver many times. Haji Imadadullah Makki r.a said to him: “You thanked the creation of Allah many times. How many times did you thank Allah – The one who gave you the head that you place the hat on?”
Allah ta’ala sends down the rain, due to which we have many plants, olive trees, palm trees etc. Some plants are similar whereas others are different. Likewise, Allah blesses people with children, who are also similar and different. So, don’t compare your children with others. Like plants are different and unique in their own way, so is every child.
The Quran highlights Prophet Ibrahim a.s and Yaqub a.s as parents who had concern for their children. Few lessons we can take from these Prophets:
1. Be submissive to Allah ta’ala.Ibrahim a.s was tested with his father and his community. He was tested with leaving behind his wife and child in a barren land. He was tested with being asked to sacrifice his son. But despite these tests, he remained steadfast and submissive to Allah.
2. Lead by example. The first madrasah of a child is the home and the teachers are the parents. Children learn from our actions more than our words. It is easy to blame others or society for rebellious children but sometimes it is due to ourselves. Qari Tayyab r.a said, unlike rain, the environment at home is not out of our control.
3. Oversee children with technology. Giving a phone with internet at such young age is calling for trouble. Then we blame our children when they become disobedient.
4. Give time. When children speak to their parents, they do not look for a suitable time, they seek attention whenever they wish. When Yusuf a.s went to his father to narrate his dream, his father gave time and attention.
5. Do not criticise children harshly. The brothers of Yusuf a.s tried to kill him. No where in the Quran, will we find Yaqub a.s calling his sons evil or corrupt due to their actions, rather he said, ‘Shaytan is a clear enemy’. This is one of the fundamental rights of our children, no matter how evil their action may be, we still make dua for them.
6. Keep their trust. When a child tells you something, then keep it away from other children. Keep their trust. Yaqub a.s kept the trust and didn’t tell his other sons about the dream Yusuf a.s saw.
Scholars have said, if you do three things then you have fulfilled the rights of children:
1) Always train them to speak the truth
2) Train them to pray 5 times daily
3) Create a sense of zeal for khidmah (helping others)
We should make children realise the reality of life such as with visits to the graveyard. Today we know what is qiyamah but we don’t remember qiyamah. We must lead by example and give time to our children. We should never forsake our children regardless of how evil their actions become. We should not make bad dua against our child.
Be mindful of your own action for there are consequences. Fudaly ibn ‘Iyad said, “Whenever I have disobeyed Allah, I have seen that impact on my children, my wife and even my mount.’’
[The above is an edited transcript from a lecture by Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Nawab حفظه الله]
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