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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 31st October 2015 04:17
I have recently done nikkah with a man who was very keen to get married with me as soon as possible.
Supportive but always a little reluctant of my independence, education and biggest of all, staying away from him after marriage to persue education and immigration procedure of another country that he had no interest.
It was mentioned before nikkah that me and my family are not in a hurry to get married but it was politely asked to do nikkah so some paperwork can be arranged while I am studying abroad.
Just less than a month into the nikkah, my husband has almost completely changed in the ways he used to communicate with me and uses islam and his rights to show his dislike in me pursuing my studies and wanting to file for immigration process after my education. He holds nationality of another country and he is willing to get me that country passport. Trouble is he is away from his country because of job so the immigration gets tougher for me if he is not in his native country.
To resolve this he said whenever he finally decides to move back to his own country he will take me there then. All its seems is he wants me to be with him. My career, education or whatsoever does not seem to matter to him. And I fear in long run if something bad happens inrelationship May Allah forbid, I do not even have the security of any kind.
He doesn't want to support the idea of long distance marriage even though he is a very well settled job where he can get paid holidays to visit me almost every month or so.
From the start of this relationship, it has always been portrayed that everything is being done for me but I don't seem to be involved in any of the decision he makes.
When it comes to it, he says he is the husband and sees what is best for family in long run and how me being away will affect the marriage.
However I think differently and I tried to reason in best ways possible but it seems that he is firm on it. He even emotionally and verbally abused me and I am mentally so affected by all this sudden change of events in such a short time.
I am unsure of what to do in the light of islam.
He has a huge past baggage that I accepted and supported because I am God fearing human being. But my passion and thoughts have not even been tried to meet midway. I have struggled many years and lots of resources and time has been spent to see me where I am today. If I leave all for this marriage to work which looks doomed in such a short period, I am unsure if losing my whole personality would let me give the best to my marriage.it seems I am moving mountains for a person who would not even more a needle for me.
I am considering my most feared option ever is to seperate because issues keep rising on top of eachother, trivial but as if this is something he is also anticipating.
And if this is the beginning, I don't know how further issues are going to be resolved. Its only nikkah done and I dont know what will happen when I start living with him.
Please advice in the light of quran and sahih hadeeth on this regard as soon as possible.
JazakAllah khair!
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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 31st October 2015 06:16
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He doesn't want to support the idea of long distance marriage even though he is a very well settled job where he can get paid holidays to visit me almost every month or so.


The concept of "long distance marriage" would have been clearly discussed before marriage.

Now the situation has come; You have to chose between your 'marriage' and 'passion for your career'.

May Allah SWT guide you towards what is best for you in duniya and in aakhirah. Aameen
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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 31st October 2015 06:21
WasSalaam sister, I would suggest you personally make contact with reputable Ulama and seek their advice.

If you wish to ask Ulama from outside your locality, then I would suggest trying Ulama of the UK, like Mufti Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf, Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam etc who specialize in such fields.
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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 31st October 2015 06:22
Here in India many girls suffer. The groom promises that he will get family visa for bride and delays it for years. Won't visit the bride for a year or two.

If facts are not disclosed before marriage, then it is breach of trust.
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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 31st October 2015 15:03
Guest-280325 wrote:
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This had been agreed that I will go for the PR but he encouraged me to go for immigration as well. Now he is going in several directions and I don't trust which one of the statement true.
I would have finished my studies and gone back and then done rest of the marriage bits and live with him. But now chain of events have somehow showed me he is not a man of his words. I am genuinely concerned if I have been conned in the name of islam. That, once I am married I would have no choice but adhere to my husband commands.
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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 31st October 2015 15:05
abu mohammed wrote:
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Thats a great suggestion. JazakAllah brother.
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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 31st October 2015 16:26
Seekingtruth wrote:
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Our prayers are with you. May Allah SWT guide you towards the solution.
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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 31st October 2015 19:07
if there are witnesses to the claims that he made prior to nikah then it MAY constitute as pre-nikah agreements. if that is the case then you may have a claim against him in front of a muslim judge. you need to check with an alim to see if you have such a claim.
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