Abused child. What to do?

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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 6th December 2014 02:28

salaam.

I know of a severely abused child who is being mentally/psychological tortured/abused every day of his life by his father. His father is one of the worse people you can come across and i say this without exaggeration. This has been going on more or less since he was a baby and it is just getting worse each day. He is around 10 years old and as he gets older the abuse is just getting worse. He is being mentally affected by this abuse and its a miracle that he has not been completely psychologically damaged - yet. I dont think ANYONE on this forum would be able to live his life the way he is. If any one if us were to find ourselves in his situation then we would leave. Unfortunately for him he cannot get up and leave. He is trapped without any means of escape. I have been told he has even made remarks about killing himself. No child should have to think like this.

His extended family are all just as selfish as each other, albeit not as psychotic as his father. They just want a quiet life and do not want to get involved. Their attitude is to just brush the problem under the carpet even though they know the extent of the abuse. His mother is also very selfish and has her own mental issues where she basically spends every penny she has on things she does not need to the point where she finds herself in financial difficulties and has to resort to borrowing money. Her financial difficulties are another hurdle in her making an attempt to leave. She has acknowledged and understands the issues of the abuse perfectly well, but through a combination of selfishness and fear of having to cope alone, she continues to remain married to the khabeeth who has made life a hell for their son. She is also on the receiving end of the abuse, but her son bears the brunt of it.

I am not going to list the type of things the father does, but if you were to know then i guarantee that you would be absolutely disgusted by him. You would be very hard pressed to find another person like him. He is the most despicable, pathetic, bullying coward you could ever meet.

This child needs help and i do not know how to do it without the cooperation of his family members. Just a couple of hours ago i was told of another incident of abuse that happened just yesterday, which is what prompted me to write this. I fear i may end up doing something out of desperation which may make matters worse. I sometimes feel that the child would be better off being put into a care home or something. I have also had my share of abuse when i was a child and many times i was at the point where i wanted to end my life and be free from the abuse, so i know exactly how he is feeling. Only difference with me is i had a very supportive extended family who i could turn to and who helped me as much as they were able to. This poor child is trapped in that situation each day of his life. His only respite is when he goes to school, but the mental trauma he sustains goes to school with him and affects him there as well.

Please advise me. Jazakallah khair.

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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 6th December 2014 05:41

Wasalam

Absolutely shocking and despicable behaviour

Akhi the way I see it is you have two options and I would utilise both of them

First is go to his school and have a word with his teacher and head teacher, I have heard where abuse is involved they have to get involved however you might have to press them to do so

Second option is 'childline', they deal with such cases, give them a bell and see what they suggest

That's all I can think of right now, may Allah make it easy for him. No child should feel the urge to end their life.

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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 6th December 2014 05:45

Third option is the police, but for that you'll have to file a complaint. Then they'll get social services involved and if they deem the parents unworthy of being parents they'll take the child of them and there's not a thing they can do if it comes to it.

Putting up with abuse is one thing, but when organisations/authorities get involved there will be a lot of stigma and emotional trauma that will come with it, at a such young age can the child deal with it ? Sadly a lot of the times cases get dragged parents don't suffer much as the children do, sad but true.

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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 6th December 2014 10:00

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You can just ring your local council and speak to some one in childrens social services. You dont need to identify yourself.

It is very courageous of you to take the first step most people in our community turn a blind eye in fear of what and who social services stand for.

Let me emphasize, social services do not take children away in such cases where parents cannot or are not coping they will put support in first. This is always the first step, but as a caller your evidence will have to be very convincing otherwise you may be seen as a phantom caller.

However, generally all calls have to be taken seriously, and the more information you can give the better.

All the best.

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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 6th December 2014 12:31

Report him ASAP. Such people make me sick.

My only concern would be the Deen of the child isn't compromised!

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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 6th December 2014 13:52

salaam

social services have already been involved with the family, but they have been satisfied that there is no cause for concern. they got involved because a teacher noticed a bruise on him. his father is not physically abusive and the bruise only happened accidentally. the real cause for concern is the mental abuse the child (and the rest of his immediate family) goes through.

another member of his extended family anonymously filed another report with social services on a later date. social services again got involved and after speaking to extended family members (who covered up everything) decided there is no cause for concern and closed the file.

i have enough information to prompt social services to investigate again, but i am worried about him being taken into care, and possibly his siblings being taken into care as well. even though he needs to be taken away from his father, he still needs to be with his mother and the rest of his family. also there is concern for his deen as well if he is taken away.

as for his deen, the poor child is a very good child who has never been given a chance in life. he loves to hear stories about the prophet (saw)

and sahaba (rd). but in his home islam and allah is only used as a means to threaten and mentally torture him. he is constantly told he is evil and will be going to jahannum. his father calls him the devil child to his face! what kind of a chance has he got in that situation? i have been told the child has used profanities and cursed allah in anger, but this is because he has been brought up made to believe that allah is his enemy and the only thing he can expect when he dies is jahannum. his father is a mushrik sufi who has a little shrine in his house consisting of his beardless peer's photo surrounded by flowers and incense etc which he sits in front of to do dhikr and muraqabah.

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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 6th December 2014 14:12

Children tend to lose deen when they are bought up with abusive parents who are meant to be on the deen anyway. The present situation will most likely cause the children to move away from deen.

I'm sorry deen isn't the issue here, it is the safety and well-being of the children....most children who are taken into care are taken in by Muslim foster parents on short term basis, unfortunately sometimes this is what it takes for parents to assess themselves and their situation, and losing their children soon makes them sort themselves out.

Seriously, read the effects such upbringing has on children and how they grow up to suffer from mental and other emotional disorders in adulthood. Forget deen, they will end up becoming dysfunctional individuals.

I know a 16yr old who won't set foot in a Masjid because of the torment he suffered at the hands of his father, he don't want nothing to do with religion, and he's still in his home. Although the father has left, it has left him with no self esteem or confidence.

If you wouldn't sit back and allow an animal to suffer cruelty ask yourself is a human life of lesser value?

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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 6th December 2014 15:36

Assalamua'laikum

Its difficult to tackle this issue legally. As Legal system doesn't get involved into social activities and usually suggest compromise.

If I were you, I would just tell him. Stop this non-sense to your child or you will suffer my psychopathic nature. If he didnt change still, i would show him what kind of psycho I am (of course in controlled emotions)

There is no other way. People who torture others can be stopped only by reverse torture.

Regards
Abdul

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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 6th December 2014 17:27

I can't stand the authorities some times.

They wait till it's too late then they open an investigation as to how the case slipped through their hands. Then all the tabloids take over and bingo, they get a raise in their funding so these errors aren't repeated.

How many more?

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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 6th December 2014 17:32

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if i had the support of his immediate family then it would be very easy to put an end to this by taking things into my own hands. but without them agreeing it would just cause more problems.

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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 7th December 2014 08:38

Report him, call me if you need help in how to proceed.

jzk

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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 7th December 2014 09:20

Immediate family will not support you, if anyone was bothered they would've taken some action themselves by now.

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#13 [Permalink] Posted on 7th December 2014 11:02

xs11ax wrote:

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Assalamua'laikum

No body on this bloody earth is going to help you on this. Everyone watching drama, they actually enjoy seeing him tortured and take it a chance to prove their children that we are not like his parents. Be thankful to us.

Just as brother Maudh said, talk to him and so something. Both of you are Brummies ? (Learnt about it few days back )

Regards
Abdul

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#14 [Permalink] Posted on 7th December 2014 18:29

Neither one of us is a Brummie, he is from the land of the "Kanjoos" the tight-fisted ones!

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#15 [Permalink] Posted on 8th December 2014 09:26

salaam

jazakallah khair for all the replies. i am still deciding what to do and what the best way to go about it is. please make dua.

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Abused child. What to do?

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