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how can i forgive?

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abu mohammed, Taalibah, True Life
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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 28th August 2014 22:10
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If someone has seriously wronged you, how and what can motivate you to forgive them?

I believe in 'forgive' but not in 'forgive and forget' but how is it possible...if you remember something which causes imense pain how can it lead to 'forgiveness' however i know it is possible because the prophets, sahabahs, pious predecessors were wronged and they were able to forgive, and move on.

Anything motivational in the right direction would be appreciated.
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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 28th August 2014 23:28
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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 28th August 2014 23:33
Jazakallah for the link, very beneficial.
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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 28th August 2014 23:37


Concentrate on the message in the second half, "Forgiven by Allah"
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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 28th August 2014 23:41
It's difficult but not impossible to forgive, but how to get rid of the bitterness and break free from resentment and anger caused by other persons bad behavior. Yes forgive, but how to get rid of the natural bad feeling.
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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 29th August 2014 08:41
^ Depends upon the degree of hurt caused.. Hazrat Wahshi ุฑุถูŠ ุงู„ู„ู‡ ุนู†ู‡ had assassinated the beloved uncle of our Prophet (saw) at uhud..

He had initially given orders that wahshi be killed.. but who could surpass him in kindness and benevolence amongst Men .. Karim ibn al Karim.. as he was rightly called.. He (saw) began to send messages to wahshi to accept Islam.. that he shall be forgiven..

When the hour came and Wahshi stood face to face.. he still asked him.. how did u kill my uncle.. as he described the events.. tears rolled the eyes of His beautiful face.. it had been 7 years and the grief was still there..

He told Hazrat Wahshi ุฑุถูŠ ุงู„ู„ู‡ ุนู†ู‡ who had now accepted Islam (the meaning of which).. that May Allah سبحانه وتعالى forgive you.. just dont show me your face again..that by looking at you.. my grief returns..

So the Prophet (saw) did forgive him.. yet could not bear to see his face..


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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 29th August 2014 08:53
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Yep I know how that feels, suppose I have no duty or obligation to this person anymore, so not to see them would be very beneficial.

But the hurt and memories are painful, if the prophet sallallahualayhiwassalam was effected we are not going to be immune, I'm hoping time will heal the pain.

Thinking of the past of painful events they are no longer significant, inshaallah hoping this will also become one of those painful incidents of the past, just a memory, nothing more nothing less.

Duas requested for good akhlaq and best of both worlds. Jazakallah for all the responses on here, very much appreciated.
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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 29th August 2014 09:06
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Time does heal.. & we are humans having pain..grief.. happiness.. its better to sink those unpleasant figments of past down the ocean bed of our memories.. let it rest there.. peacefully..

May Allah سبحانه وتعالى help ease ur sorrows and guide u through thick and thin.. Ameen..

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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 29th August 2014 10:41
Do not force yourself to "Forgive & Forget", especially if the pain and grief is too immense. Just distance yourself from that particular person, situation, surrounding and any feelings of revenge or wishing bad for the person. Don't entertain too much thoughts about it in your mind and slowly slowly bury the memory of it in the soil of time. Insha'Allah, one day you'll be able to forget to some extent and then eventually also forgive. It doesn't have to happen NOW and you don't have to force it.

Of course many Ahadith encourage to clean your heart from any ranchor or ill-feelings, but that does not mean that with it in serious cases the sorrow/grief disappears. And if simply forgiving like nothing happened was obligatory on every wronged person, then our Shariah would not have emphasised so much on the wrongdoer to actively seek forgiveness from the wronged. Of course it is superior and very virtous, but if you are not able to then DON'T. Seriusly wronged individuals in our communities need to first of all be comforted and not pressurized into doing something which their current condition does not allow, and then eventually even feel themselves bad about it.

Just my unqualified two cents...
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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 29th August 2014 10:57
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Jazakallah

I've not yet been able to forgive yet but reading the replies on here I know it is possible, this person has destroyed my emotional and physical wellbeing, I think it will only be possible once I've moved on, but moving on from the past is challenging but I have hope it will be achievable.

Im scared of my experience with this person destroying my outlook on other people, I don't want to become a negative person with a pessimistic outlook.

I'm hoping my experiences to make me stronger and not make me a resentful and angry individual, because that will only destroy my deen and make me a miserable person. With this person out of my life I feel I've been given a second chance in life to rebuild it and concentrate on my akhirah.

Like they say a blessing in disguise, and all that is good is disguised by trials and tribulations. Btw, that's me counselling myself.
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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 29th August 2014 11:35
Sister, try to participate in the ghusl of a dead one, ุฅู† ุดุงู“ุก ุงู„ู„ู‡ then you'd understand that nothing else matters but that its better to be on the losing side and while in this world.

Deeply focus on death.
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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 29th August 2014 11:45
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I did participate in my mother's Ghusl not so long so I know what you mean, it's so true nothing in life matters, at the end of the day were all going to be buried 6ft under, nothing in the world will matter.
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