How to deal with egoistic people?!

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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 02:36

السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

I came across egoistic people (off line and online), I was thinking how to deal with them. seriously, it's really really hard to deal with them. Still failed to find the solution!!

Egoistic people don't know that they are egoistic, what a pity they have no chance to correct themselves, as they are completely unaware of their ego, just because of their ego which doesn't let them know.

If you only know some of ego's actions and reactions but not what it is, Ego will trip you up every time. For you as an egoistic you're right and the world is wrong. You even don't know when due to your ego you pick holes and highlight weak points in others, how every single word of criticism and insult feels like a stab in others heart which hurts a lot, but they would just laugh it off, and your hard heart never get affected, you don't care, you feel you're above all as you just set others straight, you have no shame no embarrassment, whilst on the other hand others would feel guilty of their actions and start doubting themselves even if they have not done anything wrong. I call your very attention to ego, please be egoless, beware of your ego please for the sake of Allah.

I don't find any solution how to deal with egoist people, so I'd have to continue to live with their ego (to see miracles :P) or if possible will have to ignore them. Or what else could we do?

I fear Satan is developing hatred inside me for egoistic people. Oh god, how to overcome this??? I personally seem to have lost the love and respect for egoistic people. I'll try my best to keep them ignoring unless they give up their ego and STOP finding faults with others. I'll just pray, may Allah guide them. Ameen.

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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 02:55

I feel if we adopt the Akhlaq of Rasool SAW while dealing with them and making dua for them in seclusion.

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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 03:22

As far as possible, you should try to stop hatred and bughd from forming in your heart regarding these people. Keep your heart clean from such vices as far as possible. Even though bughd is allowed in certain circumstances, this is not one of them.

If would advise the following:

If the person is family, then do not cut off any interactions with them. Rather show the best akhlaaq you can possibly have with them. Its going to be hard, but thats why there is so much reward in it. Having excellent akhlaaq with a polite person is easy, its when you're dealing with an arrogant/jaahil/egotistic fool is when it gets hard, and thats where the real reward is. Anytime you have the opportunity to help them in any way, be the first to jump to it. Don't let any opportunity to show excellent character slip by. If they abuse you, or are impolite to you, have patience and stay strong. Develop thick skin, and just take it. The prophets 'alayhimus salaam had to go through much worse taunts and jabs.

If the person is not family, then avoid interaction with them, unless you have a chance of showing good akhlaaq and adab. Other than that, avoid them, and your absence from them may trigger something. If you think telling them about their problem will bring them closer to islah, then advise them politely. If not, leave it.

Last of all, analyze your own faults. Sometimes we spend so much time looking at the faults of others, we fail to see our own. Knowing our own faults will help us see the good in others, and protect us from becoming arrogant.

A reminder to myself, first and foremost.

May Allah protect us from ego and egotistic people. Ameen.

Wallahu Ta'aala Alam.

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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 04:18

Inna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji'oon

I'm also included in this category. May Allaah سبحانه وتعالى forgive me.

My request to others: please inform me when I do something wrong because my ego might make me blind. This is indeed the greatest favour.

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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 06:30

Salaamualaikum warahmattullah

The way to deal with egotistical people is not to associate with them and if one is compelled then make it brief. Have sabr and pray for their reformation as well as to keep in mind that we all can become ego minded or worse. Easier said then done but we all have to try our best. May allah save us all. Ameen

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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 07:01

Quote:

Last of all, analyze your own faults. Sometimes we spend so much time looking at the faults of others, we fail to see our own. Knowing our own faults will help us see the good in others, and protect us from becoming arrogant.

This is very effective. But most of us don't have this habit.
Most of the faults we find in other people, we have it in ourselves. We go an extra mile to correct other, while we do not rectify ourselves.

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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 08:27

I posted this in "Words of Wisdom" thread:

Rasulullaah (saw)

said: A person sees a straw in the eye of his brother, but neglects to see a log in his own eye. (Ibne Hibban)

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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 10:00

Actually we need to think about who/what an egotistical person is? Shaykh (Maulana) Ashraf Ali Thanwi (RA) was regarded by many as egotisitical because:

He stuck to appointments
He stuck to the point
He spoke plainly and clearly

When we visit Khanqah Ashrafiyyah Akhtariyyah (UK) we see that everything runs on time and people are required to have an appointment to speak to the Shaykh and food is on time and nobody loiters around.

This is unlike most Deobandi Masajid and Madaris where people just do whatever they want, whenever they want so is Shaykh (Mufti) Zubair Dudha (HA) egotistical or merely following his Mashaykh?

Shaykh (Mufti) Rasheed Ahmed Ludhyanwi (RA) also wrote in his book that people regarded him as egotistical.

In today's world the minute you ask people to cut to the chase, be brief, be linear (in conversation); you are automatically branded as egotistical and a person with extremely bad Akhlaaq. Nobody cares about the fact that you have so many people to answer to and serve in a day.

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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 11:19

but bro muadh the way of the akabireen in general is one of tolerance in general. Some mashaikh may be strict and that is fine as well and works for some. Many mashaikh need to smile more, be more welcoming and grill mureeds only and not the general people. I'm not saying we become like the hippie types but a good example of how to behave would be shaykh hasan tai db. An empitome of humility, kindness, smiling etc.

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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 12:35

Sister maria,

1. Make loads of duas, may Allah grant them aajzi with aafiyah. And other duas
2. Be v kind with them, make them feel u love them and care for them.
3. Remembr nothing is impossible.
3.5. Give them hadya of Azkaar
4. Its not a battle, even if it seems like one from their side, let them feel, you dont need to win.
5. A person on Haq keeps quiet, an angel wud be answerin from his side
And if he says somethn bad too then shaytan wud start answerin for him,
My sister do u want shaytan to be ur companion?
6.Sabr, sabr Sabr
7. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah

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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 13:51

1: Ego is the innate asset of human beings but the strata of ego varies from person to person. It's to be seen that how much we've subdued it or vice versa.

Inward-Hauteur is the integral part of ego that wants to be satisfied; and it, being covered with superficial humility, often, makes us believe that we are humble; but when someone slanders or even refutes us, our haughtines comes out of slumber and displays our reality.

Hazrat Molana Rashid Ahmad Gangohi rh.a said to his Shaikh Haji sb rh., ''Hazrat, praise and slander are now equal''

(He said- if somebody praises me, it doesn't pleases me or if someone slanders or abuses me it doesn't irk me at all)

Are we on this stage?
No....? Then we're also egoistic.

2: Try to avoid him.
Or
Treat him with good conduct.

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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 14:29

Jazakumullahu khair all.

Arslan wrote:

Bllack Turban wrote:

My request to others: please inform me when I do something wrong because my ego might make me blind. This is indeed the greatest favour.

Alhamdulillah. May Allah keep you stead fast upon your humility with Ikhlas. Ameen.

[quote=Muslimah11"] Sabr, sabr Sabr

May it be so.

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#13 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 17:30

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salaam

sometimes it may be our own ego that does not let us see beyond what we perceive to be someone elses ego?

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#14 [Permalink] Posted on 21st March 2014 18:40

Black Turban wrote:

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"I'm also included in this category."

Maria al-Qibtiyya: "Egoistic people don't know that they are egoistic"

So clearly you're not. Stop seeking attention :)

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I am not a Mufti

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#15 [Permalink] Posted on 22nd March 2014 00:09

Yasin wrote:

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So if its not his ego then what has made him blind ......?

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How to deal with egoistic people?!

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