Mendhi Parties

Salams
This topic has been on my mind for a while now but I haven't really found the the time to write it up properly as a blog post. This is why I decided to post it up here, so we can view some different opinions and views on the matter as well.

Mendhi or Mehndi parties seem to be a very common part of the wedding preparations or celebrations in asian culture. As time has gone by they have been perceived by some as being an Islamic thing.

In some cases Muslims can spend large sums of money on these Mehndi parties (for sure some people have probably had even cheaper weddings). In my youth I recall a friend telling me of a Mendhi where a hall was hired for the occasion, music was played, men and women freely mixed and dancing even took place. Whilst most may not go this extreme, they instead have a video showing the blushing bride as she has Mendhi applied to her uncovered lower legs and arms. This video is then circulated amongst the hands of all and sundry of her family and friends circle, and therefore inevitably watched by many non mahrams to the bride.

What really worried me and caused me to consider writing a piece on the subject was that I was informed that on one occasion because the bride had mendhi on her hands, she saw fit to perform tayammum only and then performed her salaah. Another incident mentioned that the bride performed her Isha salaah before Isha time actually commenced because the lady to apply mendhi had arrived and previously recommended to her it needs to be on for so many hours to give proper colour.

The purpose of Mendhi, I assume, on this occasion is to beautify oneself for their future husband. How can one ever displease Allah swt by flouting His command and sacred laws for the sake of pleasing her future husband? In any case, is there no workable solution where one can put mendhi on without compromising their obligations to the deen? Here I will stop and invite you to leave your comments, stories, views and criticisms regarding what I have written above.

Wasalam

I think the problem in todays day and age is the fact that people are not concerned with the ways the prophet and his sunnah. It's a shame to see that people are going to desperate lengths to please the family and please oneself before pleasing Allah . I totally agree with you, and I can totally understand where you are coming from because I've seen it myself. Alot of fitna that takes place in todays day and age are at the unsegregated weddings.

A similar discussion is here. Please feel free to add your thoughts and comments here too.I have moved your post to 'People's Say'.

Weddings in todays day and age are celebrated to such an extent that it goes against alot of the teachings of the prophet . A great example of how weddings should be practise canbe seen here.

Jazak'Allah khair for sharing your thoughts with us.

Please remember me in your duaas.

Wassalam

Wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah

Jazakallah Khair...I totaly agree ( Maybe a post on it on ur blog Inshallah?)

Muslimah_89...I couldn't have said it more better..yup we've seen it over and over again and the worst thing is that it's a re-occuring thing, it happens over and over and nobody will say anything about it which is why I am glad the topic has been raised Alhamdullilah.

Before I begin...any good that I may mention is purely and soley from Allah Ta'ala and any bad is indeed from my nafs and the shaytaan..please make dua for me.

Well my views...(bcuz I do feel quite strongly about what happens in these gatherings)

Firstly, I don't understand the concept of blessing ur marriage with the the worst ingredients ever i.e. The athaan of the shaytaan (music) as Hadhrat Shaykh Asif Hussain Farooqui put it , dancing, missing Salah or looking for excuses because you have mehndi on your hands...May Allah Ta'ala save us from this ( I speak to myself first), applying mehndi isn't even a nafil act and doesn't gather any thawab! So whats the point of missing a fard for something that isn't even neccesary...

I heard a bayaan a while ago and noted down some points which I was going to use to write a post on my blog however since the issue has been raised I'll mention the points here anyway Inshallah...

Well the shaykh mentioned that most aspects of our deen are based on pillars e.g. The five pillars of Islam, the six conditions of shahada etc He then mentioned that even with marriage there are pillars and if these pillars are adhered to they will result in a successful marriage Inshallah...

There are 10 pillars which are as follows:

1. Islam 2. Love 3. Taqwa 4.Forgiveness 5. Mercy

6. Co-operation 7. Unselfishness 8. Trust 9. Respect

10. Secrecy

Well looking at these points I think we can all agree that the most important point is the first i.e Islam. The shaykh mentioned that the more Islam there is in a marriage the better the marriage will be..so why would someone want to start off their marriage on the wrong foot by steering away from the islam that will always be there just for the enjoyment that will only last a max of one day or a couple of hours!

I think it's important to remember that marriage is a blessing to us from Allah Ta'ala and that by getting married we are completing half of our deen and it is a bond that should ultimately be based on the foundation of seeking the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala....by participating in such activities we are in essence taking away all the barakah all the bushra that has been given to couple by Allah Ta'ala...

I pray that I may act on all that I have said and that every marriage is based on the foundation of seeking the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala. Ameen.

Duas requested,

Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

good topic... insha'Allah we can all learn something from it.

Sister Mujahidah what you relayed was nothing short of masha'Allah..its true:"The shaykh mentioned that the more Islam there is in a marriage the better the marriage will be..so why would someone want to start off their marriage on the wrong foot by steering away from the islam that will always be there just for the enjoyment that will only last a max of one day or a couple of hours!"

Sister Umm Zahra, i agree..its sad people don't have much concern for the sunnah way of marriage... but alhamdulillah i see this is a trend that is changing.. people are leaning more and more towards the sunnah...insha'Allah alhamdulillah... "...And you see that the people enter Allah's religion in crowds, So glorify the Praises of your Lord, and ask for His Forgiveness. Verily, He is the One Who accepts the repentance and forgives. "-surah an Nasr 2-3... i think compared to 20 years ago 10 years ago or what have you we as an ummah are doing somewhat better...alhamdulillah..

I think 'mehndi' parties are a waste of money, time, effort, and in totality lack any form of barakah ...even if it is with sisters only... if theres music...theres problems. And also even if its just sisters..sometimes sisters even forget that we have to have hayaan infront of our sisters too, not jsut the brothers..and lastly.. Who is more deserving of our hayaa/modesty than Allah.. none.

Brother Ahmeduk mentioned that some brides have their mehndi schedules interfere with salah time.. how sad is it that we have to schedule our salah around our day.. rather as Shaykh Husain Abdul Sattar [www.sacredlearning.org], may Allah increase him, once said "Schedule your day around your salah" insha'allah this puts more barakah in your day, and your bound to make your salah on time...besides its a command from Allah, it takes preferance over others.

Sorry went off on a tangent.. but if any sisters run into this issue of salah/mehndi..you've got a few options..

1)if you knwo your going to run into salah time...make wudhu b4hand and make sure u keep it.... as far as i know mehndi is pure so it shouldnt be an issue to pray with it...(?..sum1 PLEASE feel free to correct me)

2)you can wipe the menhdi off.

3)Get it done after isha so u can sleep with it [sleep asap after] and rise up for tahjjud/fajr and wash it off then

4)SIMPLY CHANGE THE TIME YOU'RE GETTING IT DONE!

Mehdni isn't an issue folks..its our lack of taqwa. if we can schedule around children, guests, school and work..then we can surely schedule around mehndi!

On another note mehndi parties.. to each his own... if you want to have a small get together as a means for just sisters and the bride tp be together b4 she gets married off and leaves her friends forever [as some think] then have a small get together, talk amongst yourselves, invite an alimah to speak/give a small dars on marriage etc if you wish, play halal nasheeds, and insha'Allah you will rem that as good times.....

khayr..more later maybe.. duas

wasalam'mal ikram

Jazakallah khair ukhti for that wonderful insight and to ur suggestions...Mashallah...

I agree...A small talk by an aalimah is a great idea the amout of knowledge gained from a small bayaan will be priceless not only for the bride-to-be but also for the sisters attending the gathering...changing the time that you get your mehndi done can solve a million problems!

Jazakallah khaira :)

Duas needed as always

Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

Alhamdulilah that's an excellent idea you have put forward..I'd love to have a group of sisters get together and have an Aalimah give a halaqa..it'd be lovely.

Jazak'Allah khaira for the excellent idea :)

Wassalamualaykum warahmatullah

lol :P

Duas :)

Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

Can I just add that although it may be 'unconventional' perhaps (especially in summer) mehndi could be applied right after Fajr and then it need not be removed until later into dhuhr time, and would cover about 6/7 hours at least (I think).

Anyway what I wanted to add to my first post
'At my friends Mehndhi, little girls made circles with candles around both bride and groom. People then put henna on the bride's hand and some oil on her hair. I asked my friend, "whats this for?" She shrugged and said, "I dont know". But it was just like a bollywood movie - music, dancing, fancy dresses and the whole works.' [Salam Magazine]

Duas requested please.
Wasalam

Another related point - use of the Daff. This seems to happen at some mehndi's / weddings (usually by a male ?). Can someone clarify when we can use it. I seem to follow the opinion of the ulema who state that the daff was used as a form of announcement and not as a form of entertainment. Therefore, even today, it is not permitted despite liberal minded muslims efforts to argue otherwise.

theres ikhtilaf on the daff, and i have read that mufti muhammad ibn adam says it's permissible... and others say it's not so i think it's best to just ask....

jazakallah

WS