Being a parent how does one face today’s challenges that are constantly increasing? We should be aware and possess knowledge about these. Now its not even limited to homosexuality there are so many new terms that are coming about. People are getting comfortable with these new terms. In the past, these terms were considered immoral, prohibited and obscene. Now its propagated this is people’s ‘preference’ and ‘choice’. Muslims such as us that had never researched these issues, had never contemplated over how can children be protected from this.
We are paralyzed and choose to be in state of fear. We don’t try to get awareness of the issue, we tell our children ‘its nothing’ despite our children are constantly being exposed to this.
First thing we need to understand is lot of research and work that is happening is there to support it. They have decided that we need to establish this universally so that its accepted. Everywhere you notice praise for this. But if look closely its not just the Muslims you will see in other religions, communities where this is being opposed and challenged.
The need that Allah has placed in every human being for intimacy. From research, we find that this initiates from early childhood, after time when they become a teenager it becomes well defined. What do we learn from this? In preparation for challenges our children are going to face, we don’t need to wait till they become teenagers. We are deluding ourselves thinking that my son is so innocent and my daughter doesn’t know anything. However they own a smart phone, watch every movie, every type of cartoon, they have snapchat, instagram. Do you really think there is nothing to be concerned about?
We hear about incidents in schools and institutions they are attending. When I hear in a reputed institution that a case like this happened, I am not surprised. Children have natural desires, they don’t have proper guidance or an outlet. Its not taught to them.
However if a child is provided right guidance, is physically active, has habit of fasting, is praying and needs not wants are being taken care then he will be able to exercise self restraint.
Instead, if the child is always in a state of comfort, with a smart phone and gets food per his liking. His parents buys as the child wishes any type of junk food whether its pizza, burger. If its cold outside, the room is nice and warm. If its hot outside, the room is cool. Whatever the child desires its given to him. This spoils and empowers desires in children such that they become spiritually weak and hard for them to exercise self restraint.
Brother, is it improper to allow children to indulge in halal "wants" such as toys their peers have if it is well within the parents' means to afford these things? How do we as parents recognise the line between "bukhl" and "israf"?
1) Is it needed? If not, it's Israaf.
2) If it's of benefit and you hold back, it's Bukhl.
3) If you question yourself about depriving them when you are capable of affording it, ask yourself what they're being deprived of. If the deprived thing is Halal, it's still Israaf if there's no need. If the deprived thing is Haraam then it's simply Haraam. If the deprived thing is mixed, i.e. depends on usage e.g. mobile phones, it should be regulated for their safety just like you'd regulate their time outdoors, where they go, how long, with whom etc. and it would be careless and questionable as a parent if it's not regulated.
Regulated means ensuring they don't waste time, energy, money and monitoring the usage in full. If the usage is Halaal, they'll have nothing to hide or to be worried about. If a modern parent is concerned about "giving children their privacy" they should first learn about what is acceptable as privacy and what is harmful before deciding what to do here.
This cannot be undone and I am sure it will be greatly appreciated.
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