Excerpt from Dr Kanwal Kaisser’s speeches on Marriage.

We come across the verse:

“And live with them in kindness” (4:19)

This instruction was given to men. That they should live (with their wives) in kindness. With love, affection and live in good manner.

Many amongst us may be thinking what is that verse? What number is it? Today I am going to go show this to my husband. But what if it was your son or brother. Will we teach this verse to him? “Son, take care of your wife”. Will a sister remind her brother “your mother is old she is not able to do a lot of things but be aware that your wife has rights over you as well”.

In those instances we will not mention this. We will conceal those verses (as it may be against one’s self interest).

Mothers tell their son “keep her straight, don’t become subservient to your wife”.

Sisters being critical, tell their brother “the way your wife deals with our parents, her behavior is unacceptable”.

Because we come across such situations that truly the husband and in-laws are horrible in their treatment that one becomes speechless.

Because whenever we look at marriage life, we have a very self-centered approach. I am excited to gain this knowledge so I can remind my spouse. But when I am playing a role of mother in law or sister in law, the means through which I can bring good to society we don’t think about that. We have to contemplate on this.

In moments of hardships in our marriage, should we only focus on our pain alone? No, we should focus in areas where we have influence on men in our families for example when we are the in-laws.

One should critically ask oneself in my relationships besides my spouse, am I doing something wrong?

In so many instances we see the same cycle being repeated in the same family, a victim in one relationship becomes a perpetrator in another relationship.

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