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Parents Shaming Children & Favoritism

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sharjan8643, bint e aisha
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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 3rd December 2021 01:49
This is an excerpt from one of Tariq Masood’s speeches. Its translated more or less meaning.

There are certain things that cannot be tolerated by children. If your child has any shortcoming, don’t go around singing to people about it. When child finds out that my parent is speaking ill about me to everyone. This is an opportunity for the devil to incite the child to rebel. The issues of home should be dealt at home not public. If you have someone close or confidant who will preserve everyone’s honor, you can confide in them that my child is not listening to me. But if you go around telling everyone that my child doesn’t listen to me, is disobedient etc. When children find out the devil incites them what’s the point of being obedient now given that your own parents have humiliated you?

The next mistake that parents do is child favoritism. This is major problem in society.

Narrated ‘Amir I heard An-Numan bin Bashir on the pulpit saying, “My father gave me a gift but Amra bint Rawaha (my mother) said that she would not agree to it unless he made Allah’s Messenger (saw) as a witness to it. So, my father went to Allah’s Messenger (saw) and said, ‘I have given a gift to my son from `Amra bint Rawaha, but she ordered me to make you as a witness to it, O Allah’s Messenger (saw)!’ Allah’s Messenger (saw) asked, ‘Have you given (the like of it) to everyone of your sons?’ He replied in the negative. Allah’s Messenger (saw) said, ‘Be afraid of Allah, and be just to your children.’ My father then returned and took back his gift.” (Bukhari)

What did Prophet (saw) categorize this as? Injustice. I live in this society. I have observed many mothers treat their children differently. I have seen fathers treat their children differently. One is so beloved that even the mistake is treated as good thing. While one child is disapproved such that even their good action is treated as bad one.

For example one political party views the leader’s good actions (opposing party) in negative light, it doesn’t matter even if they are valid good actions. The same way that there is this enmity or disagreement between political parties, this form of enmity can be witnessed between parents and children. One child’s incorrect actions are always taken as good actions. This raises hatred in the other child’s heart against the father. ‘This father is only his (favored sibling’s) father & not my father. He is treating me as such’. Mother also do this.

And which child is usually favored? With all due respect the one who brings the most money(self benefit). Among children, the one who brings the most money his past, present and future sins are forgiven in sight of parents. His minor, major, knowing and unknowingly , against the creation, against Allah all of these sins in the eyes of parent are forgiven! Why is this so? Because this child is giving me money.

If child is not providing money because he is miser. Then I understand the disapproval. But Allah is the one who holds treasures of sustenance. And sometimes the child doesn’t have the means, doing his best & not able to earn much. His salary is not that much. Now there is enmity because he doesn’t earn much.

In certain instances sons are always favored over daughters. I have seen this with father. He gives everything to sons doesn’t leave anything for the daughter.

Even conversing with your children it should be done with respect. I have seen my elders speak to children. ‘Son, come here. Son, come sit.’ If someone is characterless, they talk ‘Idiot where were you?’ So by doing this what are you are teaching to your child? If he has to constantly hear he is an idiot, he might start thinking he really is an idiot and start behaving as an idiot.
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