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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 8th December 2019 00:21
Salaam

I have told by a brother here about Astaghfar. I forgot the thread but i would ask here. I have started saying Astaghfar 100x daily Alhamdulillah. I use to think i have no spiritual diseases. But i have now confronted few. The big issue of which is Ego. Even though i have heard from near by people that i have so much ego. But i never felt the way i would blame others.

1- is it because of Astaghfar that i can see myself different than how i used to see earlier?

2- it was mentioned in thread that you can extend the quantity of Astaghfar after some period. Can I extend it to 300x daily? Would it make more difference?

3- i have been searching about Ego and how to fix it. But couldn’t find a shortcut. Could anyone please tell how can i fix it inshaAllah?


JazakAllah khair
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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 8th December 2019 00:56
Muslimah S wrote:
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You should ask one of your mahrams to refer your case to a scholar or reach out to female 'Alim.
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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 8th December 2019 01:27
Imam Ali wrote:
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sorry whats wrong if i get helped here?
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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 8th December 2019 07:22
Muslimah S wrote:
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Some matters are very deep and need personal in depth counselling. To get to the root cause, the spiritual doctor needs some factual circumstantial details which can't be shared publicly.

Also this is a public forum with people of varying understandings and know how. So it is best to go to the experts for specialized cases.

Lastly, it is better to have a comprehensive understanding of deen under an organized and systematic program created by qualified scholars instead of some morsels of "k(nowledge)" here and there presented by some random strangers. We must take our deen seriously the same way we take our professions seriously and go to the universities and spend y(ears) in acquiring degrees.

Learning the deen from random strangers may lead one astray and huge gaps may remain in one's understanding. One's aqaid may get messed up if one is caught up with wrong people or if one misunderstands what others are saying because of one's deficiency in understanding or the others' incompetency in conveying their message properly and appropriately. It is also easy to get bullied by naughty sinister people. Therefore, it is better to stick with authentic, cautious and genuine scholars.

Many questions are automatically answered if we learn the basics of deen and make pondering and constantly asking Allah for guidance a habit. Many things are right in front of us but we can only notice them if we make noticing a habit.
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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 8th December 2019 17:41

Muslimah S wrote:
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Ego has nothing to do with Astaghfar. Take a look at "Sufees" who do so much Dhik'r and have ego the size of mountain. Ego is about training

Train yourself to:

  1. Admit mistakes and apologise
  2. Back down when the matter is not important. Do not be stubborn unnecessarily
  3. Prefer others over yourself in everyday matters

Do this again and again and keep doing it until your last breath. Sometimes you will loose and sometime you will win but gradually you will get better.

The one in bold is most important and most obvious parameter. Begin to observe people in your life and you will see in no time that many people make excuses, argue, debate, defame, slander others BECAUSE it is easier to to do so then to admit their error. This is the sign of Shaytaan, when he made a mistake he did not admit and justified his behavior and his "ego" got him where Shaytaan is today.

Test this theory if you want and it is usually always right.


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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 8th December 2019 19:41
About ‘ego’ issue, what Muad khan has written should be enough, inshaAllah.

About Astaghfar, the more the better, but please keep in mind that ‘astaghfar’ , in its essence, is not a wazifa. It is, when you feel you have done something wrong, you apologise for it, repent and make firm resolve that you will not repeat the same mistake again. If you make the same mistake ( or other mistakes) again, repeat the same process, and keep repeating the same all your life. Yes, it is obviously important to make a general astaghfar morning and evening for mistakes that we don’t even notice or don’t even consider them mistakes....

Exaggeration in anything usually create psychological problems, like in this case : a constant feeling of guilt, which may lead to self pity, depression, feelings of unworthiness and hopelessness. All those are negative traits for a Momin.

Ego means :

* ‘when you look down upon others’

* When you ‘refuse to accept the truth’.

Merely making a strong opinion and to stand by your views is not a sign of ego. It is a sign of a solid personality and is praiseworthy.

That is why, as @sipra wrote, one should keep in touch with a specialist in the field, who can differentiate between ‘ego’ and ‘self confidence’.

Wallaho alam
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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 8th December 2019 23:29
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JazakAllah khair for explaining i think i got what he meant by approaching some specialist.
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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 8th December 2019 23:35
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JazakAllah khair brother i will try to make a habit of 2 and 3. About the first point, I always accept my mistakes and i say sorry to others.
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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 9th December 2019 00:00
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JazakAllah khair brother for defining Ego.

I have started off accepting Truth by now. As i can see truth (somehow) as Truth Alhamdulillah . Earlier it was bit blurred.

About exaggerating, I discuss here and get behind a topic so it gets sorted out soon. Its not like i am with this all 24/7. I am trying to fix my routine at other hand and where in i face these difficulties i get back here.

Your 2 points- i feel, i look down at others. Not all but those who have got no standard by my few definitions. I hate those who loves me. I love those who never sit or even look at me. I even would hate and ignore lecturers at Uni who were not much qualified. ( like have got no abroad degrees).I wonder why i have been doing these. I am trying to change this behaviour to the best of my abilities, now. May be i was in some idealised world. I never thought abt other feelings, but about myself and my likes and dislikes. But Alhamdulillah i want to change and am trying to fix it now.

Just one thing more, is Ego and Pride Same things? May be i have pride that i am taking for Ego? Thank you so much brother.
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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 9th December 2019 00:04
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Thanks for this coloured part of your reply. I need to do Sabr and be constant in what i am doing and things will fall apart on their own places. Right? JazakAllah khair brother its bit satisfying inshaAllah i will try not to ponder much on the “change” that i am observing and will try to move on inshaAllah. Thank you
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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 9th December 2019 00:32
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JazakAllah khair. I got your point and i will mark it as my last question about discussing or determining about my personal state. Thanks
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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 9th December 2019 05:08
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Muslimah S wrote:
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Quote:
Your 2 points- i feel, i look down at others. Not all but those who have got no standard by my few definitions. Your 2 points- i feel, i look down at others. Not all but those who have got no standard by my few definitions. I hate those who loves me. I love those who never sit or even look at me. I even would hate and ignore lecturers at Uni who were not much qualified. ( like have got no abroad degrees).I wonder why i have been doing these. I am trying to change this behaviour to the best of my abilities, now. May be i was in some idealised world. I never thought abt other feelings, but about myself and my likes and dislikes. But Alhamdulillah i want to change and am trying to fix it now.

Just one thing more, is Ego and Pride Same things? May be i have pride that i am taking for Ego? Thank you so much brother. me. I even would hate and ignore lecturers at Uni who were not much qualified. ( like have got no abroad degrees).I wonder why i have been doing these. I am trying to change this behaviour to the best of my abilities, now. May be i was in some idealised world. I never thought abt other feelings, but about myself and my likes and dislikes. But Alhamdulillah i want to change and am trying to fix it now.

Just one thing more, is Ego and Pride Same things? May be i have pride that i am taking for Ego? Thank you so much brother.


Pride is a manifestation of ego....

Our ‘ego’ makes us believe that ‘we are better than others’.

It helps a lot if one keeps a few points in mind :

1) Even if we are truly better than others in ‘somethings’ or ‘many things’ that is a gift from Allah swt, not our own doing. If we become proud of that ( instead of being thankful to Allah swt) He can take his blessings back and then we will be left without anything to be proud about.

2) We may be better in one thing but others may be better in ‘other things’ , so over all it is usually a ‘balance’ between people. Generally speaking, no one is ‘absolutely’ superior to others. Like one person may be more ‘wealthy’ but others may be more ‘healthy’ , one may be more ‘beautiful’ but others may be more ‘intelligent’ etc

3) The one we look down upon may be more close to Allah swt. We can’t be sure about ourselves.

4) Finally, it is the ‘end result’ which counts, not merely our ‘present’ situation. We can’t be sure about tomorrow, may be the one we consider inferior goes ahead of us in the final outcome. Allah knows and we don’t....

Quote:
I hate those who loves me. I love those who never sit or even look at me.


Our hearts are controlled by Allah swt. If Allah swt creates respect and liking in their hearts for us, we should be thankful to Allah for that, if Allah swt did not put our respect in their hearts, those who are praising us would be ‘cursing’ us instead. We should be thankful to Allah swt for that, say ‘Alhamdolillah’ and move on...

Where there is ‘Shukr’ there is no ‘pride’ , because we are attributing nothing to our ‘self’ but to the blessings of Allah swt.
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#13 [Permalink] Posted on 9th December 2019 09:57

Muslimah S wrote:
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We are all on a journey and until our last breath, improvements will be needed and it will never end except the "Sufees" because they have a ticket to paradise just on account of being Bay't to someone or being part of some silsilsa.

Normal and ordinary Muslims will make mistakes, repent, stumble and tumble.

Remember, you are human and you will make mistakes and keep on making mistakes. You will miss reading Qur'aan, you may miss your Salah and you will also commit sins...C'est la vie

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#14 [Permalink] Posted on 9th December 2019 12:36
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Just remember one thing sister.

Islam is not a punishment. Instead it is a blessing.

Everyone has deficiencies. We must try our best. However, no need to fret if something is not getting better. Don't overburden yourself. Don't be too critical about your self and others. Just have pure intentions. Keep trying. Keeping making dua and Insha Allah, Allah will keep on guiding you more and more and more as the time progress.

Remember. Don't compare yourself to Aulia of current age or past age. Only compare yourself to your past self. If you have improved as compared to past self even to 1% then be content and thankful and be encouraged more to do more good. Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it gradual. Allah loves quality and consistency instead of random and shallow quantity.

And lastly, don't ever never let anybody make you feel bad about yourself. Keep your intentions pure and keep trying and Allah is the most merciful.

Allah is our Friend.
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#15 [Permalink] Posted on 9th December 2019 12:41
The meaning of the word Iblees is "Intensely Hopeless and Gloomy".

He wants us to lose hope in Allah's mercy as he himself has lost it. Therefore, we must not pay heed to wasawis.

Remain busy in good deeds and you will automatically avoid bad deeds. And if by any chance you start feeling pride because of your good deeds then remember that it is only because of Allah's taufeeq that you are able to do good.

Those who have great awe of Allah in their hearts do not take pride in their achievements and do not lose hope in their failures.
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