Salafi Daughter in laws attitude towards in laws

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#16 [Permalink] Posted on 23rd July 2015 12:33

What are the rights of in-laws?

...However, the Jurists have mentioned that the financial
situation of both partners be taken into consideration in fulfilling her
rights. If the husband and the wife (her parents) are of a financially high
class, then the wife is entitled to a completely separate house. If they are
of a financially middle class, then she is entitled to an apartment that is
a room in a house with separate kitchen, toilet and bathroom. If they are of
a financially low class, then the wife is only entitled to a separate room.
It is not permissible for any person of the house to enter her room without
her consent. She is not entitled to a private kitchen, toilet and bathroom.
She will have to share these facilities with the other members of the house
(Shami Vol. 2).

Since the financial situation of every individual differ according to his
income, expenses, etc. therefore it is difficult to precisely specify a
ruling without intimate knowledge of the financial situation of the specific
case. Every individual must fear Allah Ta’ala, understand his obligation and
fulfill it accordingly. The husband will be answerable to Allah if he failed
in carrying out his duty in fulfilling the rights of the wife. If the
husband is of a high or middle financial ranking, he cannot impose upon his
wife to stay in the same house of the parents. If she stays with them on her
own wish and accord then it is her choice.

Especially cases where the parents are very emotionally attached to the son
(or grandchildren) or are in need of the Khidmat (care) of the son; should
the wife make a personal sacrifice, she will then receive great reward.
However, she cannot be compelled.

And Allah Knows Best.

Mufti E. Desai

islamqa.org/hanafi/askimam/28790

Also, see below fatwas regarding what Ulama have mentioned about a wife doing domestic chores, cooking etc. It's not so black or white that she has to do it or that she doesn't have to do it...

www.askimam.org/public/question_detail/24111

albalagh.net/qa/housework_cooking.shtml

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الشكر قيد الموجود وصيد المفقود

Shukr binds the present (bounties) and traps the absent (bounties)

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#17 [Permalink] Posted on 23rd July 2015 13:05

The oldest issue in the book. Now having seen a lot of this let me give my 2 cents;

1. In indopak culture there is no doubt that many see the daughter in law as a slave. This is from hindu culture having little to do with Islam. I have heard of many mother in laws who are perfectly fine but seem to retire when the daughter in law comes into the house. Many will openly say that why did my sons get married? i.e. my sons got married so I can have a rest
2. The very same mother in laws who make life difficult for their daughter in laws are the very same mother in laws who are the first to complain if their own daughters are mistreated.
3. The situation would easily be solved if the daughter in law saw the mother in law as her own mother and the mother in law saw her daughter in law as her own daughter. Easier said than done and I think this will never be the case
4. Most divorcess I have seen have happened due to this conflict
5. Solution....

This is the big problem. Ideally I think it is better that the couple live separately. It is better to live separately and the hearts be united rather than living together and hearts disunited

I

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#18 [Permalink] Posted on 23rd July 2015 14:34

Sulaiman84 wrote:

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JazakALLAH.
Laymen like me operate on formulas, but social issues are very complex for mere formulas, they need tafaqquh fiddeen. Thats why we are taught in tableegh to take mashwara and suggestions from ulama in all our issues.

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Ya rabbi! In A'zumat Zunoobi Kasratan
Fa laqad Alimtu bi anna afwaka a'zamu

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#19 [Permalink] Posted on 23rd July 2015 14:48

Abdullah1 wrote:

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Social issues are very complex but the issue is we are too much into culture and customs. The problem with the ulema of the indopak is that very rarely will they say what I have mentioned above as for some people these customs of all sons living with their parents etc are deeply entrenched social values and customs almost to the level of divine commands. I agree that wisdom is needed to tackle these issues. No wonder sisters are rebelling big time.

I know of cases where the daughter in law is expected to do the following;

1. Work a full shift like men 9-5
2. Come home and do the housework and cooking

The mother in law does not have to work but these days due to the expensive cost of living many UK parents want a daughter in law that works

Now add that to the fact that if she has children and a husband to look after. The lady is not a machine.

I know of a mother in law who visits her parents regularly but has put a restriction on the number of times her daughter in law can visit her parents who live closeby. What kind of justice is this? If anybody can put a restriction it is the husband but he has not made such a restriction but the inlaws?

I know of daughter in laws who are expected to iron the clothes of their children and husband. Not content with this they have to iron the clothes of the father in law, mother in law, her husbands brothers and sisters. Some people go to the extent of the daughter in law having to do the beds of everybody including husband's brothers and sisters.

When such is the state of our social system what can we expect from our dear respected sisters except feminism, modernism, a call to liberation etc.

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#20 [Permalink] Posted on 23rd July 2015 15:02

london786 wrote:

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Yes right. Every action has an equal reaction, but the problem is that, the reaction is ALWAYS completely opposite, as newton said : ). Extremism's reaction is extremism, moderation is found nowhere, specially in our paki community...
No blame to sisters. We all need to change.

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Salafi Daughter in laws attitude towards in laws

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