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Salafi Daughter in laws attitude towards in laws

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#1 [Permalink] Posted on 20th July 2015 18:04

Salamalaikum guys!

loooooong time!!!

 

So lately a lot of salafi women have been doing the salafi thing and talking crap. Such as the husbands parents are not really her parents therefore she doesn't need to do anything for them.

that she is not obligated to do anything for them and that's its  the sole responsibility of the husband, their son.

so for example , if she doesn't feel like it, then she doesnt have to cook for them.  She's not sinning and it's not her parents therefore they can cook for themselves.

 

now, I find this very sad and strange because all of my life we have been taught that your inlaws are your parents too and that they have those rights too. 

this sounds all so similar to, omg why do you read 20 taraweeh!!! It should be 8. Lol. Just sounds like another salafi bakwaas....???!!!

 

lets discuss everyone's thoughts here! Can anyone prove that I'm wrong or that this "new" thing is wrong, or even that it's right. I just want closure on this topic please!!

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#2 [Permalink] Posted on 20th July 2015 21:50
rizmalek wrote:
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Wa alaykum asalam,
This problem does exist but it is not a salafi problem rather a "lets use Islam when it suits us" problem. This exists in men and other scenarios also. Husband, wife and in-laws need to get their act together. Solution is....
Allahualam.
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#3 [Permalink] Posted on 20th July 2015 22:04
Another thing is in this day and age it is very expensive to keep a servant and in some countries where it is affordable "trust" is a big issue. Also moving into separate homes (agar sila se ma baap chor bi de) has become somewhat a luxury.
If a wife loves her husband the perfect gift to him is to take care of his parents. The husband should also be considerate to his wife and do some work. (Even the shopping the wives and mothers are doing these days) The in-laws if healthy should continue working and playing a tarbiyat role to the children. The biggest problem is free time and that is where a lot of family problems tend to lie. Also they end up become unhealthy and bitter after a while.
The problem remains; how to put these values into peoples minds.
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#4 [Permalink] Posted on 20th July 2015 22:18
Also something that may be related, a lot of couples these days both work. (Women working is an argument for another thread) That can also be a cause of some arguments.
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#5 [Permalink] Posted on 20th July 2015 23:40
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Salam

As far as I know from what I've heard, she's not obliged to, however if she does out of goodwill then that's her good qualities and kindness.

Sadly Desis take this for granted and expect the daughter in law to be like a personal maid for the whole family, who must cook, clean, scrub the whole house, everyone's clothes etc and then look after her husband and her kids. Sadly there's a big cultural overlap here and I can mention many such traditions. Some gujratis have a cultural tradition that if a husband or the man of the house, taps a glass with a spoon a few times, the wife must come running straight away. Majority of bengali women end up cooking about 8 dishes a day for meals, they need to have a bit of everything at meal time, sadly she spends most of her day in the kitchen. Pakistani woman especially ones from back home they're usually treated like personal slaves all in the name of family, culture, respect, girls from here rarely put up with such stuff and if they do then they balance it, but sadly even here one wrong step by the woman and mother/father in law don't like her, son in a instant is willing and ready to divorce her. Maulana TJ mentioned sadly this is even happening in religious homes, where rights aren't given to daughter in laws.

Does Islam teach this sort of behaviour?


It doesn't work like that, I've even heard to the extent that she can even refuse to look after your kids, that's your duty (as the father) not hers, but she will do it out of love anyway.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Allah knows best
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#6 [Permalink] Posted on 20th July 2015 23:42
And lol at the title 'salafi daughter in laws', I suggest you change the title of thread, to rights of daughter in law in Islam or something similar.
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#7 [Permalink] Posted on 21st July 2015 06:38
"Khidmat krna mushkil hai krana asaan hai"

It was the duty of son to serve his parents but he instead throws this duty towards his wife. In Pakistan the man who successfully forces his wife to do the khidmat/service of his parents, is considered to be a very obedient son.
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#8 [Permalink] Posted on 21st July 2015 06:42
First of all.. OP should talk in a decent manner. Aren't Salafis Muslims? shouldn't we adopt a sober and nice and decent approach towards discussing this matter or discussing any matter about people whom one disagrees with?

They are right in their saying that the Parents in law don't have any rights.. but did we forget all those many many hadiths about good moral character?
Choosing the same thing for others which one chooses for oneself?
how would they feel if they were treated like that by their Daughter in law. you will grow old too and you might have a daughter in law... wouldn't you want your sister in law to be kind to your parents?

and in the end as my Tafsir teacher says..
"Zindagi Usoolon par nahi guzari jaati"
( life can't be lived on mere rules) ( rough translation )
Posted via the Muftisays Android App
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#9 [Permalink] Posted on 21st July 2015 09:34
Today's Muslim parents: My daughter has got excellent husband who listens to her but my son has turned stupid after marriage because he listens to his wife.
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#10 [Permalink] Posted on 21st July 2015 21:39
Note: Promise of reward is on assalamu alaikum, not on slamalaikum.
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#11 [Permalink] Posted on 21st July 2015 23:45
Generally speaking the types of experiences one has had will reflect in the argument he/she will present. The respected op has started this thread (which whilst is unjustly stereo-typed) is a problem amongst some of our sisters (deeni or non-deeni alike). Brothers also have some problems alike.

The thing we have to realise is there is house work whether we like it or not. We all need to grow up and accept this. The fact is there are many different scenarios of which some are are suffering one or another.

Below are some thoughts and experiences which I have seen or heard of:
1.If a sister has accepted the responsibility of cooking for her husband whilst living with his parents, I don't see why she cannot add some water to the curry and a few extra botis rather than making her mother-in-law cook for her self. Did Rasoolullah (saw) not recommend adding some water to the dish so that the neighbours may have some? If neighbours have such a high status, do not those actually living in your house receive similar treatment? I say "in your house" but many times the son is still living in his parents so isn't this a way to repay them back?
2. Many in-laws when they get their son married decide that they no longer have to do any work. Its not as if they have started to spend the whole day in zikr or azkaar. They get bored during the day and start trotting into peoples homes for silly reasons and backbite about each other becoming very bitter and unhealthy in the process. Why can't they work or help their daughter in laws? Unless they are ill which is a different case. They should be the ones mending the relationships of the youngsters and giving them naseeha both spiritually and worldly!
3.Those that have more than one brother living in one house need to come up with a system and stop moaning or man up and move into their own space.
4.Those couples that both work need to sort something out amongst themselves.
5.The brothers need to stop acting like overgrown babies.
6.Maybe we need to start eating one or two dishes instead of 5 or 6.
7.The houses in the UK are small but everyone is still moaning about who should do the work. SERIOUSLY!!!
8.There is a general advice that people throw about, "If you have a problem with your spouse you should talk to each other and solve each other's criticism". I don't understand why people think it is a magic pill. This can only be effective if the other spouse listens instead of throwing a tantrum.
9.In this day and age especially in the west and amongst the working class throughout the world it is not reasonable to keep maids, if a sister is not working I do not see it as unreasonable that she does most of the housework and child care. (if living alone or with just the parents of husband)
10.Brothers need to be reasonable and help out when they are not working. As I said it is not as if they are completing tilawat every three days nor are they coming out with the latest mathematical hypothesis.



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#12 [Permalink] Posted on 22nd July 2015 13:39
I agree with Jinn. Islamically she is not obliged to service her husband's parents and her refusal to do so would not mean she is commiting any sin. However, if she did do so out of her own free will then kudos to her and she'll be rewarded accordingly in the next life.

Studying the seerah suggests the companions (RA) did not live with their mothers, but with their spouses in separate hujas.
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#13 [Permalink] Posted on 22nd July 2015 15:09
Imam Ali wrote:
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I am not disputing that, just find it weird that when the couple do live with their parents they are only cooking for themselves.
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#14 [Permalink] Posted on 22nd July 2015 15:18
I was told by a AUTHORIZER that this section cannot host discussions but I see that rule violated here. And there are a few proper references given in this thread. This is too much bias and narrow-mindedness
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#15 [Permalink] Posted on 22nd July 2015 20:22
salaam

whether husband and wife act in a reasonable manner with each other or with the in-laws is a different matter. the fact here is that a wife does not need to cook and clean for the husband and does not need to cook and clean for the in-laws. anyone forcing her will be acting against the deen as she is not required to take on these responsibilities.

but in a similar vain the husband needs to only do the bare minimum for his wife and does not need to help his in-laws either.

obviously the best way is to have a mutual understanding and help each other. but most people think that a daughter in-law and wife is a free maid and treat her as such. they want their rights fulfilled, but have no qualms about encroaching the rights of the wife/daughter in-law.
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