Polygamy � An alternative way of life

westmidlands

858

Sister

481

#1 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 09:34

Polygamy - An alternative way of life

What is it about the word polygamy? Just uttering it raises eyebrows, elicits snide remarks, or prompts crude jokes. Since the 19th century, when the concepts of orientalism and colonialism came to dominate Western thought, combining the words polygamy and Islam has conjured up visions of swarthy Arab men surrounded by sexual playthings. More recently, the word polygamy has come to represent patriarchs in the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, having sexual relations with underage girls.

While both images certainly make sensational media expos�s, they could not be further from the truth. The reality of polygamy is that it is a marriage arrangement that can benefit some people, in some situations. It is not a practice confined to Middle Eastern or Muslim countries, in fact it is found world wide, and ranges across cultures and religions. Polygamy existed in ancient times and continued to flourish unremarkably for thousands of years.

In the 21st century polygamy, and its myriad of implications and complications is undergoing a resurgence of sorts, albeit aided by media attention. Popular United States reality programs such as the wildly successful Oprah Show and the Discovery Network's TLC channel have focused attention of polygamy in North America where polygamy hits the headlines repeatedly. In South Africa the fourth post apartheid president, Jacob Zuma, is a polygamist with three wives.

Throughout the world, the opponents of polygamy speak about the exploitation and abuse of women and describe polygamy as a backward and medieval practice. This however is not what we hear from modern women currently in polygamous relationships. These women speak about freedom of choice, freedom of religion and the bonds of sisterhood between wives. Polygamy is not about one man dominating and abusing several women. It is about adult men and women choosing a form of marriage that suits their needs, desires, and aspirations.

Islam did not introduce polygamy to the world; it did however place restrictions and conditions on this unique marriage arrangement, in order to assure that abuses did not occur. However, before we go any further and discuss the connection between Islam and polygamy it may be useful to define the term polygamy.

Polygamy means having more than one spouse at a time. It comes from two Greek words, polys, meaning many, and gamos, meaning marriage. In reality there are three forms of polygamy, polygyny, where one man is married to several wives, polyandry where one woman has several husbands, and a third form, where several husbands are married to several wives. Throughout the world, all forms exist to varying degrees in various cultures. However, in Islam only one form of polygamy is permitted - polygyny.

It is incorrect to presume that Christian and Jewish religions have always been opposed to polygamy. Polygyny was practiced, to varying degrees throughout the history of the three monotheistic religions- Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. The Torah and the Bible do not condemn the practice of polygyny rather some of the most esteemed and respected Prophets and Kings practiced polygyny, including Abraham, David, Jacob, and Solomon. However while there is no condemnation, there are also no restrictions on the practice of polygyny.

All three monotheistic religions have been accused of misogyny and certainly, some stories and traditions tend confirm this, especially when women are referred to as property and polygyny is practised without restriction or regulation. Islam however, places limitations on the number of wives a man may take and enforces laws that reconcile marriage with gender equality. The inequalities that exist between Muslim men and women are based on cultural aberrations and are not sanctified by Islamic law.

Women are described in Quran as being equal to men, and the tenants of Islam enshrine the rights and responsibilities of each member of the human race. Differences between the genders are celebrated. One life or one sex is not worth more than the other is. Islam builds on the respect, tolerance, and morality inherent in the original teachings of Judaism and Christianity and reveals itself as a code of life` for all people in all places and at all times. Polygyny is permitted in Islam and it in no way diminishes the rights or the equality of women.

Islam took an already well-established practice, polygyny, and instituted regulations that prevented chaos and abuse from entering the family structure. A well-balanced functioning family, where the rights of all members are respected and upheld, is the cornerstone of Islam. A moral and ethical community stems from this family structure and it is based on realistic notions of gender equality.

Polygyny is just one way consenting adult men and women can contribute to a well-rounded society free from immorality and degradation, and it is permitted under certain well-documented circumstances. Polygyny is not a fixed dogma inherent in Islam, nor is it obligatory in any way. Quran has given permission for a man to take a maximum of four wives and each successive wife enjoys the same rights and privileges as the first. Women are not forced into plural marriages without their consent.

Women practising Islam have certain inalienable rights given to them by God Himself and some specifically pertain to marriage. Marrying into a polygynous family does not negate or change any of those rights. Nor are women's rights changed or challenged if a previous monogamous marriage becomes polygynous. Marriage in Islam is a partnership between human beings seeking to please God by working towards a moral, stable life. Men and women are free to choose or reject their partners as they see fit, and Islam takes into account the vagaries of human nature.

Women in Islam have rights only dreamt about by women in the West even 100 years ago. Muslim women pioneered pre-nuptial agreements, and took part in politics and scholarship when women from the Western world were unable to read and write. Polygyny upholds women's rights and is a valid marriage arrangement that inherently accepts gender equality. Yet the word polygamy (including its variation polygyny) creates an atmosphere of fear. What is it about polygamy that we fear the most?

Is it that polygyny takes into account the true nature of men and women? Alternatively, is it perhaps that the majority of those who practice polygyny lead moral upstanding lives? What is it about this modern society that allows and even sanctions bad behaviour? Men and women pass into and out of relationships with little thought of each other or the resulting children. The sanctity of marriage is passed over in favour of serial monogamy and de facto relationships. Men are encouraged to take mistresses and girlfriends but a man who wants to take more than one legal wife, in order to assume responsibility for her and their children, is condemned and branded a sex fiend or wastrel.

Even in the Muslim world, men and women who choose to practice polygyny are sometimes condemned. However, the absurdity of such notions is becoming increasingly clear. Polygamy is slowly winding its way back into popular culture. Even television series such as HBO's Big Love and the Egyptian drama, The Family of Hajj Metwalli, are beginning to portray polygyny as a valid lifestyle. The word polygamy forces us to confront issues concerned with basic human nature. People and communities around the world, Muslim and non Muslim alike, are investigating polygamous alternatives. They are looking at a marriage option with a long and valid history and wondering what it has to offer citizens of the 21st century.

report post quote code quick quote reply

+3 -0Like x 3

O my Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer)! Bestow wisdom on me, and join me with the righteous; grant me honorable mention on the tongue of truth among the latest (generations); make me one of the inheritors of the Garden of Bliss.�
(Qur��n 2683-84)

11,870

Brother

335

#2 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 11:33

"sister-in-islam" wrote:

Polygamy – An alternative way of life

Asslamo Allaikum,

Polygamy is HARAM in Islam

Perhaps you are referring to Polygyny which is PERMISSABLE in Islam.

:- ) Just kidding :- ) we all know what you mean

report post quote code quick quote reply

No post ratings

There is no Plan B!

http://www.central-mosque.com/

Unspecified

2,521

Sister

2,929

#3 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 12:32

Muadh_Khan wrote:

Asslamo Allaikum, Polygamy is HARAM in Islam Perhaps you are referring to Polygyny which is PERMISSABLE in Islam. :- ) Just kidding :- ) we all know what you mean

wa'alaykumus salaam
You got me worried for a split second..

report post quote code quick quote reply

No post ratings

Fragrance of Musk

London

27,542

Brother

9,600

#4 [Permalink] Posted on 27th January 2011 14:36

"Muadh_Khan" wrote:

"sister-in-islam" wrote:

Polygamy – An alternative way of life

Asslamo Allaikum,

Polygamy is HARAM in Islam

Perhaps you are referring to Polygyny which is PERMISSABLE in Islam.

:- ) Just kidding :- ) we all know what you mean

Phew! I thought you lost it for a second, or someone hacked your account.

Sometimes, I use the term HALAM to cause confusion as a joke, the kids hate it. I tell them if its HALAM leave it, this is when we dont know if it is Halal or Haram.

report post quote code quick quote reply

+1 -0Like x 1

Actions are judged by intentions, so each man will have what he intended.
ابو محمد

Unspecified

Brother

#5 [Permalink] Posted on 28th June 2011 15:35

السلام عليكم

I've started a blog about Ta'addud (better to use the arabic word instead of the english ones, they sound cheap).

I started this blog mainly to remove the negativity about Ta'addud we find in the society.

Here's the latest post:

Quote:

Marrying Again...... Why?

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

The first question you are asked when you mention Ta'addud is Why are you marrying again?

The polygamists would give long answers and lengthy explanations which fail to satisfy the questioner.

Whenever I am asked this question, my answer is that This question in itself is WRONG. Ta'addud is as natural as the first marriage. Do you ever ask the person who is marrying for the first time Why? No... You never ask them. Because you take the first marriage as natural and normal. Then why are you so biased towards ta'addud?

As I wrote in the previous post, Ta'addud is as natural and normal as the first marriage.

Let's see, why does a person marry for the first time?

To protect his chastity - save himself from Zina
To have children

These are the main reasons for marrying the first time. These are the exact same reasons for ta'addud. A person can't protect himself from Zina with one wife, he must get a second. A person wants more children, he must get a second.

Why do we see Ta'addud as evil and strange?
Why do we want the polygamist to give us a whole list of problems in the first wife?
Why can't we just take it as normal and natural?

Recently, i went to a wedding. A Pakistani man married a Saudi Woman. The girl was unmarreid. I was very much surprised to see such a big wedding. The families of both the parties were there. The girl's father seemed very happy. it didn't seem at all as if it was a second marriage. Everything was so normal as if it was a first marriage.

On the other hand, we see our culture in Pakistan. If a person marries again, he has to do it secretly. If he does inform his family, they just boycott him. All of them start behaving as if someone has died. Women would be coming to console the first one. Even if the first wife is okay with her husband marrying again, the family would make her go crazy.

Next time you meet a person wanting to marry again, encourage him instead of discouraging him and never ask WHY?

جزاك الله خيرا

جزاك الله خيرا

report post quote code quick quote reply

+1 -0Like x 1

Madni

London

27,542

Brother

9,600

#6 [Permalink] Posted on 28th June 2011 19:00

The above mentioned blog can be found here:

taaddud.blogspot.com/

As Brother Madni is unable to post websites at the moment.

report post quote code quick quote reply

No post ratings

Actions are judged by intentions, so each man will have what he intended.
ابو محمد

London

27,542

Brother

9,600

#7 [Permalink] Posted on 28th June 2011 20:41

I had posted brother Madni's article on my blog and Brother Majid has commented on it as below.

Quote:

Assalam Alaikum.

I have two questions that I hope someone can answer:
1. If a young man is say in education and living purely on scholarship and grants enough only so that he can support himself, is it right to get married based on the fact that neither can he financially support a wife nor emotionally as he has to spend most of the time working.
2. As regards to ta'addud: if a man is married is it farz, wajib, sunnah or just permitted to marry again? How about if this man is happy in his marriage and does not feel he can provide or take care of another wife. More importantly he believes that he will treat the wives differently and unfairly.

JazakaAllah

I have replied with:

I will add your comment on the thread here www.muftisays.com/forums/articles-stories-more/5375/polyg...

Maybe some one will answer, please keep in touch.

From my understanding, (and im not a scholar), Allah provides rizk, it is in his hand. One should not shy away from marriage with fear of poverty. Secondly, it is not Farz or Wajib, it is Sunnah and permitted if need be.

report post quote code quick quote reply

No post ratings

Actions are judged by intentions, so each man will have what he intended.
ابو محمد

11,870

Brother

335

#8 [Permalink] Posted on 29th June 2011 10:15

"abu mohammed" wrote:

I had posted brother Madni's article on my blog and Brother Majid has commented on it as below.

Quote:

Assalam Alaikum. I have two questions that I hope someone can answer: 1. If a young man is say in education and living purely on scholarship and grants enough only so that he can support himself, is it right to get married based on the fact that neither can he financially support a wife nor emotionally as he has to spend most of the time working. 2. As regards to ta'addud: if a man is married is it farz, wajib, sunnah or just permitted to marry again? How about if this man is happy in his marriage and does not feel he can provide or take care of another wife. More importantly he believes that he will treat the wives differently and unfairly. JazakaAllah

Asslamo Allaikum,

It is the responsibility of the man to emotionally and financially support a wife. However, in many such scenarios a Muslimah will understand that time and funds will be limited so many times she will be willing to compromise and stand by her husband and she will be rewarded so let her plainly and honestly know your situation and the decision is hers.
Allah (SWT) has given permission for a man or woman to engage in such a relationship and left the matter in their hands and on their personal judgment. I understand that Shaykh (Maulana) Madni may disagree but legally thats the idea. Its upto the man and the woman in Islam

Jazakullah Khairun

report post quote code quick quote reply

No post ratings

There is no Plan B!

http://www.central-mosque.com/

London

27,542

Brother

9,600

#9 [Permalink] Posted on 5th October 2011 13:35

Youtube Video

report post quote code quick quote reply

No post ratings

Actions are judged by intentions, so each man will have what he intended.
ابو محمد

London

27,542

Brother

9,600

#10 [Permalink] Posted on 26th October 2015 16:09

Muslim Council of Britain rejects Baroness Caroline Cox's claim that British Muslim men have 'up to 20 children'

The response follows Baroness Caroline Cox's suggestion that Muslim women are being discriminated against in their local communities

The Muslim Council of Britain has rejected claims by a peer that men in some UK communities are living in polygamous societies where they father up to 20 children.

Speaking in the House of Lords on Friday, Baroness Caroline Cox said loopholes in equality legislation had led to the emergence of Sharia councils as an alternative "quasi-legal system", which she said meant women were "oppressed by religiously sanctioned gender discrimination in this country".

"The rights of Muslim women and the law of our land must be upheld," she said. "Muslim friends tell me that in some communities with high polygamy and divorce rates, men may have up to 20 children each."

Lady Cox said the behaviour of men was creating "dysfunctional families" and leading to discrimination against women who are not aware of their rights.

But Harun Khan, a spokesman for the MCB, told The Independent: "There are non-Muslim families in the UK that have lots of children so it's just pandering to that view that Muslims are different they are not really part of our society and they need to be dealt with."

Mr Khan said Islamic law had to be considered "in context" and it was not as simple as men being allowed to be polygamous.

He explained: "Its not 'you can have four wives and there you go'. It's a huge responsbility, it's about being just and fair. You can only have four wives if you can be just and fair to each of them."

But Lady Cox said men were using the system of "halala", whereby a husband can divorce his wife by saying "I divorce you" three times.

If the man wishes to remarry his wife, she must marry and divorce another man first.

Lady Cox said Sharia councils, even when operating under the terms of the Equality Act, were found to be practicing sex discrimination; giving custody of children almost exclusively to the father, allowing men to marry up to four wives and allowing inheritance law which means women are entitled to only half of the legacy left to their male relatives.

She said there was also evidence they were stepping outside their remits and deciding on criminal cases surrounding domestic violence and grievous bodily harm.

Muslim women were being forced by Sharia councils to return to abusive husbands because they say "a husband has a right to 'chastise'" his wife, she claimed.

But Mr Khan insisted Sharia councils were "in essence arbitration panels" similar to those that exist within other faiths, such as the Beth Din courts in Judaism. He stressed they were "entirely voluntary" and "no one is really forced to do anything".

He said Sharia councils recommended women go to the police in cases of domestic violence.

Lady Cox's speech was in support of a bill she first introduced to the house in 2012 to re-enforce gender-equality measures in the Equality Act 2010, so women have more rights at religious arbitration panels.

She highlighted the case reported to her by a doctor who said a 63-year-old man asked him to repair the hymen of his 23-year-old wife so he can divorce her and force her to remarry a man in Pakistan to obtain a visa in exchange for a payment of £10,000.

She claimed the Pakistani man "would probably abuse and then divorce his wife and marry another or more wives here."

According to Lady Cox, the doctor said the man became "intensely angry" when he refused to perform the illegal operation, and said other doctors in the town frequently carried out the operation under another name.

She said the problem was excerbated by authorities' reluctance to intervene.

"In many cases, women have suffered further difficulties because police, civil authorities and professional personnel have been reluctant to take action that might be deemed to give offence to the leaders of these communities," she said.

Lady Cox attracted controversy in 2009 when she and Ukip peer Lord Malcolm Pearson invited far-right Dutch politican Geert Wilder to the House of Lords to show anti-radical Islam film Fitna.

When then-Labour Home Secretary Jacqui Smith blocked Mr Wilder's entry to the UK, Lady Cox and Lord Pearson accused the government of pandering to militant Islam.

The Independant

report post quote code quick quote reply

No post ratings

Actions are judged by intentions, so each man will have what he intended.
ابو محمد

Polygamy � An alternative way of life

Font Size

Font Weight