Asslamo Allaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,
There are many things wrong with the Muslims and the local community today but one of the most colossal void (in my opinion) is the absence of Muslim fathers. The absence is either physical where Sisters are bringing up children on their own or logical where the father (physically) exists but neither takes responsibility, nor sets a good example.
Our children are being brought up in a vacuum of a male role models and the impact on our generations (particularly in the west) is going to be huge!
A child learns by example and not be taking notes on their iPad. When a child sees that his father is an honest man, he makes mistakes but he tries he learns to mimic this behaviour for the rest of his life.
No one is free from mistakes and fathers commit plenty of them. But examples of behaviour of a father stick like glue to the memory of children and become their guide for the rest of their lives.
Historically, the Muslim Ummah produced 17 year old Tariq Ibn Ziyaad (RA) and Muhammad Ibn Qasmi (RA). Granted that these were exceptional 17 year olds but normal 17 years old weren’t far behind them in terms of maturity, initiative and taking the lead.
Today our 25 year olds are devoid of these facets. We see our young men exhibit some very serious and detrimental traits:
- Don’t take responsibility
- When they take responsibility and things go wrong they try to wiggle out of the blame by claiming “I didn’t do that”. Taking responsibility of something admitting that things can go wrong and those who look up to you need to know and understand that they will not be sold to the dogs when things go wrong
- Don’t admit their (personal or collective) mistakes
Unfortunately, they have either learnt these from their “elders” or not had any “elders” to teach them.
Things have gone wrong in the past and things will always go wrong. Best of plans fail and falter. Nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes.
If you are an old walking, talking fossil like me look around and observe as to how many men actually admit mistakes. The distraction and smoke screen may include:
- Is he equal to me (in age) to point my mistake?
- Is he equal to me (in rank and stature) to point my mistake?
- Is he equal to me (in knowledge and experience) to point my mistake?
- Is he equal to me (in social status) to point my mistake?
The worst of the people are those practising Islam. It is extremely rare to have a fruitful discussion with practising brothers and to make them realise their error and it almost always gets degenerated to ad hominum attacks and insults. When the person is battered into a corner and submitted to agree to his mistake, it is never forgotten.
Relationships for as long as we live are coloured by that one (or set of) mistake.
A friend of mine married a Sister who practised prostitution. She was a born Muslim, older and he was younger, good looking, educated with a bright career ahead of him; they met somehow when he was in a Jamaat in India. He married her on the spot, moved her to safe location completed his 4 months came back, applied for her VISA and has been happily married since.
The issue isn’t the mistake or the sins but the way they are handled and the stigma attached to be “found out” so we go out of our way to admitting it so the behaviour never changes .
When placed in a position of responsibility (Islamically) we detach ourselves from the mistakes of our juniors by claiming “they did it”. They may have physically done it but the “Buck stops with us” and it could indeed be a person error or it could be a problem with our leadership or processes so we need to put the hand up and admit overall responsibility.
For the sake of our next generation, we need to force ourselves to admit that we make mistakes.
We need to learn to take responsibility (personal and collective). We should go out of our way to desire leadership but once it’s given, a colossal weight of collective responsibility should fall on our shoulders like it did on the shoulders of Ameerul-Mumineen Sayyidina Umar Khattab (RA) when he roamed around the streets of Madinah Munawarrah at night. Not only had he realised that it was his responsibility those within his charge also realised it.
I challenge everyone reading these words to test this out amongst practising Muslims.
- Observe it in your Mosque,
- Observe it on the forums,
- Observe it in your family
- and observe it in your community.
Observe to the great lengths people go to in distraction, changing subjects to admit their mistakes. Observe if someone made a mistake ONCE how for the rest of their life it will be brought up again and again and again at every opportunity to humiliate the person and to rub their face into the dust.
I learnt the theory of repentance from Ulamah and the truth of it from life experience because once you made a mistake (practising) people around you will ensure that you never forget it. No matter how much you cry and repent to Your Lord (SWT) for your mistakes the people of this world won’t let you forget it until you die.
And that is why the rank of those who admit mistakes, apologise and rectify is high and they will be raised amongst the best on the day of judgement.
Hazrat (Maulana) Ashraf Ali Thanwi (RA) has warned about those who are higher in knowledge and practise and their bloated Nafs (ego) and suggested that when someone points out your mistake:
- Reflect upon it sincerely and earnestly
- Discuss it those who Allah (SWT) has blessed with knowledge and piety
If it’s a mistake, don’t be afraid to apologise be it that your face is rubbed in dust. Our Akabir were never afraid of show and pomposity but they feared facing Allah (SWT) on the day of judgement and may Allah (SWT) give us the ability to distinguish and understand the two (Ameen).
On the flipside is slander against your character! If someone slanders your character then defend it by all means possible and don’t back down because Hazrat (Maulana) Ashraf Ali Thanwi (RA) explains that this is what Sayyidina Yusuf (AS) did by refusing to come out of prison:
[12:50] And (when this person went back and told the king about the interpretation of the dream), the king said, .Bring him to me. So, when the messenger came to Yusuf, he said, .Go back to your lord and ask him, What is the case of the women who cut their hands? ‘ Surely, my Lord knows well their guile.
So where you are wrong, admit it freely. Where someone in your charge makes a mistake take collective responsibility. Where someone slanders you defend you.
In Islam there is no such thing as feigning innocence when you are guilty and there is no such thing as pleading guilty when you are innocent.
Sticking to these principle will require monumental moral courage and determination but then paradise is not cheap!