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alima - non marriage material

Last updated: 6th September 2005
Question ID: #750
Short URL: http://qa.muftisays.com/?750
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queenie
6th September 2005

 

assalamu alaikum

i have noticed over quite some years now, that men (some alims but mainly non-alims) dont want to marry female scholars. this is due to the fear of the the wife telling the husband whats wrong & whats not. basically, the wife knowing her rights where the husband, the in-laws etc.stand.

the thing is, i have not only heard it from my male relatives who are haafiz or learned to an extent, but also from a moulana saying he doesnt want an alima daughter-inlaw beacuase he thinks that alimas are lazy. (because the daughter-inlaw is aware of how much or how little she can do for inlaws with regards to serving them by foot & hand)

or that she will deny the husband his likings or dislikings because she is fully aware of islamic rules. i think that men feel threatened.

isnt this wrong? shouldnt a husband look for deen in a wife? i want to send my daughter to a jamea to do the full course if she can, or as many/little years as she can. but i feel threatened that my daughter will not be marriage material for many decent men.

what is your humble opinion?




Answer
Ulamaa
Ulamaa ID 05
Answer last updated on:
20th April 2006
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 05
Website
Location: Batley, England
Answer:

In the name of Allah the Most High

When one wishers to undertake any thing then we are taught to first turn to Allah and ask for guidance thereafter we can go about doing what it is we wish to do, Inshallah there will be great blessings and goodness within that task thereafter.

We should begin by looking at the lives of the Sahabiyah (female companions of Rasulullah ), and take example from their achievements. Hadhrat Aisha () was one of the greatest Alimahs in Islam, it is said that many great Sahaabah would consult her for advice and to gain deeper Islamic knowledge. However, her mass of knowledge and wisdom did not stop her from being the most beloved wife the of Rasulullah .

It is a misconception of the people of todays environment who say that an Alimah is not good to marry because she may be too knowledgeable. In reality this is down to the person themselves and has nothing do to with what they know or what they have studied. Sadly it is a incorrect stereotype view of many of today's communities. Someone does not see a girl with a university degree to be a threat, on the contrary they will rush to find such a girl for their son. So then why do they see the girl who is a holder of the Knowledge of Islam as a threat? We should remember that our fate has already been written for us. Allah has already predetermined who your daughter's husband will be. Therefore you should not be afraid that you will not be able to find her a marriage partner.

Moving along, the Maulana who feels threatened by an Alimah daughter-in-law, must be aware that she will know the rights of the husband, of how to raise children, how to run the affairs of the house, the rules and regulations of her Hijaab. I am sure that he is also aware that it is his son who will live his life with her and if he is happy with the bride then it is his choice.

Furthermore, it is possible that people may have thought or think regarding the male Ulamaa that "we do not want so and so Alim as a "son-in-law", but they and the Maulana who you have mentioned are married now, Mashallah. It is in the hand of Allah, my lord and yours.

Once, a couple are married they will tend to see each other has "husband and wife" and not as Maulana or Appa. It is the community who will see them as this. And Alas it is the community who is responsible for the misconception that an Alimah is not good to marry.

I do agree that there have been cases where an Alimah has become rebellious to the husband and left the household thinking it is the right thing to do. This is rare and in many cases it is nothing to do with the fact that she is an Alimah. It is a human trait. Husband and wife can have their up's and down's, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they are learned. But people can only see that she is an Alimah and are unable to see beyond that. Sadly this erroneous label is then applied to all the thousands upon thousands of Alimahs around the globe.

Your children have a right over you in regards to being taught Islamic knowledge and to be educated. If this knowledge cannot be provided at home then we must look elsewhere to bring to them the knowledge of Islam and even the secular education. We should also remember that it is obligatory on every Muslim to seek knowledge whether male or female.

If a child gains Islamic knowledge, then Inshallah this should result in an increase in his or hers ibaadat. When we intend to do something righteous then we should be aware that our nafs and the shaytaans whispers try to prevent us from, doing such acts.

My own humble opinion in this matter is that you should go ahead and send your daughter to Jameah for the sake of Allah and after she graduates Allah (swt) will find the best spouse for her, Ameen. May this misconception be uplifted from the hearts of the Muslims. Ameen.

And Allah knows best
25th September 2005

Reference:
1. Al- Quran Al-Kareem
2. Sahih ibn hibann vol 2 pg 123
3. Kitabul Azkiyah
4. Rawdul Unoof