Create an account
Login
Q&A Home Ask Question
Q&A Home » Marriage - Issues

newly wed

Last updated: 17th August 2005
Question ID: #676
Short URL:
Printer Friendly Version Email this page


 
As salamum aliekum repected ulamah,
I am a newly married mulsimah & my husband does not provide for me, we struggle and are now selling all our wedding gifts to make amends, he keeps saying that we are not on this earth for long and we could die anytime, he makes excuses that he doesnt want to work with the kuffar as times have become racist, he is practising alhamdulilah but with these unconstructive views I can see our marriage wont last very long, my grandad out of pity when he visits gives me some money but I feel so guilty taking off him because he such an old man. How can I encourage my husband, what is his role in this society, I know all my friends husbands who practice islam work but he doesnt even try arguing that kitamat is near & money isnt everything. I need to sort things out as I am expecting my first child soon.
Please please advise what shall I do & what appraoch can I take with my husband. what words of wisdom can u share with me ?
jazza kalla khairun.


Waalaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Bismillahir rahmaanir rahim.

Allah Taala has clearly mentioned in the Noble Quraan:
'...And it is the duty of the father to provide, food for, them (the mothers) and clothe them during the suckling if they be divorced, honourably, to the best of his ability. No soul is charged save to its capacity...' (Surah Al-Baqarah, part of verse 233)

'Let the affluent man expend on the divorced or the suckling woman out of his affluence. And let he whose provision has been straitened or restricted for him expend of what Allah has given him, in accordance with his means. Allah does not charge any soul save except with what He has given it. Allah will assuredly bring about ease after hardship.' (Surah At-Tolaaq, verse 7)

Nabi SAW has mentioned in a hadith:
'It is indeed a sin for a person to hold back the sustenance of one whose living depends on him.' (Muslim)

'It suffices a man to be a sinner that he ruins him who he supports.' (Abu Daud)

It is very unfortunate that you have to go through this situation whereby your husband does not see a need to provide for you and soon for your child as well. May Allah Taala reward you with the patience and perseverance you have practised all this while. May Allah Taala also reward the generosity, concern and sympathy your grandfather has towards your wellbeing too.

Many men are unaware of their responsibilities towards their family. This is due to the lack of knowledge and understanding they have regarding this matter. They take this to the extreme extent by saying that Allah will provide everything and there is no need to make an effort for it as rizq (sustenance) is in the hands of Allah anyway.

However, this is not the case and this is not how we as Muslims should live our lives. The best example can be seen by the honourable lifestyles of Nabi SAW and his Companions (r.a.). Nabi SAW is the most knowledgeable in terms of matters of the dunia and aakhirah as Allah Taala has bestowed him with the immense knowledge of both worlds. In spite of that, Nabi SAW had lead a very simple and moderate way of life - fulfilling the rights of both the dunia and aakhirah.

Nabi SAW used to be a shepherd during his youth and also a very reputable trader when he was older (earning the title 'Al-Amin' - the truthful one) before reaching prophethood. Apart from that, some of the famous Sahabah such as Hazrat Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (r.a.) and Hazrat Uthman ibn 'Affan (r.a.) were extremely wealthy traders in their times. Nabi SAW and the Sahabah (r.a.) interacted and made transactions with non Muslims while working, thus showing permissibility in dealing with them although they might be racist. This fact, did not prevent Nabi SAW and the other Sahabah (r.a.) from trading and working with non Muslims. In fact, it became a means of them to embrace Islam. Subhanallah! That was the akhlaaq (mannerism) Nabi SAW and the Sahabah (r.a.) had displayed which many a times attracted the non Muslims towards Islam.

What you can do as a wife is to advice your husband to speak to the ulamaa' near where you live to get an opinion on working with non Muslims. From there, he will be able to find the most suitable job in such a manner that although he has to deal with non Muslims at his workplace, they will not prevent him from carrying out his duties as a practising Muslim (eg. performing solat) insya Allah. Also, narrate to your husband regarding the lifestyles of Nabi SAW and the pious Companions (r.a.) as mentioned above. We should be strictly adhering to the sunnah of Nabi SAW and his Companions (r.a.) and not live life in an extreme manner but rather, moderately.

We hope that insya Allah your husband will come to realise his mistakes and responsibilities towards his family. May Allah Taala make things easy for you and your husband insya Allah.

And Allah knows best.

Wassalm.

Ulamaa
Answer last updated on:
25th November 2007
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 10
Location: Malaysia
Binti Zahari