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meeting before marriage & other q's

Last updated: 31st May 2005
Question ID: #483
Short URL: http://qa.muftisays.com/?483
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resident
31st May 2005

 
Assalaamu alaykum 1) If a male goes to see a female with the intention of marriage, what are the appropriate kind of questions should he ask the girl and what are their boundaries (of the questions)? 2) Someone told me that you cannot give items as gifts that are sharp e.g. knife (even if you give it with the intention of regular uses like kitchen utensil). Is this just another false superstitous belief as I suspect or does it have any basis? 3) Is it permissible for the girl?s parents to request a specific amount of mehr for their daughter? What happens if it is refused? What is the maximum amount of mehr that can be asked? Jazakallaah, Wassalaamu Alaykum warahmatullaah



Answer
Ulamaa
Ulamaa ID 05
Answer last updated on:
19th August 2007
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 05
Website
Location: Batley, England

Answer: In the Name of Allah, The Most Kind


1) The kind of questions one would want to ask is up to oneself. But it should be born in mind to be humble, polite, kind and not ask any questions which the girl or her family might find embarrassing. Do not ask or say anything which the other party might find insulting. Use wisdom and kindness when speaking. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalam has said to seek Deen in the potential marriage partner, this does not mean that you can not look for beauty and personality but it means that do not make these things the lone reason for wedlock. With Strong Deen the personality will be virtuous.


The questions you ask should be such that you can consider that the girl is strict on the Islamic worships such as salaah, hijab etc. You are allowed to ask questions to the girl regarding what her hobbies are what she would want in a husband etc. You should also ask her regarding some of her views on the modern world, thus you can understand if she is open minded.


Lastly, please ensure that you do not speak to the girl in private, there must be a mahrem of hers present there throughout the conversation.


2) The giving of knives or any such gift is allowed in Islam, either as a gift for the married couple or for any other event. It is a superstition when people say that it is wrong. This superstition holds its roots in the South American countries such as Guyana though now it has spread to other parts of the world. It is a non-Islamic belief to say, that the giving of knives will 'cut' the relationship between you and the person you give gift too. This is false and it has no foundation or base in Islamic teachings.


3) The amount of the mehr is up to the girl. The parents can or may advise her but they cannot fix the amount themselves. There is no fixed amount for the maximum mehr in the Shariah.


But it has been reported in Hadith narrated from Uqbah Bin Amir that Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalam has said, "The best Nikah is that which is most simple (Abu Dawud, Kitabun Nikah).


The parents of the girl will not use the mehr, it is not theirs to keep or use. The father does have the right to make sure that the mehr is right for his daughter in that is does not plunge her into any difficulty. But even then the final choice is the right of the girl (Fatawa Ulamaa-e-Haram, Pg 601).


Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalam has said, "Whosoever marries a lady, whether for a small or large amount of mehr; with the intention in heart of not actually paying will be gathered before Allah on the day of Qiyamah as a fornicator".


From the above we can see that a large or small amount is permissible as mehr. Even though there is no limit as to what the maximum can be. Nevertheless, one must keep in mind the above Hadith when fixing a mehr.


Shaykh Masseeullah Khan (Rahimullah Alaihi) once commented as saying, " the Mehr-e-Fatimi is a good amount which is full of blessings. The mehr should be at least be a reasonable amount to reflect the rank and honour of the bride. (extracted from Ashraf's Blessings of Marriage)


And Allah Ta alaa knows best