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Mother of girl refusing marriage proposal due to our 6 year unlawful relationship

Last updated: 21st October 2009
Question ID: #4125
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21st October 2009

assallaam alaikum , mufti sahab i love one girl her name is farha,n r rlation ship is from last 6years and from last 2yrs we are having sex and now before going to umrah i confessed everything to farha mother what all relation we have but the thing is now her mother curse me and tell me that she will kill farha but wnt marry farha to me and farha dnt go beyoung her family and now what should i do please tell me and will u please tell me that the answer which u will send me should i send that to farha family also or if mufti saab if u not mind will u send the answer to farha mother email address also. [email addresses removed by admin] mufti saab i hope u will reply me as per the hadith and quran please tell me what should i do as i love farha very much Edit: Emails removed from question

Ulamaa ID 06
Answer last updated on:
28th October 2009
Answered by:
Ulamaa ID 06
Location: London
Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
Al Jawaab Billahit-Tawfeeq

First and foremost, you need to realise that fornication (pre-marital physical relations) is strictly forbidden and Haraam in Islam. Sincere Tawbah is required as mentioned in previous answers (

The entire relation for 6 years being unlawful and the girl in question deceiving her parents in such a manner will not make her parents happily give their daughter into the hands of such a person. Looking at it from an outside point of view, you can understand the mothers hurt feelings and the destroyed respect for her daughter.

We cannot contact the mother for this reason as her not being happy with giving her daughter in marriage to you for this reason is not against any Shar'ee ruling or common sense. However, for the sake of her own future and yours, the parents should consider you as then all relations with the girl will then be lawful.

It is absolutely necessary that sincere Tawbah is done by both you and the girl about your entire relationship which was against the law of Allah (swt). Thereafter, you should perform Istikharah to see whether you are right for each other for the sake of Islam and your future. Many things which we think we know is better known to Allah (swt) and we do not know what he has planned for us. Meanwhile, it will still be absolutely Haraam for you both to have any contact as she is not lawful for you without Nikaah.

After Istikharah, Allah willing, you will be inclined towards marrying this girl or moving on away from her for both your sakes. If Istikharah inclines you towards her then a proper proposal should be made again explaining that you no longer wish to live in sin, that you have performed Umrah, visited the house of Allah (swt) and the city of the Nabi (saw) and you cannot any longer live the way you did.

Allah knows what is in the heart and if all steps are taken for His sake alone then He will guide you towards the right path, right decisions and the right future for you.

And Allah knows best